She frowned. “I don’t need a man to protect me. I can take care of myself.”
“That was true before and will be true again, but right now—and it’s not male protectors I’m talking about—right now you’re very vulnerable. Both you and the child you’re carrying.”
“It means I have to be extra careful. I don’t want anyone’s pity. Be my friend. If I need a bodyguard, I’ll hire one.”
“Juli—”
“Shh.”
“Juli, I don’t want to be your friend. No, I do want to be your friend, but I want more.”
His intensity breached her self-control. Her breathing quickened and the flush felt like it was rushing back. Could he mean—was he trying to say—? No, she reminded herself, he hadn’t said anything with the word love in it.
“Let’s wait and discuss this at the house? This isn’t the place.”
He met her eyes steadily. “Agreed.”
****
Luke gestured toward the kitchen. “Mind if I fix myself a cup of coffee? Would you like something?”
“Water with lemon.” She fit perfectly into the swivel rocker. She kicked off her shoes thinking this pair, these instruments of torture, weren’t going back on her feet for a long time. She put her feet up on the ottoman. They were puffy and the red indentations looked awful. Once upon a time, she would have been more discreet, but this was Luke and she had this six-month-plus belly that somehow made her feel less concerned about pretense.
The emotion laced throughout their dinner conversation had diminished. Juli was grateful. Luke’s demeanor had relaxed during the ride home and now he was content to fetch refreshments, so he probably felt the same.
“Here you go.” He handed her the glass of water, then sat on the sofa. “Do you feel like talking?”
“If you do. Why did you invite me out?” She’d asked the same question of Ben a long time ago. Not so long. Not even a year.
“You know I have feelings for you. How could you not know?” Despite the calm voice, he betrayed his tension in the grip of his hands, the white knuckles.
“When you invited me to move in with you, for my safety, I thought…well, I believed you didn’t…you were being kind, closing out the time of our lives when we had Ben in common.”
“Ben’s gone. We’re still here.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It means this is about you and me” He stood and paced with agitation across the room and back. “It doesn’t make sense. I’ve lived happily for the last fifteen years, but nothing works right anymore. It hasn’t in a long time.”
“Is that my fault?” But she wasn’t angry. In fact, something fun and bubbly was happening inside her chest. She pressed her lips together wanting to hold the happiness in.
Luke misread her expression. He looked stricken. “I’ve upset you. That’s the last thing I want to do.”
Did she dare to believe? Those happy feelings were still bubbling inside.
“What do you want, Luke? Please be sure of what you’re saying. I’m not as tough as I used to be.” Her eyes were wet. How had that happened?
Luke came toward her.
Her feet were now on the floor and she’d moved to the edge of the seat without thought, like a magnet drawn by Luke’s approach.
Chapter Thirty-Three
“I want you. Juli, I—” He stopped.
She waited, now enfolded in his arms, her head bowed against his chest, willing him to finish the sentence—with the right words. Her own arms were around him, her hands caressing his back.
“I want you to be safe. Come with me—”
Strength left her arms. She turned her face away. The lesson of not putting so much trust in any individual resurfaced. She’d been schooled again.
Juli pulled the remnants of her dignity up from somewhere. She left Luke standing there, his arms still shaped to hold her, and slowly lowered herself back into the chair.
“What did I say wrong?” His face showed confusion.
If he didn’t know, she wouldn’t tell him. He had to feel the love in his bones and it needed to be such a big feeling it couldn’t be restrained. After her time with Ben, she wouldn’t settle for less.
Luke fell to his knees beside her. “I respect your independence. I know how important it is to you.” He went silent as if summoning his next words with care. “I know you cared about—loved—Ben and he loved you. You need some time. I respect that.”
She waited. Did she need time? Was Luke projecting his own feelings onto her?
Juli’s disappointment in Luke warmed and mellowed. He didn’t choose to be confused. “You like your independence, too, and you loved Ben.” Did she want to run Luke off? The temptation to settle for what she could get was strong. Love would grow. Ben had said those same words, hadn’t he? “Maybe we both need more time.”