I would love to see how young Daddy and I look.
And how happy.
DOUG
He found Pauline lying in bed reading the Notebook. She was still in the cinnamon-colored dress, although she’d kicked off her shoes. She was on top of the covers on Doug’s side of the bed, and she was crying.
Doug had noticed Pauline missing after the throwing of the bouquet, but at that point, the traditional portion of the festivities was winding down, and many of Doug’s friends and Beth’s cousins were leaving, and Doug had to put in face time to say good-bye and remind everyone about the brunch in the morning. The band was still playing—Etta James’s “At Last,” and Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together.” These songs were thorns in Doug’s side. He couldn’t very well dance to them with Pauline, and yet he most certainly owed Pauline a dance. He hadn’t danced with her once all night.
Pauline was no longer at the table, nor elsewhere in the tent that he could see. He nearly asked Rhonda if she had seen Pauline, but he didn’t want to call attention to the fact that he had lost track of her once again. Roger and his crew were transitioning from the traditional wedding to the after-party. The lead singer of the band was staying on to play an acoustic set. The after-party was really for the young people, and so Doug figured it was okay for him to leave the cleanup to Roger and the caterers and go in search of Pauline.
He had expected to find her in bed. He had not expected her to be reading the Notebook.
“Really?” he said.
“What does it matter now?” she said. “The wedding is over.”
Well, yes, that was true, the wedding was over—Doug acknowledged this with equal parts relief and melancholy. He found himself hoping that Nick did end up getting married someday, because there was nothing Doug relished as much as having his family together, despite all the attendant malarkey.
To Pauline, he said, “Right, the wedding is over. Why again with the Notebook?”
“ ‘Your father will be a cause for concern,’ ” Pauline read.
Doug put a hand up. “Pauline, stop.”
“ ‘Even if your father has Another Wife, I want you to do those things. Do them for me, please.’ ”
“Pauline.” Doug wondered if she had read the last page of the Notebook. He was tempted to ask her to hand it over so that he could read it himself, but he sensed this was exactly the wrong time.
Pauline was gazing at him with tears streaming down her face. “How is this supposed to make me feel?”
“It isn’t supposed to make you feel any way,” he said. “It wasn’t meant for you. It was meant for Jenna.”
“It was like Beth knew that whoever came along after her wasn’t going to be good enough.” Pauline turned the page of the Notebook so violently that Doug feared she might rip it. “Wasn’t going to be as good as she was.”
“Pauline.”
“I just want you to admit it, Douglas,” Pauline said. “You don’t love me as much as you loved her, and you never will.”
“I wasn’t looking to replace Beth,” Doug said. “That was never my intention.”
“What was your intention, then?” Pauline asked. “A little sex? A little fun? We took vows, Douglas, just like Jenna and Stuart did today. We pledged the same things they did, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I meant those vows, but you didn’t. You just went through the motions—but why? Why did you marry me? We should have just continued dating if you didn’t want to give this relationship the same time and energy that you gave your first marriage.” Pauline set the Notebook down and sat up in bed. “That was what crystallized for me while we were sitting in that church. You never treated our marriage the way you treated your marriage to Beth. Beth was your real and true love; I was just someone you met afterwards. I was a coda, an afterthought, a person on your arm, a warm body in the bed so you didn’t have to sleep alone.”
Doug sighed. He could hear voices outside, Jenna’s voice above all the others, asking everyone to gather around the campfire.
Before Doug had walked Jenna down the aisle, she said, “I love him so much, Daddy. I never want to be away from him. You know that song that Mom liked with the line ‘If I could choose a place to die, it would be in your arms’?”
“ ‘Bell Bottom Blues,’ ” Doug said. “Derek and the Dominos.”
“Well, that’s how I feel about Stuart.”
Doug nodded. Jenna was the only one of the kids who had inherited Beth’s appreciation of the rock anthem. “Good. That’s the way you’re supposed to feel, honey.”