Beautiful Boy(60)

"What happened after that? What did you do?"

He swallowed harshly, his Adam's apple dipping deep. "I wanted to come  here. I wanted to run straight to you, but I knew I shouldn't. I needed  to do things on my own, or at least get started on my own. I had to show  you and myself I could do this, I could be the man you believed in.  That's when I made the decision to give myself more time. But I couldn't  stop from reaching out to you. I wanted you to know I was okay. And I  felt a need to share things with you, so every time I consciously found  something beautiful around me, or something that made me happy, I told  you about it. The one thing I hadn't expected was to acknowledge those  things without even trying. I didn't wake up each morning or step out of  my house each day looking for something to give me peace … it found me.  And before I knew it, I'd called Mike and took him up on his offer to go  cage diving."

My eyes grew wide and my stomach dipped. "You went? Today? On the boat?"  I wanted to slap myself for asking such stupid questions-of course it  had been today, and obviously it was out on a boat.

His teasing smile only served to elevate my desire to rewind time and  take back my absurd questions. "Yes … I went today with Mike. I called him  yesterday from work and told him I was interested as long as there was  still room for me. And then I went out and bought one of those GoPro  cameras." His grin stretched impossibly wider on his face. "I felt like a  kid at Christmas. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I became.  And that's when I knew I was on the right track.

"Being on the boat today, seeing things I've never allowed myself to see  before … it gave me peace. It offered me strength and I honestly don't  think I ever would've gotten there without the push you gave me."

"That's not true, Nolan." I leaned closer and gently pressed my lips  against his. "You just told me about your revelations at your father's  dinner. I didn't do that. I didn't even know about it. Some stranger got  through to you, as well as your mother. And the rest was on you. You  did this … not me."         

     



 

"You were right when you said I'd used you as a crutch. Had you not  pushed me away Sunday night and left me alone to deal with the fallout  from dinner on Tuesday, I don't think I would've been able to come to  those conclusions on my own."

I didn't believe a word of what he said. He never gave himself enough  credit. However, I didn't want to waste any time arguing with him over  it. I knew the truth. I knew he would've done what he needed to simply  because he had the strength and capabilities to do it on his own,  whether he wanted to admit it or not.

I rested my head against his chest again, folding my body into his. "I like this. I could get used to being like this with you."

Nolan rolled to his side and engulfed me in his arms, swallowing me  whole with his bare, warm body. "Me too. Just like this … no clothes.  They'll only get in the way in the middle of the night."

"Oh, should I be prepared to wake up and perform before the sun comes up?"

"You don't have to perform … I'll be quiet."

I laughed, loud and full, until he rolled on top of me again, his mouth silencing me.





Twenty-Four





Nolan stayed true to his word. At some point during the night, I woke up  to his hands and lips on me. Then a little bit later, I'd gotten up to  go to the bathroom, and after crawling back in bed, I woke him up with  my hands and mouth on him. By the time the sun peeked through the  window, waking us both up, we took one look at each other, and without  speaking, decided to spend a little while longer tangled in the  sheets-and each other.

None of those times were like the first, but that didn't mean they  weren't equally as amazing or fulfilling. I pulled myself from bed  believing Nolan had a newfound love for sex on a mattress, and in other  positions besides from behind.

A smile tugged at my lips anytime I thought about it. Just remembering  the way he touched me or how his body moved over mine caused my core to  tighten in anticipation. Every time I sat down, stood up, moved, I could  feel the evidence of our night together. And with each deep ache, my  grin grew wider.

Nolan left shortly after breakfast. I'd wanted to spend the day with  him. After five long and torturous days without him, I was ready to  attach myself to his hip so I'd never have to be apart from him again.  But he said he had things to do and would see me later. He acted very  secretive, which normally would've put me on edge, but after our night  together, I started to think nothing could bring me down.

Finally, at almost eight-hours upon hours of no word from him-he sent me  a text inviting me over. The message didn't say anything about staying  the night, but I packed a bag just in case.

Excitement danced in my stomach as I gathered my things to head over to his condo.

By the time I made it halfway there, nervousness had caused my insides to clench, my stomach threatening to turn into stone.

Once I pulled into the parking lot, I began to beg for the knots and  constricted chest, because they would've been better than the jittery  hands and legs that left me with the sensation of walking on wet  noodles.

Every nerve ending seemed to have been fried by the time I made it to  his front door. It didn't make sense to me where this nervousness had  come from. He'd been the one who came to me; he made love to me, letting  go of his vulnerabilities with me. I didn't understand why I'd grown so  anxious to see him, especially after he'd opened up so much the night  before.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat just in time for Nolan to open  the door with a wide grin on his face. It was all I needed to see.  Instantly, the nerves vanished, and in its place grew excitement.

Butterflies swarmed my gut.

The weight lifted off my chest.

And angels sang somewhere in the distance.

"Oh, good, you brought a bag," he said as he took it from my hand and  let me in. "I wasn't even thinking about that. I'm glad you thought of  it."

He acted so casual, so calm and collected. But it quickly became obvious  that it was nothing more than a front. Once he closed the door behind  me, he started to walk away and then shook his head as if forgetting  something before turning back to me and pressing a chaste kiss to my  lips.

That did not help my state of mind.

Even though his outer appearance showed a calm person, his actions  screamed of someone highly edgy. He walked around the kitchen in a full  circle before setting my bag down at the entrance of the hallway to his  bedroom. And even though his smile seemed permanently etched on his  face, his hands fidgeted at his sides as he asked if I wanted anything  to drink.

"Just talk to me, Nolan." I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around  his neck, hoping the contact would ease us both. "You opened up so much  last night. We talked so easily. I don't know why you're so  uncomfortable now, but I'd like it if we could get past it."         

     



 

He sighed and it seemed to alleviate some of the weight on his  shoulders. His arms went around my waist and his forehead fell to mine.  "I'm not uncomfortable. I just have something to show you. It's  something I'm really excited about, but I guess I'm scared to say it out  loud. Like showing you and admitting it makes it real instead of just a  desire I have."

My insides warmed at his confession, and I wanted nothing more than to  ease the fear for him. "Show me. I want to see what's put that  infectious grin on your face."

He nodded, stepped backward, and took my hand in his to lead me down the  hall. After a few strides, he stopped and turned to me. "I need you to  tell me if this is a ridiculous idea, okay? Your opinion means  everything to me, and I need you to be honest with me. I plan to put it  into action tomorrow, but if you don't think I should, it's not too late  to stop it."

I squeezed his hand for reassurance. "I promise I'll be honest with you. But you have to show me first."

With that, he took one more deep breath and then continued down the hall  until we made it to his darkroom. He hesitated for a split second at  the door, and then he opened it wide and ushered me in.

The room was void of any light once he closed the door behind us. I  couldn't see anything. I was about to ask him where the light was when  his hands settled on my hips, pushing me farther into the room in  silence.

The warmth of his hands vanished, and so did the air around me when  seconds later, the light flicked on above us. My eyes scanned the room,  noticing sheet after sheet of picture paper hanging on every wall. One  row of pictures circled me.

I tried to cover my gasp with my hand over my mouth, but it did no good.  It slipped through my parted fingers and echoed around us. My gaze  briefly met Nolan's before continuing to observe the images surrounding  me.

I'd never seen anything like it.