“No, thanks, I’m not leaving yet. I’d like to be alone. I have some things to take care of.”
He cracked his knuckles. “Sure. No problem. I’ll carry a load down on my way out.”
“No, thanks. I can handle it.”
Frankie was dissatisfied and pouted. “What? Now, I’m a thief? I’m not good enough to touch your bags?” He nudged his shoe against one of the bags on the floor.
“Not what I said, Frankie.” She wasn’t going to miss him. On the other hand he would likely still be living here when she returned. No need to make enemies. “I appreciate the offer, Frankie, but no thanks. I’ll keep in touch.”
****
Ben was holding a piece of paper when she entered the room. In a low, serious voice, he asked, “Is there something you want to tell me?”
Guilt flared. What was it? Frankie? Keeping her apartment?
Her stomach twisted. Was their deal over already? “What do you mean?”
Ben waved the GED pamphlet. “Is this yours?”
The flush sweeping her body felt like it could’ve rivaled the apocalyptic sunset.
“It is yours, isn’t it?” He laid the pamphlet on the counter next to the books she’d purchased. He rushed to her and touched her arms. “You aren’t going to faint are you? Do you need to sit down? I was teasing. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She breathed deeply. “It's embarrassing.”
He pulled her down onto the sofa. “Why are you embarrassed? I don’t know how it happened that you didn’t get a high school diploma, but I can help.”
“No.”
“I want to help you. Do you need to take classes? How does it work?”
“I can take classes or study on my own and then I take a test.”
“The pamphlet says you can study online.”
“I haven’t really used computers. I don’t have one and I’m not….”
“Come with me.” He grabbed her hand, excited. “This way.”
Like an eager kid, he led her to his study and insisted she sit at his desk.
“Watch,” he said.
That was the first of the lessons. It became part of their routine.
Ben enjoyed giving—giving to people in general, but especially giving to her.
Briefly, she was annoyed. Juli didn’t want to be anyone’s project, but then she realized it wasn’t about her wants. This was what Ben needed to do for Ben. Good deeds. Something to leave behind.
If he needed a beneficiary of his good works or someone to be his project, then she could receive it gracefully. The benefit to her was unmistakable and satisfying to him.
****
During their first two weeks of marriage they became more comfortable with each other. She marveled Ben had picked them as a good match so quickly and she hoped it would last. She wasn’t drawn to him physically, but neither was she repelled. They touched and held hands. One hand over another, helping to guide a mouse, could feel intimate, and it did—friend intimate. A close friend.
Once or twice she gave Ben an opening to discuss his illness more fully, but he turned away as if not recognizing her interest. She was torn about pressing the issue. She was afraid he’d invite her to go with him to the doctor’s office. Riding with him, even sitting in the waiting room while he met with his doctor, was okay, but as his wife, they might expect her to go with him to the examination room—way beyond the level of intimacy she expected to share in a platonic relationship.
But it was only the second week.
Almost every evening they walked toward the sunset, usually hand in hand. People nodded and smiled at them. Juli liked that and the feel of his hand in hers, or his arm around her shoulders, gave her a strange sort of satisfaction.
Most nights, Ben went to bed early and her restlessness returned. Juli would stand at the porch rail like a figurehead on the prow of a ship, but restless, watching the night. She was in her twenties. There was life out there in the world. Now that she had the luxury of rest and free time, she was lonely, especially in the quiet of the evening.
In Emerald Isle proper there was little night life to speak of, certainly none anywhere near this strip of sand where she and Ben lived. When the sun went down, and the families came in from their beach activities, all was peaceful. She was alone and adrift, or would’ve been adrift, except she was anchored here, moored for the time being at Sea Green Glory. She consoled herself that her feelings were natural given the circumstances, but she acknowledged they were also ungrateful.
It was important to remember this was business, a contractual arrangement, despite the wedding ceremony. Almost all of the benefits in this bargain fell to her. In good faith, she could do better by Ben.