He waited, but she stayed silent, so he resumed. “When I think of Ben, I think of faith. Ben believed that, with faith, all things are possible. When I remember how he loved his church, his family, and his friends, I think of a stone that is dropped into a lake. A small stone, a pebble, that sends fluid ripples across the surface. Ripples that repeat and repeat, effortlessly, in a shared unity, until they have touched the whole lake.”
The pastor folded his hands on the table. “His faith assured him that his actions and words, even the least of them, would touch other people.”
“He had faith, but he died anyway.”
“He did. Faith also means that we bow to God’s will. Juli, Ben never prayed to live. He prayed to live well, and that when it was God’s will to take him, that he, in his physical form, would die well and go to his Savior with a glad heart.”
“You mean that he was spared pain?” She winced at the snappish sound of her voice. “I overheard people say it at the funeral—at least he was spared the worst of the pain.”
“I’m glad Ben was spared pain, but that’s not what I mean. I mean he died, not looking back upon his life with despair, but looking forward to being with his Savior. I know he wasn’t ready to go in the sense that he wanted to leave, but when he could’ve held back, and no one would have blamed him, he went into the ocean to save a child.”
She couldn’t resolve it in her mind. The pastor’s words sounded good and even rang true in her heart, but the idea of faith was foreign to her.
“Juli. I’d like to ask you something.” He reached out and touched the puzzle pieces. When he moved one, it left a faint outline. “Are you working this puzzle?”
She shook her head. “It was Ben’s.”
“I see. Would you like some help picking it up?”
She pushed the box over to him. He started gathering the pieces and she joined in. A stupid puzzle—why did it feel so good to have it out of the way?
Juli shook his hand warmly as he was leaving.
“It meant a lot to Ben when you attended church with him. You know you’re always welcome. I hope you’ll come and see us again.”
“Thank you. Just now, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
“I understand. You are welcome to think about it under our roof.” He laughed softly. “Sometimes I do my best thinking there. If you don’t mind, I and our congregation will keep you in our prayers.”
After Pastor Herrin left, she called Luke and asked for his help. He didn’t answer so she left a message on the voicemail, “Luke, I’d appreciate it if you’d call me. I need some help figuring out Ben’s finances.”
****
Luke showed up at her door on Saturday morning. His hair was slightly ruffled by the wind. He wore a loose, casual shirt that made him look broader through the shoulders, khaki shorts and sandals.
“Juli?”
“Come in, please.” She stepped aside. “I appreciate your willingness to help. Coffee?”
“No.” Not even a hint of a smile lightened his face. He nodded toward the study. “In there? What can I help you with?”
Chapter Twenty-One
One of the first things Luke did was to back up the data on Ben’s computer. “Let’s not risk losing this. Did Ben show you what he kept where?”
She shook her head. “A few things, that’s all. Maybe he planned to do more after he changed the will, but, well, you know.”
It was Luke’s turn to shake his head. “What was he thinking?”
Her temper flared, but before she lashed out he spoke again, answering his own question.
“Ben thought he had time yet to show you through his records. Did he tell you what to do first?”
“He told me to go to you.” How embarrassing. “For help,” she added.
Luke stared at the keyboard for a few moments before he spoke. “Let’s check his computer and desk drawers and see what Ben left us to work with.”
“Okay.” She gestured at the desk, inviting him to go through Ben’s records, but Luke was looking past her.
“What’s that?”
Juli followed his eyes to the far wall where Ben had hung the sketched portrait.
“Nothing much.”
“Did you draw it?”
“Yes. It was silly of him to frame it.”
“Well, he was that kind of guy. A nice man and a good friend.”
Juli wanted to declare Ben had hung it because he liked it and because it was special to him, not because he was a nice guy. She held back. She was emotional these days. Out of sight, below the level of the desk where Luke couldn’t see, she twisted her fingers. The feel of Ben’s rings upon her fingers reminded her to be patient. She shouldn’t be so quick to take offense.