“I would have done something.” My eyes held her, oozing sympathy and concern.
“I had books,” she smiled fondly. “Books saved me. Getting lost in stories allowed me to drown out the screaming most of the time,” she ended, softly, pulling away and casting her gaze out to the shoreline, lit with glowing house lights in the dark night.
“Still, I wish you would have told me,” I murmured as I started rowing again, conscious of moving at a slower pace to give my body the rest it screamed for.
“I wish I would have had a kayak to escape out on the water.” She stretched her arms behind her.
I nodded somberly, wishing I would have known back then she was struggling at home, but what I would have done, I wasn't even sure. “We should go kayaking.” I offered, thankful that I was here for her now.
“I’d go anywhere with you.” Her words stopped me in my tracks. The paddles in my hands suddenly fell limp. I wasn't sure she’d meant for me to hear her last admission. But I had. I had heard her loud and clear.
“Auburn, that kiss, I'm afraid it was a mistake. A relationship between us could cause a scandal, it could ruin my life and yours. I love more than anything else spending time with you, talking to you, but we can't cross that line again.”
Her eyes held mine as she spoke, “I've waited too long, Reed. I've thought about you countless times since the last time I saw you three years ago. I didn't know if I'd ever see you again, and you were married! But coming back this summer, having you suddenly thrown back in my life, and you're separated from your wife, if there's something here...” she shifted in her seat and then caught my eyes, her's searing with passionate hesitation. “It feels like our timing is finally right.” She ended on a soft murmur.
“Jesus, I feel the same way.” I clutched at the oars gripped in my hands until my knuckles ached. “But with all the media attention about teachers getting caught with students, it's a monumental risk. I have a teacher friend who scrubbed all her online profiles of anything remotely sexy, even photos she'd had from a bachelorette party in Vegas, she was so worried about losing her job. The barest hint of anything unprofessional, even with zero evidence, could ruin my life to hell and back.”
“God, I know.” She ran a hand through her long dark strands and averted her eyes to the silver clouds drifting across the sky. “I've just never felt this kind of connection with anyone else.” She said, sadly.
“Fuck. Me too.” I sighed, feeling more trapped than ever. “I wish we could, but there are so many things going on right now.” I ran a hand through my hair, wanting to explain it all to her, but I could hardly fathom it myself much less speak the words to another person. Auburn's face fell before she closed her eyes and stretched her arms above her head. She bent behind her and I watched the soft breeze rush over her body and catch in the threads of her hair. She was breathtaking, and her adventurous nature was something I’d often craved out of Mel. Mel was too controlled, too regimented. Nature made her uncomfortable. Frizzed her hair and made her sweat, she'd always said. So I’d taken to exploring Michigan on my own, but Mel had started to resent my being gone on the weekends, so I'd let that go too.
I jumped into the water a few minutes later to pull the boat on shore when I turned and found Auburn had followed me out, shoes in hand. She dropped them with a damp thunk on the sand and turned to plop down. I arched an eyebrow in surprise. I'd gotten the sense that this night was over. I pulled the boat out of the water and sat down next to her. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” She shrugged as she dragged her fingertips through the now twilight-lit sand.
“Everything good with that guy?” I found myself suddenly wishing they'd broken up in the days it'd been since she'd introduced me. She had kissed me back, right? I hadn't just imagined her soft lips pressed against mine, had I?
“Jake?” She looked to me in a flash, then dug through the pocket of her jeans. The cellophane around her cigarettes crackled as she rustled with it before pulling a slightly thinner cigarette out and lighting it. The heavy scent of weed filled my nostrils. I was surprised for half a second before it settled that nothing really surprised me with Auburn. She was predictably unpredictable and just when I thought I had her pegged, she turned my stereotypes upside down. “We're not serious,” she finally admitted. I only nodded, thankful for that.
“So tell me what's going on inside that head of yours.” Something seemed to be bothering her, and I was dying for her to open up to me. Auburn had always been more reserved when it came to talking about her personal life, and had only mentioned details in passing, but now that we were both here, both adults, I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything there was to know about her.