I wish I could run away from the man I thought was only a nightclub owner. And then only a cowboy.
I have all of three seconds before Kellan’s sweeping gaze meets mine, and he stands a moment before we reach him.
“You came.” He sounds surprised. I look into his impossibly green eyes. He leans into me, and his lips brush my cheek. He smells faintly of aftershave and warmth. A stunning smile tugs at his lips, but there’s a strange glint in his eyes. As though he’s nervous. As though he cares what I might think about him now that I know who he is.
I want to lean into him and tell him that I wish he weren’t who he is because it matters to me.
I also want to tell him that I had no choice but to come here, whether I wanted to see him or not. It was either this or jump out of a moving car while praying I wouldn’t break a few bones in the process.
I want to ask him the one question that’s been pestering me. Why didn’t you tell me?
But my mouth remains shut, all those unspoken words trapped inside my chest.
“You want anything to drink?” Kellan pulls up a chair and points at the countless bottles on the table.
I shake my head in response.
While I’m all for a little liquid courage in situations like these, I need to keep my head clear.
He sighs and sits down, his leg brushing mine. “These are my band mates, Casper, Derrick, and Rock. Guys, this is Ava.”
I nod at the three pairs of eyes staring at me. They look like nice guys, maybe a bit worse for wear, but I guess that’s what the rock star lifestyle does to you.
“Ava, huh?” Rock says. I can almost see the wheels of his mind working. His blue eyes seem slightly glossed over; his movements are a little bit slow. “That Ava?”
And then it dawns on me.
He’s high on something.
Of course he is.
Most musicians are. My parents thought I’d follow in their footsteps and always warned me of the dangers of getting involved with someone in the music industry.
“Kellan made us play this gig just for you,” Derrick says. “I hope you know how to thank him tonight.”
His band mates begin to guffaw.
I peer at Kellan, who’s watching me intently, analyzing my every move.
“The women just soak it up, huh?” Derrick says to Rock. “Remember that chick, Kellan’s last girl? She kept stalking him.”
The words sting. They only confirm that I was just another conquest in a long list of them. That I was only a good fuck.
Isn’t that what he called me?
“I’m sorry. I should go.” I get up and turn, dashing past tables, through the door, heedless of the people rushing to get out of my way, until I’m outside.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Above me, the moon and billions of stars are shining, their presence my only company as I head down the dark road. I’m walking fast, feet pounding, trying hard not to think or analyze the last week of my life.
I need the solitude and the detachment to keep myself from going crazy.
I don’t ever do crazy. I forbid myself from doing it.
It happened once, and it made me obsessive. It made me love and swear off relationships for good.
Fucking a rock star with all the fans, the drama, and the emotional entanglements that come with it—that’s a whole new level of crazy.
It tops all the charts.
A cold gust of wind seeps through my clothes, sending a shudder through me. I wrap my jacket tighter around me, cursing the fact that Josh was nowhere to be found when I left the bar. I would have liked him to drive me to Kellan’s place to get my car, but I couldn’t wait for him. I couldn’t ask around, go looking for him. The chance of bumping into Kellan was too great.
It was either risk having to face Kellan again or head back without Josh driving me.
I chose to walk.
Now, I’m freezing my butt off.
I’m far past the point where I even care if Mandy’s joining me. She’ll be fine with Josh. I know she will. She made it pretty clear when she left me alone with Kellan on his ranch.
It’s all her fault.
If it weren’t for Mandy, I wouldn’t have to deal with my emotions.
If it were not for her, I would have sold the tickets and never met someone like Kellan. Someone so sexy, he’s every woman’s dream.
But that’s exactly what he is.
A dream.
Not realistic.
The sooner I grasp the facts the better, before my stupid heart wants to confess that I have fallen in love with him.
Somewhere in the distance, a car’s approaching. I turn and see the headlights. For a moment, I consider signaling it to hitchhike to Kellan’s place, then realize it’s Kellan’s truck.
Even though I know that I’m being ridiculous, I turn my back to it and hasten my steps.