Standing in front of Novah after showing her firsthand how my world stopped for her, and only her, proved once more how I couldn't prevent myself from doing the things I truly wanted to do. Such as fist my hand in Novah's thick, blond hair and pull her mouth to mine. Such as gripping her hip harshly while pressing my erection against her lower stomach until she released a hearty moan. After the heavy conversation we'd had earlier regarding my inability to find true happiness in life, pouncing on her like this should've been wrong.
But it wasn't.
At least, not to me.
And as her dainty fingers twisted in my shirt, her small hips rolling against mine, I knew it wasn't wrong for her, either. She wanted this as much as I did, and nothing could stop us now.
Our heavy breaths mingled together as I pushed her against the table. Her spine arched until it left her neck exposed for my mouth to explore. I licked my way down from her ear to the soft dip in her throat, and then continued to the beginning crevice of her cleavage. Her tank top was in my way, and without warning, I backed up a step to remove it. I needed it to be gone.
She briefly released her grip on my shirt long enough to lift her arms so I could pull her top over her head. The moment she stood in front of me in nothing but her bra and those short, frayed cut-offs, my dick grew impossibly harder behind the fly of my pants, taking every ounce of blood in my body with it.
Her fingers gripped the bottom of my shirt, prepared to strip me of it as well, but I didn't give her the opportunity to do so. With a tight grasp on her hips, I spun her around, and then, while holding her in place, I began to grind my erection against her jean-covered ass. It wasn't sweet or slow, but impulsive and needy. I needed her, and the reasons were endless.
Because with her, I felt no pain.
Because with her, I wasn't in the dark.
Because with her, I wasn't … me. I wasn't empty and alone. I wasn't worthless or insignificant. I wasn't dying. She filled me with something. Light, love, happiness … I couldn't identify it. She gave me purpose, even for a brief moment of time. She made me feel … alive.
Because with her … I was somebody.
And I needed that-more than my next breath, more than a drop of water in a drought, more than an ounce of sunshine on a dreary day.
I fell into her and pressed my chest firmly against her back. She slumped forward and held us up with splayed fingers on the wood table. My hand moved to the front of her shorts, and after grabbing her roughly between her legs, I quickly unfastened the button and lowered the zipper. An eager rush of air left her as soon as I slipped my hand inside her shorts, beneath her underwear, and the tips of my fingers found her hardened clit.
My teeth came down on her shoulder, gently digging into her soft skin while my other hand unclasped her bra. I ran my fingers down her spine. I heard her gasp for air and her back arched against my touch.
I needed to be inside her, to feel what she'd given me the weekend before. To have her screaming my name. But when I pulled away enough to free myself from the constricting confines of my pants, she turned around and placed her palms against my chest, as if to hold me back.
She stood inches away from me, her body heaving wildly with her uncontrollable breathing, and I froze. I took her in … all of her. Her untamed hair, the glowing burn in her cheeks, her dry, parted lips. Her bra had completely fallen away, and she remained in nothing but a pair of shorts with the front opened wide, her pink underwear showing through.
Everything about her screamed "fuck me now!" but her eyes said something different. I would've missed it had I not been staring right into them, but they whispered for me to wait. They softly begged me to slow down. And I had to listen to them. Shari had warned me of Novah's struggles, and studying her in front of me made it clear. Her eyes really did tell me everything I needed to know.
Her tongue ran along her bottom lip, wetting it before pulling it into her mouth and holding it there with her teeth. I stood frozen, unmoving as I waited for her to do something … say something. Finally, she moved her hands-lower, lower, lower until she held the bottom of my shirt. And then she slowly lifted it, pulling the fabric up until it was gone. She left me exposed, with nothing to hide the impurities of my body from her.
Her attention fell to my chest, and then her fingers grazed the numb area on my left side. She placed a kiss over an area of scar tissue, even though I couldn't feel it. Then her eyes locked with mine, shining bright and glistening with an emotion I couldn't depict.
"I want to see you, Nolan." Her fingers made their way to the button on my pants and worked diligently at unfastening them. She never took her gaze from my face. "I want to watch you." Her tiny hand felt cold around my shaft after making its way past my boxers. It caused me to jump slightly at the unexpected sensation. "I want to feel you. All of you."
Still unable to move, I waited breathlessly while she lowered her shorts and underwear, and then she kicked them off and stood in front of me completely naked. I reached into my back pocket and retrieved a condom from my wallet before dropping my pants and boxers around my ankles.
Novah took the condom from me and perched herself on the edge of the table. She watched carefully as I stroked myself from base to tip. She then proceeded to rip open the foil packet with her teeth and took me into her hand, sheathing my hard-on with the rubber. The way she carefully and slowly rolled it on, her eyes on mine the entire time, threatened to make me blow long before ever getting inside her.
I moved between her legs and dropped my hand to the warmth between her thighs, rubbing energetic circles around her clit with my thumb. I wanted to watch her explode like last time, but she stopped me. She grabbed my wrist, pulled my hand away, and then she did something so unexpected, I couldn't do anything but watch and allow it to happen. She took my shaft in her hand and used the sensitive tip to rub circles over her clit.
Her head fell back and her mouth opened. Whimpered gasps escaped her and caused my dick to throb painfully. Before I could do anything else, her legs wrapped around my waist at the same time she slid the head of my dick from her clit to her entrance. Her thighs tightened around me, forcing me to move closer at the same time her hips rolled into me. I slipped inside easily, but the heat of her left me frozen the moment I fully filled her.
"Nolan … " she rasped as she clenched around me-every part of me. Her arms tightened around my neck, her legs locked rigidly around my body, and her core gripped me as if she worried I'd pull out and disappear. She began to move against me with me caution, but then she stopped when I impulsively spoke.
"I love you." Those words were meant to stay in my head, locked away until I could tell her and leave no doubt in her mind I'd meant them.
But that didn't happen.
They were quiet and filled with grit as they scratched and clawed their way out. They vibrated through my chest, leaving me shaky and unsteady. I wanted to swallow them whole and go back in time.
I wanted to … not be so vulnerable.
After she didn't respond, I held her tighter, closer to me. I couldn't chance seeing her face, seeing the unspoken words in her eyes. Her silence said it all, and it left a gaping wound in my chest-she didn't feel the same.
Her hold on me loosened, and she managed to pull her face away from my shoulder, despite my insistence to keep it there. Her eyes were shut tightly, and she cradled my cheeks in her warm, soft hands with her mouth hovered over mine. Her slow and careful breaths billowed across my lips as she took her time, holding her face so close to mine, yet not finalizing the act.
Insecure, damaging thoughts left me immobile; however, the sensual way she held me, breathed me in, gave light to the darkness in my mind. It allowed me to release the strain in my muscles caused by fear.
The second my shoulders fell slack, her tongue met mine, and I couldn't hold on any longer. I began to move inside her. Slow at first, and then faster.
Faster still.
Harder until her nails dug into the back of my neck and wiped my mind free of doubt.
No words. Only panicked breathing, frantic moans, quiet whimpers, and unrestrained grunts could be heard as we moved together, our hips working as one with the fluency of two people who had many years of practice with each other. Our bodies melded together, each seeming to find their missing piece. Our hearts raced, telling a story through each beat, each pump of blood that ran through us.
A story I never wanted to end.
Suddenly, Novah's muscles locked up around me. I could've been deaf and blind and still would've known what it meant. I felt it in the way she clung to me, the way her insides constricted, tightened, gripped me.