"How long will you be gone for?"
Her lip trembles and something wrenches inside of my chest. An urge to comfort her. To tell her it's okay. But that would be a lie.
She is with me. And it is not okay.
"I will be back soon enough."
"That's what my father always used to say."
She retreats, and I feel the loss of her immediately. My hand is cold when I shove it into my pocket and turn away.
River gives me a nod before I go. One that says everything I need to know.
He will take care of her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
IF JAVI HAD A BROTHER, it could be River. They are alike in so many ways. Both lofty and well built. Masculine. Dark. Mysterious. But where Javi is closed off, River is open.
There is something about him that alarms me. The way he smiles. It isn't normal. I don't trust that he's all there in the head. But then again, I don't trust that Javi is either, really.
And yet, I have started to feel safe with Javi. It is the story my father used to tell, becoming my own. I am the caged bird, adapting to my prison.
The guilt and confusion weigh heavy on my soul. I should want to leave. Before it's too late. It's a long shot. But I have to try.
River is eating another apple. His third since he arrived. He is at ease in Javi's home. He is at ease around me. I doubt there is anyone that can truly ruffle his feathers.
"What has Javi told you about me?" I ask.
"Very little, actually," he says between bites. "I was just giving him shit."
"So he hasn't told you?"
"Told me what?"
"That he kidnapped me? That he's holding me here against my will?"
River smiles. Unfazed. "Oh, he did tell me that."
I glare at him.
"So that's the kind of man you are? You're just going to let him do this..."
"Do what?" he asks. "You look fine to me."
"I don't want to be here," I bark. "Please, if you have any morals at all... please just let me go."
He is quiet for a moment. I think he might actually be considering it. Until he laughs.
"Do you know where I met Javi?"
"No."
"In the psych ward," he says, twirling a finger around his head. "That should tell you I'm loco, little Bella."
"You met him in the sanitarium?"
Suddenly, I'm less concerned with my escape and more interested in what he has to say.
"After he killed his mother?"
"Yep."
His reply is matter of fact. Unbothered. And I find myself wondering about him too. If he doesn't seem to mind that Javi killed his mother, I can only imagine what he was in there for.
"You know what I think?" River asks.
"What?"
"I think you like him. I think you like the mystery of him. The dangerous man beneath the hood. Have you seen him yet?"
I open my mouth to deny it. But River laughs.
"Spare me. You can lie to yourself, princess. But you were worried about him leaving you here with the big bad wolf because you feel safer with him."
"I just want to leave," I tell him.
"Do you?" he asks. "Do you really?"
"Yes."
"And go back to what? That glamorous life you hated so much? Your pervert manager who couldn't keep his mitts off you?"
"It's not any different than Javi. I've traded one hell for another."
But even as I say the words, they feel like a lie. I hate it. I hate that I am so confused about Javi. I don't understand why I feel things when he touches me. Why I dream about him sometimes. Or why I lie awake at night in my bed, listening to see if he will come down the hall to my room.
River can see this weakness inside of me. And I'm certain Javi can too.
"I'm going to go read," I mutter.
River reaches for another apple and nods. But when I enter the hallway, his words stop me.
"How do you know?"
I turn and look at him.
"What?"
"How do you know he killed his mother?"
JAVI HAS BEEN GONE for four days. It feels like a year.
It's strange without his presence here.I'm on edge, and I don't really know why. I'm lonely and bored and the last four days have left me wordless and anxious.
River doesn't bother me.
He lounges around the house all day, eating apples and listening to music. Today I catch him looking at some of Javi's drawings. Drawings that I have only recently discovered myself. They have the same precision as the ones he used to send me.
I sit down across from River and watch him as he studies the charcoal sketches.
"What do you think they mean?"
River rolls his eyes. Laughs.
"Why does everything have to mean something? Maybe he just likes to draw."
I don't reply.
He's a smart ass. And I don't know why I even thought to bother with him at all.
I stand up. But he stops me again.
"They're tattoos."
"Tattoos?"
River pulls up his sleeve and shows off his own ink. Raises his eyebrows at me like I'm a half-wit.
"I know what tattoos are."
"Congratulations," he replies.
"You're an asshole."
"Never said I wasn't."
We fall silent. Staring at each other. I want to ask him when Javi is going to be back. It's taking too long. And I don't know why it matters, but it just does.
"He draws them," River tells me. "I ink them."
"He has tattoos?"
"You really haven't seen him," he says. "Have you?"
I shake my head. He smiles.
"Won't be long now."
I glare, and he makes a gesture with his hand.
"You can run along now. I'm bored of you."
And so continues the next three days.
River doesn't look at me. Whatever concerns I had in the beginning are long gone now. I know now that he either respects or fears Javi too much to do anything to me.
We are like ghosts in the house, living together, but not really speaking. Until the seventh day. When even he is on edge, and he comes to the conservatory and finds me reading. He walks around the room, taking in the roses and the books while eating his apple.
Quiet.
Too quiet.
"I have to go out for a little bit."
"What?"
"I have to leave for a while."
At first, I think he's joking. But it becomes obvious that this time he isn't. I'm not really concerned with the why, because this could be it. My chance.
"Okay."
He's quiet again. Thinking again. Watching me while he eats his apple.
"It's been too long."
"What do you mean?"
"He should have been back by now."
I swallow. Tell myself I don't care. It doesn't matter. Javi doesn't mean anything to me. If he's gone, then it means I can be free again. It's what I should be thinking. Instead, something else comes out of my mouth.
"Is he okay?"
River shrugs like it's not a big deal. But he looks concerned. As concerned as a psychopath can be, I suppose.
"Come with me for a minute," he says. "I need to show you something."
I close the book and stand up. He walks down the hallway, and I follow. He pauses at the door to Javi's master suite and gestures to a piece of paper on the bedside table. I move to inspect it, only to realize it was a trick when River shuts the door behind me and engages the lock.
"What the hell?"
I pound on the door.
"Let me out."
"Sorry, princess. No can do. Gotta make sure you don't cause any mischief while I'm gone."
"I won't," I lie. "Please don't leave me locked in here."
"You have everything you need in there. I'll be back soon."
"But what if you're not?" I ask. "What if something happens and you can't come back?"
Silence is the only response I get. Because he's gone. And when I turn around, I'm not any more relieved to see that he was right. He has, in fact, stocked the room with everything I could need.
For what looks like a year.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS.
Three long, never-ending days.
While River supplied me with food and books, he didn't supply me with my journal. So I have my thoughts, but nothing to write them down with.
I sing the new lyrics on repeat so that I can remember. I take baths. I eat the food he left in here for me. I attempt to read. But my mind is elsewhere. Scattered. Wondering what's happening.
Where is Javi? What is he doing?
I don't have to wonder long. On the fourth day, River returns. I want to slap him when he opens the door. But the expression on his face is grim.
"What is it?" I ask.
My stomach flips, and I'm afraid to hear whatever it is he has to say. He gestures for me to follow him. Something that didn't bode well for me before, but this time, I trust his intentions aren't trickery.
I shuffle along beside him to keep up with his long strides.