"What happened after that? What did you do?"
He swallowed harshly, his Adam's apple dipping deep. "I wanted to come here. I wanted to run straight to you, but I knew I shouldn't. I needed to do things on my own, or at least get started on my own. I had to show you and myself I could do this, I could be the man you believed in. That's when I made the decision to give myself more time. But I couldn't stop from reaching out to you. I wanted you to know I was okay. And I felt a need to share things with you, so every time I consciously found something beautiful around me, or something that made me happy, I told you about it. The one thing I hadn't expected was to acknowledge those things without even trying. I didn't wake up each morning or step out of my house each day looking for something to give me peace … it found me. And before I knew it, I'd called Mike and took him up on his offer to go cage diving."
My eyes grew wide and my stomach dipped. "You went? Today? On the boat?" I wanted to slap myself for asking such stupid questions-of course it had been today, and obviously it was out on a boat.
His teasing smile only served to elevate my desire to rewind time and take back my absurd questions. "Yes … I went today with Mike. I called him yesterday from work and told him I was interested as long as there was still room for me. And then I went out and bought one of those GoPro cameras." His grin stretched impossibly wider on his face. "I felt like a kid at Christmas. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I became. And that's when I knew I was on the right track.
"Being on the boat today, seeing things I've never allowed myself to see before … it gave me peace. It offered me strength and I honestly don't think I ever would've gotten there without the push you gave me."
"That's not true, Nolan." I leaned closer and gently pressed my lips against his. "You just told me about your revelations at your father's dinner. I didn't do that. I didn't even know about it. Some stranger got through to you, as well as your mother. And the rest was on you. You did this … not me."
"You were right when you said I'd used you as a crutch. Had you not pushed me away Sunday night and left me alone to deal with the fallout from dinner on Tuesday, I don't think I would've been able to come to those conclusions on my own."
I didn't believe a word of what he said. He never gave himself enough credit. However, I didn't want to waste any time arguing with him over it. I knew the truth. I knew he would've done what he needed to simply because he had the strength and capabilities to do it on his own, whether he wanted to admit it or not.
I rested my head against his chest again, folding my body into his. "I like this. I could get used to being like this with you."
Nolan rolled to his side and engulfed me in his arms, swallowing me whole with his bare, warm body. "Me too. Just like this … no clothes. They'll only get in the way in the middle of the night."
"Oh, should I be prepared to wake up and perform before the sun comes up?"
"You don't have to perform … I'll be quiet."
I laughed, loud and full, until he rolled on top of me again, his mouth silencing me.
Twenty-Four
Nolan stayed true to his word. At some point during the night, I woke up to his hands and lips on me. Then a little bit later, I'd gotten up to go to the bathroom, and after crawling back in bed, I woke him up with my hands and mouth on him. By the time the sun peeked through the window, waking us both up, we took one look at each other, and without speaking, decided to spend a little while longer tangled in the sheets-and each other.
None of those times were like the first, but that didn't mean they weren't equally as amazing or fulfilling. I pulled myself from bed believing Nolan had a newfound love for sex on a mattress, and in other positions besides from behind.
A smile tugged at my lips anytime I thought about it. Just remembering the way he touched me or how his body moved over mine caused my core to tighten in anticipation. Every time I sat down, stood up, moved, I could feel the evidence of our night together. And with each deep ache, my grin grew wider.
Nolan left shortly after breakfast. I'd wanted to spend the day with him. After five long and torturous days without him, I was ready to attach myself to his hip so I'd never have to be apart from him again. But he said he had things to do and would see me later. He acted very secretive, which normally would've put me on edge, but after our night together, I started to think nothing could bring me down.
Finally, at almost eight-hours upon hours of no word from him-he sent me a text inviting me over. The message didn't say anything about staying the night, but I packed a bag just in case.
Excitement danced in my stomach as I gathered my things to head over to his condo.
By the time I made it halfway there, nervousness had caused my insides to clench, my stomach threatening to turn into stone.
Once I pulled into the parking lot, I began to beg for the knots and constricted chest, because they would've been better than the jittery hands and legs that left me with the sensation of walking on wet noodles.
Every nerve ending seemed to have been fried by the time I made it to his front door. It didn't make sense to me where this nervousness had come from. He'd been the one who came to me; he made love to me, letting go of his vulnerabilities with me. I didn't understand why I'd grown so anxious to see him, especially after he'd opened up so much the night before.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat just in time for Nolan to open the door with a wide grin on his face. It was all I needed to see. Instantly, the nerves vanished, and in its place grew excitement.
Butterflies swarmed my gut.
The weight lifted off my chest.
And angels sang somewhere in the distance.
"Oh, good, you brought a bag," he said as he took it from my hand and let me in. "I wasn't even thinking about that. I'm glad you thought of it."
He acted so casual, so calm and collected. But it quickly became obvious that it was nothing more than a front. Once he closed the door behind me, he started to walk away and then shook his head as if forgetting something before turning back to me and pressing a chaste kiss to my lips.
That did not help my state of mind.
Even though his outer appearance showed a calm person, his actions screamed of someone highly edgy. He walked around the kitchen in a full circle before setting my bag down at the entrance of the hallway to his bedroom. And even though his smile seemed permanently etched on his face, his hands fidgeted at his sides as he asked if I wanted anything to drink.
"Just talk to me, Nolan." I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, hoping the contact would ease us both. "You opened up so much last night. We talked so easily. I don't know why you're so uncomfortable now, but I'd like it if we could get past it."
He sighed and it seemed to alleviate some of the weight on his shoulders. His arms went around my waist and his forehead fell to mine. "I'm not uncomfortable. I just have something to show you. It's something I'm really excited about, but I guess I'm scared to say it out loud. Like showing you and admitting it makes it real instead of just a desire I have."
My insides warmed at his confession, and I wanted nothing more than to ease the fear for him. "Show me. I want to see what's put that infectious grin on your face."
He nodded, stepped backward, and took my hand in his to lead me down the hall. After a few strides, he stopped and turned to me. "I need you to tell me if this is a ridiculous idea, okay? Your opinion means everything to me, and I need you to be honest with me. I plan to put it into action tomorrow, but if you don't think I should, it's not too late to stop it."
I squeezed his hand for reassurance. "I promise I'll be honest with you. But you have to show me first."
With that, he took one more deep breath and then continued down the hall until we made it to his darkroom. He hesitated for a split second at the door, and then he opened it wide and ushered me in.
The room was void of any light once he closed the door behind us. I couldn't see anything. I was about to ask him where the light was when his hands settled on my hips, pushing me farther into the room in silence.
The warmth of his hands vanished, and so did the air around me when seconds later, the light flicked on above us. My eyes scanned the room, noticing sheet after sheet of picture paper hanging on every wall. One row of pictures circled me.
I tried to cover my gasp with my hand over my mouth, but it did no good. It slipped through my parted fingers and echoed around us. My gaze briefly met Nolan's before continuing to observe the images surrounding me.
I'd never seen anything like it.