Once the four of us were buckled in, I fumbled for the keys. There was a moment of silence before I could start the engine in which Julian screwed up his face and began to whine, tossing his arms as if prepared for a royal tantrum.
"Hey, it's okay, little man." Though she was technically no longer my babysitter, Eva undid her seatbelt and leaned over the seat to check on him, finding him a toy to latch onto and chew.
I glanced over and watched her sooth him. "I think this is his way of telling you he doesn't want you to go."
Eva sent me a sharp look and abruptly turned around, settling herself forward again. I bit my lip, gnawing on the rings at the corner, and stabbed my key into the ignition.
When I didn't turn the engine on and just stared straight ahead out the front windshield, Eva cleared her throat.
"Um . . . Pick?"
"Hmm?" I shifted my attention to her.
She crinkled her eyebrows. "Why aren't we going?"
"Oh." I looked down at my hand still resting on the key. But I just couldn't turn it.
Fuck. It was confession time. "I guess it's my turn to balk." I drew in a heaving breath and added, "Because this is my way of telling you I don't want you to go."
Then I held in the breath I'd just gulped down, creating a pocket of distress in my gullet as I waited for her response.
"You want me to stay?" She sounded hopeful as her eyes lit up. Or maybe I was the hopeful one, trying to project it onto her. Yeah, that had to be it.
"Ignore me," I mumbled, reaching for the key again. "I'm being stupid."
But she snaked her hand out and covered my fingers, stopping me from starting the car. "I want to stay, too," she said, her admission so low I almost didn't hear it.
I straightened and twisted my entire torso to face her fully. "You do?"
Nodding, she yanked her hand from mine and began to wring all ten fingers at her waist. "I mean, Julian's going to need a babysitter anyway, whether it's me or Mrs. Rojas. And if you pay us the same, then I don't see why it'd make any difference if I-"
"Stay," I said simply.
Eva bit her lip. Her chest rose as she took a deep breath. And then she nodded. "Okay."
EVA
This was crazy. Insane. Completely foolish. I'd pretty much just agreed to move in with a guy I'd never even kissed after only having known him for a few months.
We never did clarify how long I had agreed to stay. I'm not sure if that made the situation better or worse. Maybe he only wanted me another month or two. Maybe forever.
I hoped forever, though oh God, I shouldn't be hoping that, should I?
What if his wife came home? What if he started dating? What if . . . ?
"Do you need to call Reese and let her know you're not coming back?" he asked, carrying both kids again as he followed me back up the stairs to his apartment. "She was expecting you tonight, wasn't she?"
I bit my lip but didn't turn to let him see my sudden unease. "Yeah, I guess I should." I pulled my key from my purse. As I was unlocking the door, I realized I should've given the key back already since I'd been planning on leaving.
God, I had subconsciously known all along I wouldn't be going anywhere tonight, hadn't I?
"Do you want to use my cell phone? Her number's already in the phonebook."
"Okay." But I didn't want to call Reese. I already knew what she'd say. She'd turn into my conscience and tell me what a terrible, awful, stupid idea this was. And then, what if she somehow convinced me not to do it? I didn't want her to convince me not to do this. I wanted to stay with Pick and Julian.
Pick set down the two carriers and fished his phone from his pocket. As he extended it to me, he sought my gaze with his own. When I realized he was trying to read me and see if I wanted to change my mind, my decision to stay cemented itself further. He wanted me here, but he'd never do anything to force my hand. That's why I didn't want to leave, because he wanted me to be my own person and make my own decisions.
I took the phone and entered my birthday to get into the home screen, which reminded me he had secrets he was keeping. Damn, maybe I was acting too rashly. I didn't know much about him.
But the phone was already ringing in my ear, and I still wanted to stay. My instincts trusted this man; they rarely trusted anyone.
My gut churned. Pick was getting the kids free of their carriers, so I turned away and hurried down the hall to our room.
When my cousin answered, a cold sweat poured over me.
"Hey," I answered. "I, uh, I guess I won't be coming back tonight after all."
Reese didn't sound suspicious at all. "Really? What happened now? The neighbors contract malaria?"
I didn't laugh along with her. "No. No." I shook my head and nervously started playing with my hair, winding tendrils around my finger and letting them corkscrew free. "The Rojas are all healthy now. Pick and I just . . . we decided I might as well just stay on, you know, for the foreseeable future, as . . . as his permanent babysitter."
When my cousin didn't answer, I squeezed my eyes closed and clenched my teeth.
"The foreseeable future?" she echoed.
"Yeah." I shrugged, making it sound like no big deal. "You know, just play each day by ear. He needs a babysitter anyway, and I still need a job. It just . . . it works well for us this way. And you and Mason get to keep your love nest undisturbed."
"Right." Reese drew out the word. "Because this is all about Mason and me."
Her scathing tone made me scowl. I opened my mouth to tell her I did want her and Mason to get some freedom from me-even if that wasn't the main reason-but Reese exploded.
"Seriously, what're you doing, E.? You're the one who convinced me why the two of you can't be together. So, why are you torturing yourself like this? You're going to end up falling for him, and then his wife's going to come home, and you'll be thrown out on your ass, homeless, jobless, and freaking heartbroken."
I sighed and closed my eyes, not about to tell her part of her prediction was too late. I'd already fallen for him.
"It's not like that," I argued. "We've never even kissed."
Reese snorted. "I was far and gone in love with Mason before he ever put his lips anywhere near mine. Love doesn't start with kissing or sex, it starts with feelings. And you and Pick . . . gah, you can't tell me there aren't feelings there."
I closed my eyes and sighed. "I can't leave, Ree Ree. I just . . . I can't. I know you don't understand that, but-"
"No, sweetie. I understand it perfectly, and that's why I'm worried. But I also want you to be happy, and I've never seen you as happy as you are with him. I'm going to keep worrying, though, because I love you."
My heart melted when I realized she meant her words. It was still so strange and amazing to me that anyone gave a shit about me. "And I love you too, but-"
"No buts. I understand. I'm just leery. And now that I've voiced my concerns, I'll shut up. Just remember, I'll always be here if you need me. I can at least promise you won't go homeless."
"Thank you." I bit my lip. Knowing she had my best interests at heart but was still suspicious made me second-guess myself. "You know," I said slowly. "Just to be on the safe side, maybe I won't take all my stuff from your place quite yet."
"Smart thinking."
After I hung up, her words echoed through my head. I walked slowly from the hallway back to the living room, where Pick was pacing the floor with Skylar. He turned to me abruptly, his gaze anxious.
"Well?"
"Well what?" Damn, he knew I was waffling.
"Did she talk you out of staying?"
The scales tipped in his favor again, and a glow lit me up from the inside as I shook my head. He'd been so worried about me leaving. It felt nice to be this wanted. Correction: if felt nice to know he wanted me.
"No. She didn't."
His stare narrowed. "You talk yourself out it?"
"Not yet." After strolling the rest of the way to him, I braced my hands on his forearms and leaned in to kiss Skylar's head. While my lips were still pressed against her soft skin, my gaze met his. Heat coiled inside me when I realized we were only inches apart.
His brown eyes were watchful, wary, and yet filled with their own brand of desire. "So, we're really doing this, then?"
I pulled back slowly and nodded. "Yeah. We're really doing this."
Relief hissed from his lungs, and a slow smile spread. "Good."
PICK
Eva had reassured me, but we still stayed quiet for the rest of the evening. After putting the kids to bed, we curled up on the couch together and found a sitcom to watch. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and she rested her cheek on my chest.
At bedtime, we still didn't talk much as we readied ourselves for the night. A nervous tension thrummed through my bones. I turned off the light and waited until she climbed onto the mattress before I followed her under the sheets. And finally, I drew out the edgy breath I'd been holding, a little more certain she was really going to stay.