“I was writing you. Of course I wanted you,” she said.
“I can’t for sure give you children,” he blurted out. “That’s probably the other thing you need to know. I know how much you’ve always wanted them.”
She blinked at that, momentarily stunned. She thought about it for a moment, because she didn’t want to speak too hastily. She wanted to be sincere. “I can always adopt or foster like Willow… Why can’t you have children, though?”
He shrugged. “It’s just rare for bear shifters. It’s hard to procreate, just like it’s tough for bears in the wild. I’m not saying it can’t happen. After all, my mom had me. But I’m just saying you’d have better chances with a human man.”
“I don’t want my chances with a human man, Cage. I’m twenty-eight and single by choice. You’re all I’ve thought about. Honestly, the fact that you lied to me bothers me more than anything else. I need time to think about this.”
He nodded, his large shoulders slumping. Then he raised up and looked at her. “I have things to deal with anyway. I’m about to wrap things up with the Aces. I was planning to tell you soon. Tomorrow even. But then this happened.” He gave her a sincere look. “I really do want you, Carrie. It’s been hard to stay undercover and not let you in on it. I can explain everything better later, when you’re less hurt.”
“Or you can explain now,” she said. “Because right now, it looks like you came back because it was a job and just tried to win me over because it was convenient for your cover.”
“Convenient?” he asked. “To fight the Aces continually over claiming you? To always be on your side without blowing my cover?” He let out a bitter laugh. “No, you’ve got it all wrong. This job was to get rid of the Aces, for you. The one who hired me was Willow.”
Dammit. So Willow had known all along what Cage was, because they’d kept writing. But she hadn’t told Carrie. That was why Willow hadn’t looked angry when Carrie mentioned Cage being an Ace. Only confused.
“Dammit, if Willow knew, then why couldn’t I?”
“Because Willow isn’t around the Aces. Because if they got any idea you didn’t look at me as an Ace, you could have blown my cover. And because they threatened you if there was anything not above board about me. That’s why it’s important that from here on out, you stay safe. Shit is going to blow up tomorrow. I need to know you’ll stay here with Willow. Keep the kids inside. Keep the doors locked.”
She nodded. “What’s going on, though?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I may need to go to your bar. Apparently, my mother left something there with the old owner, the one who owned it before the guy you bought it from, when she was running away.”
“Fine,” she said. “I guess you could probably break in without me anyway. Private security, what is that anyway?”#p#分页标题#e#
“Anything from bodyguards to private investigation. We all have different skills. Anyone can hire us to protect them.”
“Makes sense,” she said in a deadened tone. “You always were good at protecting people. So that’s what you’ve been doing the past few years while you weren’t writing?”
“In part,” he said. “But I told you already. I thought it was fine because I was building a life for us. I wanted a comfortable life for you. A house. The works. I told myself that made it okay that I was waiting. I’m sorry I didn’t realize the silence was hurting you.”
“Such a man,” she said with a sigh. “Of course it hurt me. Those letters were all I had of you. If you were really thinking of me, I thought you’d send them.”
“But you still thought of me, right?” he asked. “Even when I wasn’t writing?”
She had, from fantasies to wondering what he was doing to imagining what would happen if he ever came back. The reality of it was nothing like she’d ever pictured.
Her heart ached, but it was good to have the truth, or most of it, out in the open.
“I did think of you,” she said. “But it wasn’t the same.”
“I thought of you,” he said. “I just kept thinking of how good it could be. Then when I’d make concrete plans, the reality of it would hit. What would you do when you found out I was a bear? What would you do when you heard about my job? Would it be good enough? Would it be everything you expected when you sent me out into the world to better myself?”