Beast(29)

       
           



       

"I am aware of that," I reply.

"And what of your revenge then?" he asks.

"My revenge will still be had. The past cannot be changed. I have  damaged her, just as I set out to. I have tainted her. And when Ray  comes home, he will see for himself."

"She does not look so damaged to me," River remarks. "Walking around  your home as she pleases. Wearing clothing and doing whatever she feels  like. You have gone soft."

It is true, so I do not dishonor him by telling him otherwise. But I do try to reassure him.

"It is done. It has already been done."

He is silent again, for several moments. Taking his time to gather the right words as River sometimes does.

"Do you remember how they tricked us?"

The memory of his fake murder still plays on repeat in my head. Every  day, it has haunted me. The way they deceived me. The way they used  River as a tool in my training.

They took everything from me.

I believed he was dead, for so many years. For so long, I had nothing  else but the thought of my revenge. And River knows this too well.

"You were my only friend," he tells me. "My first friend. Do you remember that, Javi?"

"How could I ever forget?"

"They took you away from me," River says. "Ray took you away from me."

"I know."

"They tortured you too, Jav. Brainwashed you."

"I know," I say again.

"But what is the worst of his offenses?" he asks.

I do not answer. Because I do not have to. River already knows.

"Ray lied to you. He told you he believed you. But they chose you  specifically, Jav. They turned you into a killer because they believed  you were predisposed already. He tarred you with that brush, and he  didn't care if it was true or not. He made you what you are. He  destroyed you."

I close my eyes, and Bella seems so far away.

The rage is frothing inside of me, and River won't stop.

"They printed it right in your file, Jav. Those vile words about your mother. Have you forgotten so easily?"

The flashbacks wrench me back in time, swallowing me whole.

"Enough," I say.

But River does not listen. He speaks of my training with a level of  detail that nobody else can. Because he is the only one who knows of my  confessions. He speaks of the torture. The waterboarding. The burns. The  mind games. The deceptions and punishments that followed.

He speaks of the blood I spilled. Repeatedly. The tests. And I tell him  to stop, but he doesn't. He doesn't stop until I have smashed the phone  against the wall and red is the only thing that I see.

Hatred. Rage. Hell.

The door crashes against the wall from the force of my adrenaline. The  vein in my neck throbs and my footsteps ricochet down the hall as I  stalk towards the kitchen.

She will be gone. She needs to be gone.

I wait for the cool air. The air that will inevitably linger from the  window where she has escaped. The breeze that will carry her scent as  she runs fast and far away from this place. From me.

I expect quiet. The peace that I desire so badly. But I do not find  those things. Instead, I find my Bella, still at the kitchen stove, her  eyes wide as she watches me come down the hall.

"Javi?" she whispers.

"Why are you still here?" I roar.

She backs into the counter and hugs herself, shaking her head frantically, but no words leave her mouth.

"You should have left when you had the chance!" I sneer.

I chase her around the counter and grab her arm, and she pleads with me as I drag her from the room.

"Javi, please. No, please. Whatever just happened, don't do this. I'm begging you."

Her words fall on deaf ears.I block out everything around me and focus on the red. The pain. The revenge.

I am no longer weak. Nothing can break me. Not even this girl and her  trickery. This is what I tell myself. This is what I believe. Until she  speaks again.

"Javi," she whispers. "Javi. I love you. Please. I love you."

I freeze. And I stare at her. This girl with the pale blue eyes, more  venomous than even her father as she spills such lies from her lips.

I tell her so, and she tries to deny it.

"It's true," she says.

Tears track down her cheeks. And this time they do not make me weak.  They do not make me want to fuck her either. They fill me with wrath all  over again.

"You are a liar and a fool," I tell her.

"I am not a liar," she cries. "I may be many things, Javi. But a liar is  not one of them. I will prove it to you. I'll do anything. Anything.  Just tell me."

This time, I smile. And I feel like my old self again.

"Anything?" I ask.                       
       
           



       

"Anything," she replies.





CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR





JAVI TUGS me down the hall.

In a matter of seconds, everything has shifted. He is dragging me back  to the past. Back to the room of horrors. The room where his mother  carved him up. Where he carved me up. Where everything is bad between us  and nothing is good.

This isn't where I want to go. But he asked me to prove myself. And I  will. I will prove that it doesn't matter what he does to me.

He will see.

In the end, he will see that I am truthful. That I do love him. And my  love for him is stronger than his rage. Stronger than his hurt and his  fear and his vulnerability. I will break through those barriers if it's  the last thing I do.

So when he straps me down to the table, I do not resist. I remain  silent, even as he stuffs my mouth with another gag and takes away every  last shred of free will that remains in me.

I do not cry. Even when he leaves the room. I do not feel ashamed when  he comes to me the next morning and fucks my mouth and comes on my face.

I do not feel dirty when he comes back again at night and fucks me in  the ass and comes on me again. I do not resist when he makes me pee in  front of him and then restrains me once more.

I do not protest that my stomach is hungry and I have not eaten or  showered. And I do not feel sorry that he has turned me into a feral  animal all over again. Coming and going as he pleases throughout the  day, using me like a toy. Covering me in his come and then leaving it to  dry. Calling me names while he fucks me. Lashing out and insisting that  I will tell the truth soon enough. That I will break.

But he is wrong. And it infuriates him that he is wrong. Because I do  not break. Not even by the fourth day when I am truly disgusting.

He does not fuck me again on this fourth day. Instead, he releases me and tells me to go clean myself up.

He is too calm. Too silent. And I know something is not right. I expect  the worst, the entire time I'm in the shower, scrubbing myself clean.  Even when he tells me to get something to eat, I cannot. It only  compounds my fear.

He goes back to his office. The house is too quiet. But the storm that's  brewing is loud. I can feel it. I can feel it in my bones. Something  awful is about to happen.

I saw it in his eyes.

The chill. The conviction. He intends to break me. Just as he always  said he would do. He said he would destroy me. It's what he set out to  do. And perhaps I have been a fool to think that he has changed, even  after everything. Perhaps I am the only one who feels.

I don't have to wonder long. Because at nightfall, the bell on the door chimes again.

I expect River. It's always River. Never anyone else. Nobody else comes to Moldavia.

Nobody.

But it is not River at the door tonight. The scent of her perfume  assaults me first. And then I see her in all her beauty, standing coyly  on the threshold when Javi greets her.

This place is familiar to this woman. Javi is familiar to this woman. There is no doubt, she has had him before.

He gestures her inside, and I rot on the inside. Agony paralyzes me as  he leads her down the hall to his bedroom. There is no second thought  about me.

The door shuts with a resounding noise. My gut churns. My heart shrivels  up and dies. And I was wrong. So, so wrong. Because Javi can still  break me. He can still destroy me. He's done exactly that.

At first, I am immobile. Unable to move or blink or even breathe. And then the restlessness takes over.

I pace back and forth in the kitchen, frantic. Sick. My fingers quake  and my head spins. I want to vomit. I want to scream. There are no  tears. There is no sadness. I am captive to only one thing now.

Undiluted rage.

Hatred that burns so bright, I fear it will never be extinguished again.  I can't control it. I can't deny it. The animal in me has taken the  wheel.

The animal in me is the one who grabs a knife from the wooden block on  the counter. The animal in me is the one who walks down the corridor and  heaves open his bedroom door, expecting the worst. Poised to kill.  Poised to kill them both.

But the woman in me sees only Javi, resting in a chair by the fire with a glass of whiskey in hand.

My eyes scan the room, seeking to destroy. But she is not here. She is  not anywhere. The animal doesn't care. She wants retribution, and she  will have it.