Wow. Just. Wow. I was caught so off guard by his seriousness. I was also a bit confused.
“I don’t understand, though. When we stopped seeing each other, you said you weren’t ready for a relationship. I completely understood that because of everything you’d just come out of. You needed time and space. Yet you started dating someone not long after that. So you didn’t really need time? You just needed time not with me?”
Davis ran his fingers over his short hair. It was slightly longer than a military cut, but still neat and cropped close to his head. Again I thought of Caine. He’d frequently dragged his fingers through his thick, unruly hair when I’d done my best to frustrate him.
“You’re sort of right. I needed time not with you—because I didn’t know how to do slow. I could see a future with you, and that scared the shit out of me because I was just climbing out of a relationship I’d seen as my future at one time. When I dated Stacey for those few months, I couldn’t see things long-term—didn’t see a future—so I felt comfortable with her.”
“So you stayed with a woman for a few months because you couldn’t see a future with her. But walked away from one after only a few weeks because you could see a future?”
Davis’s laugh was mocking. “Pretty stupid. I know.”
It actually wasn’t. It sounded like a protective mechanism. If you know you can’t stop yourself from eating the whole cake, you don’t buy it at the store.
“It’s not stupid. I get it. Our timing was just off.”
When Davis and I stopped seeing each other, I was upset—even though the logical part of me understood he was right. But I’d always believed he was honest with me, that he needed his freedom. I figured if it was meant to be, it was meant to be, and someday we’d find our way back to each other. And here we were.
That someday had come.
I hadn’t had any relationship to speak of, so it should be easy to pick up where we left off.
Only…
It didn’t feel easy.
But did love always come easy? Look at Umberto and Lydia…
“Say something.”
My thoughts were so jumbled inside my head, I hadn’t realized I’d been quiet for a few minutes.
“I have no idea what to say.”
“Well, then I might as well finish and lay all my cards out on the table.”
“Finish?”
He chuckled. “Don’t worry. There’s not much more.” Davis reached for my hand. “I’ve made some big mistakes in my life, but the biggest mistake I’ve ever made was walking away from you. I know this might seem like it’s coming out of nowhere, but I promise you it’s not. Not one single day has gone by that you weren’t in my thoughts. I just finally owned up to the truth.”
Everything he said was exactly what I wanted to hear…almost nine months ago. Only now I wasn’t sure Davis had ever been the right person for me. If he was, why hadn’t I been more devastated when it ended? Why was I able to let go? My mind kept returning to Lydia and Umberto. She wouldn’t even let go now—when he doesn’t remember who she is and thinks he’s in love with another woman.#p#分页标题#e#
But maybe not pining my days away with thoughts of Davis was my defense mechanism. Maybe I’d buried my feelings so as not to get hurt—who knows. I just felt overwhelmed and confused.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You’ve mentioned that,” he teased with a boyish smile. “How about saying you’ll at least give it some thought? Don’t say no. Not yet, at least. Take some time.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” His eyes widened. “You mean you’ll think about it.”
“Yes. But I can’t really think straight right now. Between the drink and everything you just said, I’m not in the right frame of mind to respond anyway.”
“That’s better than a no. I’ll take it.”
Somehow we managed to get back to regular conversation and enjoy the rest of our…date? Were we even on a date? I’d called it that to Professor Pink, but just in an attempt to rile up Caine. What were Davis and I doing, actually? I hadn’t really thought of this as a date date—I was simply meeting him for dinner.
Although it definitely felt like a date toward the end of the evening.
When dinner was over, I was glad I’d driven to meet him at the restaurant instead of letting him pick me up like he’d suggested. It saved us from the awkward moment where I’d have felt rude for not inviting him up, but wary about what it might look like if I did invite him up. However, even though it prevented that awkward moment, it didn’t make the one that came when he walked me to my car any easier.