Beautiful Burn(44)

Auburn’s 22nd Birthday!!! :-*

The night we’d sat on the beach and exchanged birth dates came back to me. I’d forgotten all about it. And now it was here and I didn’t have anything for her and nothing special planned. I could have given her the bookcase, but it wasn't ready after Mel had pushed it in her rage.

I walked the few blocks to school from my apartment and a plan quickly formulated. I sent her a text.

Meet me at the water. Tonight. 7.





twenty


I skipped another stone and watched the ripples fan out in a crest. I was back where we’d been months ago, my parent’s cherry orchard, down by the water and waiting for my favorite girl. I checked my watch again. I’d been waiting thirty-five minutes. I knew in my gut she wasn’t coming. My heart fell. My chest hurt and my eyes burned from the sun-streaked sky reflecting off the water. I skipped one more stone with too much strength born from frustration and watched it sink on the second skip. I shoved my hands in my pockets and turned to leave, when a flash of dark hair and a soft smile met me.

“Hi,” I uttered, relief loosening all the muscles I hadn't known where strung so tight.

“Hi.”Auburn moved closer with tentative steps. My heart swelled as she advanced, love radiating from her eyes. It'd felt like a fucking eternity without her. Like the longest seven weeks of my life. I'd moved into auto-pilot, going through the motions of work, dinner, sleep, repeat all for the sake of buying time.

“Happy Birthday,” I breathed when she finally reached me. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” her voice cracked when she uttered the words.

“Jesus. I missed you so fucking much.” I wrapped her in my arms and held her tightly. My fucking life preserver. I didn’t care if we didn’t utter another word, just standing here with her like this, I was happy. It was all I needed to feel whole again. Like a real person, and not a robot.

We stayed on the shore with a blanket and a bottle of wine until one am. She told me about her fumbling English professor that wore vests with a spectacle attached and ran through biographies of Fitzgerald and Hemingway with an excitement most often seen on children's faces Christmas morning.

“Another crush?” I bumped shoulders with her as we lay side by side, hands locked, talking under the October sky.

“Right. My sixty year old prof who looks like Dr. Evil.” She huffed, and then broke into a chuckle.

“I missed that laugh.” I tucked my nose into her hair and sucked in a deep breath of her soft scent.

“I missed everything about this,” she murmured, a sad tone now replacing that giggle I loved.

“Don’t do that. Don’t be sad. I promise, this isn’t the end. This is a tough time, but I’m not going back to her. I promise you I’m not.” I itched to tell her more, but I couldn’t, not yet. “Do you believe me?”

She sniffed softly, eyes glistening in the silver light of the moon, before she nodded. I swiped at a tear with the pad of my thumb and licked it off my finger. “I’m not letting you go for that long again.” I held her to me, a sense of peace resonating through my soul at being with her. I breathed deeply, the sense finally settling that everything would be okay. Everything would finally be okay.

“Promise?” Her fingertips clutched at my sides as tears dampened the fabric of my woven shirt. I felt the pain running through her blood and connecting our hearts.

“Always.” I said resolutely. And I meant it. I meant it with every cell in my body.





twenty-one


I thought about that night before I fell asleep for the next week. I called her every day, no more impersonal emails or texts. I was hers. I wanted her to know it. I still had so much to work through, and Auburn was being more patient than I could ever hope to expect from anyone, but that night had given me renewed hope.

Mel had planted the seed in my mind that Auburn could be seeing other people, could be doing anything, and I worked it over obsessively, looking for signs when she didn't answer her phone or text back immediately. I nearly drove myself up the wall, why would she stay? I was an almost-thirty-something high school teacher about to go through a nasty divorce. I couldn’t see her like I wanted, couldn't even be open about our relationship, she had every right to get on with her life. But somewhere I knew deep down in the roots of my soul that she was mine and I was hers, and we would get to that place where we could be happy. We had to.

Two weeks passed with agonizing slowness and I was desperate to see her. It was Friday night and I’d been planning this overnight with her all week. I'd booked the hotel for just one night, because she had a mid-term to study for the rest of the weekend, but it would be better than nothing at all. Auburn and I rode high on the adrenaline until we could be in each other’s arms again. I’d made reservations at a quiet restaurant near campus and then planned to spend the whole night with her in my arms.