He spoke against my lips. “When all I saw was darkness, when I thought there was nothing left but pitch black, your shining blue eyes rescued me from that hell. I don’t deserve you, baby, not for one fucking second, but the fact that you want me for who I am, the fact that you love me, makes me actually believe that one day I might forgive myself.”
I inhaled a sharp breath as my eyes filled with tears. He ran his hand along my forehead, pushing any loose strands of hair from my face. The love that seeped from his eyes overwhelmed me. My heart heaved against my chest with the magnitude of his words. I never in a million years imagined loving someone this much.
“These tears, Chase, they’re good ones. I promise,” I croaked.
“I know I say it a lot. But you need to know I fucking love you more than life itself. I would return to that hell for you.” His breaths were loud and labored, matching mine.
I knew he would, god, I knew he would.
“Make love to me, Chase. I want you inside me. I want to get so lost in you, please.”
Before my next breath, his jeans vanished and he was pushing inside me, filling me with his limitless love … relieving the pulsing ache.
“Baby, I want you on top. I want to watch you breathe, watch your eyes change color. I want to see what I do to you.” In a single fluid motion I was on top. I straddled his hips and sat up. He immediately cradled my breasts as I continued pushing his length deeper and deeper. I slowed our pace and kept his hard length deep inside me. I felt him pushing up my womb. The intense pressure bordered on painful, but this was the pain I craved. We were one. I never wanted it to end.
“All I see when I look at you, Blue, is the future, our future. I can finally see past tomorrow. Fuck, you let me see past the next goddamn thirty seconds. You told me on the beach that day that I woke you up, but truth, baby—you woke me up. Fifteen fucking years I slept through life. Now I’m fucking living it, wide awake.”
“Oh god, Chase, I lo-love y-you so much,” I cried.
Then I bent over and pressed my lips to his. He gripped my hips, struggling for control and started to move us again, ever so slowly, in and out, deeper and harder. I was making him crazy. Hell, I was making myself crazy.
“Fuck. You feel so good. You close, baby?”
“Oh yes, so close.”
“Let it go, I want to come together.” He released my hips and gave me control. Every nerve tingled, every muscle contracted. Spasmed. Clenched. Pulsed.
“That’s it baby, give me everything.”
I buried him as deep as I could bear and his warm release filled me. He gave me everything.
I collapsed against his chest. The sound of our rapid heartbeats and breathing played like a song. Our song. When it finally quieted, I broke our connection and lifted up. My fingertips found the pale pink line still left on his forehead. It was the reminder that just a few weeks ago we were broken and struggling, but we didn’t give up.
I leaned over and kissed it. Kissed him. “Promise me something, no more...” I brought his hands to my lips and kissed each knuckle. “No more fists, Chase ... those demons don’t have to be fought anymore. Let’s keep them asleep ... we’ll stay awake ... together.”
He looked like he wanted to say something, but I wasn’t finished. I covered his lips with a finger. His eyes turned glassy. Slowly I worked my way down his body, my lips trailed along his tattoo. First do no harm. I finally understood its true significance. “This,” I traced each character, “is not your reminder ... this is truth. This is you.”
Chase needed to realize he never harmed anyone, not his sister, not his unborn child. He could never harm anyone. The emotion in the room was thick and in that moment there was nothing left to say. So I wrapped my body around him, and we held each other until the morning sun streamed through my windows.
Over the next week we didn’t really talk about that night again. We didn’t need to. We were both beautifully awake and blissfully living.
“I’ll send Pete to pick up your parents.”
“I’m gonna go with him. I want to be there when they get off the plane. I already took a half day. It’s Friday, and luckily, pretty slow on peds.” Their plane was arriving around four.
“You know I would come if I could, but I really need to finish up a couple things here first.” He seemed totally distracted and he had since last night.
“That’s fine. You sure everything is okay?” The only interruption we’d had to our bliss this week was a couple of cryptic phone calls Chase answered and physically left the room for, always business, and not just Asher. Lawyers, bankers, real estate brokers, financial advisors—Chase had a whole freaking team. The conversations I easily tuned out usually began with lots of numbers. I was probably in the loop a little more than I needed to be, but we had no secrets, and Chase was very comfortable talking about his financial security. He wanted me to be comfortable discussing it as well. I was still adjusting; it was going to take time. Being financially comfortable was not something I was used to and I wasn’t sure if I would ever be. Anyway, the last couple of days I felt like he was hiding something from me.