There was a program in her hand. Someone had written it up and had it printed. Juli held onto the paper like an anchor, but didn’t dare read it.
She had to survive the service, then the ride to the cemetery and the graveside service. She could do this for Ben. For Ben’s sake and in his memory, she wanted to avoid causing gossip as much as his family members did. They’d get through this day and then they could all move on with their lives.
Tears welled in her eyes, stinging. She sniffled, but refused to cry.
She rode to Bay View Cemetery with Luke and another relative. They sat in the front seat, she sat in the back. They’d had the good sense to put Adela in a different car. Juli settled back in the corner of the seat as if she might find a hiding place. She saw Luke checking on her via the rearview mirror. She met his eyes, then looked away.
He was one of them. She wasn’t.
They walked past the thigh-high red brick walls and then between the graves. She tried not to step on them, yet she was trapped in the front of the crowd making its way to the gravesite. She dared not stop. A tingly, jittery feeling started in her chest and the air felt thick. Someone moved in beside her and took her arm.
“Juli.”
Maia. Juli nodded. She wasn’t alone amid strangers and hostile acquaintances.
They seated Juli in the front row of chairs, smack in the middle and directly in front of the casket, as befitted the widow. Maia remained standing near the end of the row of chairs. Luke had seated Adela. He handled her gently, murmuring soft words to her.
She said, “–Deb. He’s next to her now, at rest. They are finally reunited.” Juli heard her clearly as did everyone within a few feet.
Somewhere deep inside, she felt it rising, sharp and suffocating. Her ears rang and she began to panic. She couldn’t run for fresh air here. She was trapped and began to shake. Juli looked up, her eyes bypassing the flower-draped casket. She felt her calves tightening, preparing to stand, to escape. Anna caught her eye. She was standing near Maia who lifted her hand in a slight wave.
Beyond Anna and Maia was a weathered, wrinkled face, topped by a snow white crew-cut. Dodge. Next to him were Laura and Donna, their eyes red and swollen. Billy Wooten stood with them, hair combed and dressed in a suit.
The frantic feeling flowed out of Juli. She was in control. She could make it through. Maia and Anna were Ben’s friends, but they were also hers. Some of these people were her friends only. They were here because they liked her enough to show support by spending these hours at a funeral for a man they never knew.
****
“Juli, these are my parents, Matt and Susannah Winters.”
She saw two middle-aged strangers who looked remote. Sad? Yes. But around her, people were hugging and commiserating with each other over the loss of their friend. She was trying to figure out what to say when Adela’s voice echoed across the open cemetery. “What do you mean I can’t sell the house?”
Juli cringed at her strident voice and the words. Fred Lawson, a kind man and Ben’s attorney, placed a hand on Adela’s shoulder and guided her across the sloping green lawn toward the line of parked cars. He was bending toward her speaking low, soothing her.
When Juli turned back, Mr. and Mrs. Winters were gone.
“Juli?” Pastor Herrin took her hands in his. “Your hands are cold. Are you alright?”
He’d married them, and now had presided over Ben’s funeral, all within a span of about four months. “Thank you, yes. I’ll be okay.”
“Please call me when you’re ready to talk.”
She nodded, grateful he’d stopped to speak with her. He’d given the eulogy over the closed casket and made brief remarks at the graveside. Juli couldn’t recall a single word, only the calming cadence of his voice.
Luke escorted her to the lead vehicle with a hand placed delicately, but firmly, behind her elbow. He wasn’t exactly friendly, but she didn’t sense the tension to which she’d grown accustomed. Was he subdued by grief? Or was it, now that Ben was gone, she would vanish from their lives in a matter of days?
Adela had made the funeral arrangements and no gathering was planned at Ben’s house. Or anywhere. Food and fellowship following the funeral was customary. Juli suspected Adela wanted to cut her out. If everyone came to their home for food and condolences, it would have been impossible to exclude Juli. It was cruel and petty, but unwittingly, Adela had done Juli a favor. Having to host fellow mourners after surviving this day, would’ve been the ultimate nightmare.
When they returned to the house, she was surprised to see two cars parked on their side of the driveway. Luke gave the rental car a long look. “The black sedan is Fred Lawson’s.”