Uh oh. Not gonna make it?
I hated disappointing her, hated that I couldn't see her tonight, hold her, lose myself in her alluring scent and curl up in a king bed with her. I gently adjusted Mel off of my lap, and after making sure she was still sleeping, ducked out the front door to call Auburn. She picked up on the first ring. “What happened?” Her voice sounded years away over the phone.
“Mel is having a really tough time. I hate to do this, but I have to cancel tonight. I’m so sorry,” I finished, disappointment leaving a hollow tone in my throat.
“A tough time?” The sadness in her voice carried across the phone line.
“She asked me to stop by, she said she needed help, but I found her, well, she's not herself, and she had a knife. I'm just afraid if I leave her alone tonight...I'm afraid of what she'll do.” I held my breath waiting for the explosion, the indifference, anything. I knew she should be more than fed up with this by now. She deserved someone that made her their everything and no mater how badly I wanted to, that's something I couldn't give her, not yet.
“I understand,” she finally said, sadness permeating the phone line.
“I was looking forward to tonight so fucking much,” I mumbled into the phone, part frustration, part yearning for the girl on the other end.
“It’s okay. Just make sure things are okay there. We’ll do something soon.” Her voice raised an octave at the end. Hopeful. She was trying to give me hope.
“You’re so good.” I breathed as I sat on the porch step.
“Yeah?” I could hear the smile in her voice.
“I don’t deserve you.”
“I know.” She laughed and my heart sped to a gallop.
“I need to see you,” I growled, finally letting the frustration get the better of me.
“Miss me?” She flirted.
“So fucking much.” I pressed a hand to my head, feeling a headache come on.
“Maybe next weekend?”
“I’ve got to go to my sister’s and help them put on a new roof before winter.” I clenched my eyes closed and brushed a palm through my hair, exasperated with the entire situation.
“The following?”
“I'm attending a teaching conference in Detroit with a friend. I committed to it, fuck I wish I hadn't. And then the following is Thanksgiving…I could come after class some night during the week? Wine and dine you?”
“Drive three hours just for dinner? You’d have to turn right around after. No, it’s okay. We can figure something out. I'm usually out of class early on Fridays, or I can take off early sometime.”
“No, you’re not skipping class to see me. Absolutely not.”
“You can't tell me what to do.”
“I like telling you what to do.” The hum that came in reply sent a lightning bolt straight to my balls. “Fuck, I wish you were here right now.”
“God, me too,” she murmured before I heard rustling on the line.
“Where are you?”
“In my bed. My hands are between my legs.”
“Jesus, Auburn. How wet are you?” My fists tightened and my muscles ached. I was wound tight, desperate for release, desperate for Auburn.
“God, Reed. I'm drenched.” Her breathing picked up.
“What are you wearing?”
“Auburn!” A third voice called as I heard a loud banging on the door.
“Fuck. Just a second!” She called to whomever had interrupted us. “I have to go, I’m sorry. I’ll call you later?”
“I don’t know how long I'll be here. I'll text you,” I finished, defeated by the night's sudden turn of events.
“Okay,” she said quietly. Her friend called her again. “I have to go. Bye, Reed.” She hung up before I could even return the sentiment. I tossed my phone on the floorboards and threw my head back, frustrated and horny and feeling suffocated, exactly like I’d been six months ago. Mel had gotten the best of me again, I knew it, and she knew it, but I couldn’t walk away when she was so vulnerable. I knew what it was like to feel all alone with no one to talk to, and no matter how much I hated her, I still cared enough to stay, if only for tonight.
I stood and tucked my phone back in my pocket, my mind spinning ways to escape with Auburn, if even just for a few hours.
twenty-three
The Wednesday before Thanksgiving we texted throughout the day. I knew she was coming home for the holidays, would be right here in town, we had to make something work, we both hoped so, but it would be tough. Between her family obligations and my own, squeezing out a few private hours could be nearly impossible.
My parents spent the winter in Florida, but always came home for the holidays. They normally stayed a few nights with Mel and I, we had dinner at our house with both sets of parents and a dozen or more of us with siblings and all, but this year was much more sad than anything else. My mom made a full Thanksgiving meal for just the three of us in my too-tiny apartment. They didn't ask questions, I think they finally realized there was in fact not a light at the end of the tunnel for Mel and I.