Beautiful Monster 2(69)

 
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure what to say, but as it turned out, I didn’t need to say anything. All I needed to do was listen. And so listen I did.
 
Her words came tumbling out about everything; about her mother; about her health; about Ranger and Drago and about death and life. And I found my voice as well, speaking more freely than I ever had. I was always so careful; so cautious; guarding what I could say to whom, and how I could say it. Before, I had felt I needed to protect Amy, to guard her from sadness and pain. But this was not the same girl I met before. She was stronger, wiser, and more of a fighter than that girl who had stood in front of me and read Beauty’s line in the audition. Her eyes held a wisdom that I hadn’t seen before, and although they looked tired, they also weren’t ready to give up yet. I told her about how I had been feeling, about the frustration and the fear of being alone, and how the others had left when I needed them most. And when her admission of Drago came tumbling out, so did mine about Nina.
 
“It wasn’t that I was in love.”
 
“But it was different, and she needed me…” We were speaking on top of each other, speaking different words and yet the same heart. Neither of us had cheated, but we had strayed, emotionally, and it didn’t make it right. But here, on the rock, in front of the waterfall, it felt like we were the only two people in the world.
 
When we fell into a silence again, it was different. Comfortable and calm, not filled with tension and anger. It seemed we had said everything, and yet, I knew there was one more thing left to say.
 
“How long?” I asked her.
 
She turned those beautiful eyes towards me. “A few years, maybe, if I take care of it right.”
 
“And are you? Going to take care of it right?”
 
This answer she was certain of. “Yes. I am. I’m not going to give up, Liam. Not this easily. Not when I’ve come this far.”
 
I felt the tears prick in my own eyes, and I looked away, towards the rushing rapids.
 
“Who knows? Medical science changes every day. Maybe they’ll have a cure for AIDS before your time comes. Are you hungry?”
 
I didn’t want to think of a time when I couldn’t have Amy beside me, when I couldn’t just call her or knock on her door. Even if we weren’t together, even if we spent the next 100 years screaming at each other, I wanted her there.
 
She nodded, and I reached for the bag behind me, pulling out a picnic lunch I had packed. We ate sitting closer than ever, practically on each other’s laps, sharing a bag of chips and a cookie for desert.
 
I had nothing planned for the entire day, intending on devoting it to her. But her watch beeped around noon, and she glanced at it, annoyed.
 
“Sorry. We have an evening shoot for Ranger, so I should get back.”
 
“Of course.”
 
I was slightly disappointed, but I reached to pick up our discarded garbage, shoving it back in the bag. As I came back up, I found myself just inches from her face. I went to pull back, but she grabbed my wrist, stopping me.#p#分页标题#e#
 
“Liam…”
 
“Amy, we don’t have to…” I breathed, although I was practically trembling with the restraint.
 
She brought her hand up to my face, her eyes searching mine. “What if I want to?”
 
I groaned, unable to stop myself. “I don’t want you to… be confused. I don’t want… But I do want… I…” The words were tumbling out without making any sense.
 
“Liam.” She leaned in closer, until we were practically rubbing noses. “I know that it’s complicated, and I know that there’s a lot going on. And there are words that need to be said and apologies that need to be made and all these things that have to go in between… But can we just skip all that and can you just be kissing me right now?”
 
She didn’t need to tell me twice. My lips were upon hers instantly, devouring hers, my hands running up and down her back, and pulling her close until our bodies were pressed together. I let her take the lead, and I was surprised by the aggression in her movements.
 
Before I knew it, we were lying on the ground, panting, and clothes were scattered every which way. Our lips were constantly touching somewhere: an arm, the chest, the face, an eyelid; kissing and touching and never breaking apart.
 
When we finally did, it was only because we could barely catch our breaths, the passion having broken like a swell of waves on a beach. I felt completely satisfied, lying there in the sunlight, and never getting up. Amy was lying with her head on my shoulder, her eyes half-closed, and her body relaxed.