Beautiful Mess(67)

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Cole,” she sighed. “I’m not sure what it is you want from me, and I’m really not sure I can give it to you.”

He watched her impassively. He crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. Bri bent down and grabbed her bag.

“I’m going to go now. I’m sorry, but I need some time. I just... I can’t do this right now.” She shook her head. “Goodbye, Cole.”

As Bri walked past him, Cole reached out and grabbed her arm, turning her back towards him.

“Damn it, Bri,” he growled. “Don’t do this again.”

“Do what?” She tried to shrug out of his grip, but he just pulled her closer.

“You know what! You’re shutting me out again! Every time we start to get close, you get scared, and you push me away. But I’m not letting you get away with it anymore.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she protested angrily, her heart beginning to pound. “I’m not doing anything!”

“Yes, you are!” he yelled. He was angry and frustrated and desperate, and she could see it on his face. “You keep everyone at a distance, especially me. You never let anybody get close enough to penetrate that huge wall you’ve built up around your heart. You refuse to let yourself be vulnerable in any way.”

“No, I don’t! I...”

“Yes, you do! You never talk about yourself, about how you feel or what you think. You never talk about your mom, or even your life before you moved here. Whenever I ask you about anything remotely personal, you totally brush me off! You won’t even tell me about your tattoo, for crying out loud! I know you feel something for me, but you’re so freaking stubborn, you refuse to even acknowledge it. You refuse to open yourself up, to take risks of any kind! No, you’d rather sit in your safe little bubble, where you don’t have to feel anything. Where you can hide from anything that even has the potential to cause you pain. But the sad thing is that by hiding, by letting fear control your life, you miss out on the things that make life worth living.”

Bri gaped, hurt by his accusations, and also by his perceptiveness. But then her temper flared, putting her back on the defensive, and she was overwhelmed by the desire to hurt him back. But more than that, she wanted to show Cole that she saw through all of his crap, too.

“How dare you!” she seethed, finally pulling out of Cole’s grip. “How dare you stand there and accuse me of hiding, of being afraid! You are so afraid of disappointing everyone, that you can’t even be yourself! You purposely surround yourself with the most self-centered, shallow, obtuse people you can, because you know that they won’t look any deeper than what they see on the surface. You date girls you know are incapable of caring about anyone but themselves, so you won’t have to open up and share anything with them. You say I’m hiding? You are the one who’s hiding. You’re the one who’s afraid.” Bri took a deep breath, as something she’d been puzzling over finally fit into place.

“That’s why you’ve avoided real relationships. All of your emotions are superficial. You only feel the easy, uncomplicated emotions. Then, when the infatuation has passed, or the possibility of you feeling something deeper for someone comes up, you bail. You end it before things get complicated and messy. Hell, are you even capable of feeling anything deeper than infatuation or lust? And you wonder why I’m so cautious? You wonder why I don’t fall all over you, like all the other girls do? Yes, I may keep people at a distance, and I may be protective of my heart, but it’s because of guys like you. Guys who are only after whatever they can get out of you, without having to give or risk anything themselves. I may try to avoid it, but at least I do feel things, deeply. You, Cole, you don’t feel anything.”

Bri pushed past him, and stormed out of the now empty house, needing to get as far away from him as possible. Seeing Cole’s motorcycle parked in the driveway brought her to an abrupt halt. She’d forgotten that he was her ride home.

“Ugh, stupid motorcycle!” she yelled, her anger surging. She decided she’d call Layla in a minute to come pick her up, but right now she needed to put some distance between her and Cole. She made it to the end of the driveway before a strong hand grabbed her arm and spun her around. Cole grabbed both of her arms and pulled her close.

“You’re not getting off that easy, Bri.” He forced her eyes to meet his. “I care about you, and I’m not letting you push me away anymore. I’m fighting for you, for us. Because, though you may not think I’m capable of it, I feel things for you that I’ve never felt for anyone before. Feelings that are anything but superficial. And I can prove it.”