Juli shook her head. “I don’t think I’m ready.”
“Nonsense. If you don’t want the others to ask about Ben or how you’re doing, I’ll tell them not to. But to stay away? No, you need to come back, at least for a while, so they won’t think their presence at the funeral was unappreciated.”
“It was appreciated.” Juli noted Anna’s red-rimmed eyes and remembered Anna had been Ben’s friend for many years. Anna felt grief, too. “Thank you for coming over.”
“I lost my husband years ago. I remember how it was. It’s hard to lose someone dear to you.” She reached over and patted Juli’s hand. “It takes time to learn new habits, to go from being a couple to being on your own again.”
“We weren’t married very long.”
“You cared about him and he cared about you. You two fell into being a couple as easy as pie.”
“It’s strange being alone now. Especially at night. Noises and all.” How could she be confessing this to anyone? Afraid of noises at night? Next she’d be needing a night light.
“That’s normal. Get an alarm system. Or maybe it’s fronting on the ocean that’s the problem. Between the wind and the water, any house is bound to creak. An oceanfront house needs extra care too, more than you’re accustomed to living inland.”
“It’s a lot of responsibility to manage on my own.”
“Now that does sound scary. Noises, not so much.” Anna laughed.
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t even believe this is mine. Not really. What did I do to earn it? We had a business arrangement, a generous business arrangement.”
“You feel guilty?”
She nodded. “Yes. No. I do, but I’m also happy about it, and I think that’s what I feel guilty about. It sounds stupid to say it out loud.”
“It does.”
“So, I think I’ll stop.”
“Excellent.” Anna clapped. “And you’ll come back to class?”
****
Pastor Herrin knocked on the door. It was the one action she’d taken on her own, calling him and inviting him over. Juli was looking forward to his visit. He was a connection to Ben—a living, breathing piece of her wedding memory.
“Tea or coffee?”
“A glass of water would be welcome.”
“Please have a seat.”
When she returned she was surprised to see he’d taken Ben’s chair at the table by the window. She put the coaster down and set the glass of water on top of it. She hadn’t noticed before, but the table and the puzzle pieces were already dusty.
“I want you to know I appreciated your support of Ben when we married and later, too.”
“I was concerned about Ben’s plan to marry. Knowing what he was going through, it seemed too sudden a decision, but Ben opened his heart to me and I agreed to perform the service. When I met you on your wedding day and saw how you two cared about each other, my worries fell away.”
“How we cared about each other? We barely knew each other.”
“Appearances can be deceiving, I know, but I saw something special about the two of you. Was I wrong?”
“No, I don’t think so…I came to love him. I wasn’t in love with him.” Was that stress in her voice? Guilt? Ben had known. They hadn’t pretended with each other.
Pastor Herrin nodded. He had soft blue eyes. Kind eyes.
“People marry for love every day. Love means different things to different people. For many, it becomes confused with passion. If a marriage has a good foundation, and the spouses are honest and committed, the ‘in love’ often grows into love. Love is too precious not to value however it comes to us. Both you and Ben were two people who entered into a marriage with good will—people of good heart and intention with the capacity to love. And, in this case, it was a very special situation.”
Her face was warm and likely bright red. “Pastor, I don’t want to seem dishonest. You know this began as a business arrangement, right?”
“Yes, I understood. All the more reason to celebrate two loving hearts who supported each other during a time of great need.”
“I’m embarrassed to admit I don’t know what you said about Ben during the service. I’m sorry, it didn’t stick in my mind.”
“Juli, this is a very stressful time. Sometimes it’s enough to do our best—to get through our troubles with dignity and charity—with hope for a better day. That’s one way to think of faith. We are fortunate to be able to call upon our Savior and Lord for help. This was something dear to Ben’s heart. When I gave Ben’s eulogy, I spoke from the Books of Matthew and Romans.”