Beautiful Distraction(82)

He shrugs. “You know how people say fame and wealth change you? It’s true. I grew up here; I’m rooted in this kind of life, and yet life on the road still changed me. Rock fell into a crack addiction. Derrick’s eight-year marriage broke down because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. And Casper’s suicidal because he’s gay and in love with our makeup artist, but his contract stipulates that he has to stay in the closet.” Kellan shakes his head. “It changed us all for the worse. Even me. That night you met me? I was an asshole. I didn’t get why you wouldn’t throw yourself at my feet.”

His honesty renders me speechless.

“My life consisted of groupies, parties, sex. There were drugs everywhere,” Kellan continues.

“Sounds like every guy’s dream come true,” I mutter.

“In the beginning, it was,” he says, his lips twitching but not with humor. “I grew sick of it pretty fast. However, the easy sex rubbed off on me. I thought every woman was the same.”

I think of Mandy mentioning the groupies. I remember the banners at tonight’s gig and can’t help but feel jealous of all the women Kellan must have met—and fucked.

As if sensing my thoughts, he touches my cheek gently. “None of them mattered, Ava.”

I know that, otherwise he wouldn’t be here with me, and yet—

“It’s your life. What you do is none of my business,” I say. His grip tightens around my waist. I can feel his gaze on me. He’s looking at me. Through me. His eyes are penetrating every layer of my soul, settling somewhere deep inside me.

“You asked what made me quit,” he says softly. “It was my sister’s death. It was a wake-up call. If it weren’t for that damn tour, I would have seen her before she died. I might have changed her mind about going back.” A shaky breath escapes his lips. I reach out to touch his cheek the way he touched me a few minutes ago.

“I’m sorry.”

His eyes shimmer in the weak light of the moon. “She was always worried about me. Yes, it was just a job, but if it weren’t for her, I think I would have fallen into the usual drug crap. But she made sure to call whenever she could. And she always listened. I still remember the last time we Skyped. She begged me to quit.”

Which couldn’t have been easy. A contract with a label spans years and countless albums. It’s hard to break out of, and even more so when a lot of money is involved.

“How did you get out?” I ask.

“It wasn’t so hard,” Kellan says, as though reading my thoughts. “The contract was for five albums. I just told them that I wouldn’t do another. Countless lawyers were involved, but in the end, they realized they couldn’t force me to stay.”

“How did they take it?”

“Not well.” His dark expression lights up. “But anyone can wear a mask, right? My manager found a replacement, so it’s all final. The news will be out next month, as soon as the PR department’s done coming up with whatever bullshit story they think will sell best. Until then, this is one huge secret no one’s supposed to know about. Except my team, my family, and…” He points his thumb at me. “You.”

“So… officially, you’re still the lead singer of Mile High.” He nods. “And privately, you’re—”

“Only a cowboy.”

I nod gravely and tilt my head back.

Only a cowboy.

I like the sound of that.

A soft smile tugs at his lips as his hands cup my face. “I’m getting older, Ava. In eighteen months, I’ll be thirty. That’s like a dinosaur in music years. It was about time I retired and went back to my roots. To a time when things were simple. To the things I once took for granted.” He draws a deep breath, hesitating. “Of course, it’s scary to leave everything behind, but you know, it’s another reason why I wanted you to get to know the real me, not the image that I’ve been feeding to the public. To most people out there, I’ll always be K. Taylor. But to you, I want to be Kellan Boyd.”

“I think I like the real Kellan Boyd,” I whisper so low I doubt he can hear me.

“Come with me.” Before I know what’s happening, he leads me away from the street, through the meadow, to an old wooden fence.

Away from the lights, the stars are more prominent.

He takes my hand and helps me climb up the fence until I sit on top of it, then he joins me. We’re sitting so close our arms almost brush, but his proximity feels right.

Everything about him feels right.

Except the fact that he’s famous, and I’m just some ordinary girl from NYC.