Paula and their friend Emilio had seen Debbie drunk often and they’d all laughed together about some of her antics, like the afternoon she staged a pickle rolling contest, offering twenty bucks to the winner, who turned out to be Paula. Her friends always understood Debbie and it was why they were the only people who ever visited during high school.
John South emerged from the house, the breaking crystal more than he could stand. Debbie took her bow and her ample breasts slipped out of the negligee. She drew herself up before she saw him standing next to her.
“Want a little action, Johnnie?” she asked loudly, jiggling her chest in his face.
Steph thought she might be sick.
“God, Debbie, you’re trashed,” he scolded sharply, turning away from her and gathering the large shards from the deck.
She looked ashamed and she readjusted herself without looking at him again. As she opened the screen door, she glanced up toward the rock and Steph wondered if she’d known they were there all along.
Once John went back inside they scrunched down again behind the rock. Paula closed her eyes as if she were meditating. Steph didn’t know what to say. Her mother had interrupted an important emotional moment they couldn’t get back, and now Paula seemed to have slipped away into her own private world. She fidgeted uncomfortably while Paula remained still. It was an unusual twist since usually she was the quiet one, lost in her own thoughts while Paula chatted endlessly.
The silence became too much. “Paula, are you okay?”
When Paula’s eyes fluttered open, a few tears escaped before she said with a laugh, “Nope.” She reread the letter, quietly folded it into thirds and handed it to her. She wore a look of sad resignation. “I really am happy for you, Steph. We’ve always wanted the best for each other and I don’t want that to change.”
“Thanks,” Steph said, relieved.
She leaned closer and Steph could smell the Chanel No. 5 she’d given her for Christmas. “But if you’re going away then I think we need something special to remember each other by. I want more, Steph, right now. Your mother’s in the house and your dad is preoccupied. No one’s coming. I want to be your first. Please,” she begged.
Paula nuzzled her neck until Steph was blinded by sheer ecstasy. Their clothes were shed again in a matter of seconds and Paula hovered over her, wearing only her underwear. She was beautiful but Steph sat limp against the rock, like a discarded rag doll. She didn’t know what to do.
Paula crawled to her and kissed her softly, her body flowing against Steph’s. She lay her down on the soft grass and traced circles on her belly. When her hand swept under Steph’s waistband, it was as though an alarm sounded. Steph sat up and Paula fell backward.
“Paula, I can’t.” When her eyes remained unconvinced, she added, “I love you as a friend but I don’t want you like that. I thought you understood.”
Paula’s jaw dropped and it seemed to Steph that her mind floated away from the moment, from anything that had existed between them. She remained motionless for a long time as if absorbed fully in herself, long enough for Steph to hear the cars racing home on the road beyond the little forest. Suddenly Paula reached for her clothes and hurriedly dressed as if she were late for curfew.
She started down the hill quickly, Steph trailing after her. They walked around to the front of the house and into the sunlight. Paula put on her sunglasses and looked up, as if a spotlight had been turned on her. Her hair shimmered and her creamy skin relished the attention of the sun. Gone were the tears of an hour ago, replaced by a mask of self-assuredness.
“Well, goodbye, Steph.”
She was puzzled. Paula was spending the summer in Seattle with her grandparents but she didn’t leave for a week.
“What’s with goodbye? We’ll see each other before you go, right?”
She looked away. “Actually I’m leaving tomorrow. My grandfather asked me to come early and help with the chores.”
Steph knew Paula’s grandparents were third generation fishermen who owned their own business on the Washington coast. Paula loved visiting them and had invited Steph along one summer. It was the best summer she could remember.
“Oh,” was all Steph could say, unable to right herself from the emotional whiplash she felt. In only a few seconds it was as if the last ten years vanished.
Suddenly it was all overwhelming and the clear path of her future was covered in fog. She opened her mouth to say—something. But Paula turned away, her face impassive, and headed down the sidewalk. Steph watched the sunlight sparkle against her hair for as long as she could, until Paula rounded the corner to her street and disappeared.