Laughing, I shoved him in the shoulder until he straightened up and whirled back to face the front again where he blew more kisses at another screaming brood of women.
"And then we have my sexy self right here." I slid my free hand down my side to put on a provocative display. "But seriously? Who needs any more introduction than this hunka-hunka burnin' love?"
A trio of ladies right below me called my name and reached up their hands to pet my knees since they couldn't seem to get any higher.
Wanting to keep them in my corner but also get their paws off me, I clasped their fingers like some kind of rock star on a stage who was greeting his fans.
But my supporters got a little too enthusiastic and tried to pull me down off the bar and back onto the floor with them, yanking me forward until I was bent over double and my head was at their level.
"Ladies, ladies," I called in the microphone. Laughing nervously, I tried to calm them. "A little decorum, please." Next to me, Mason grabbed my arm to keep me from tumbling off the mock stage, but greedy feminine hands kept pawing at me. Someone caught hold of the baggy shirt I was wearing, and before I quite knew what was happening, the women had ripped it off over my head.
Gaping down at my torso, I found myself completely shirtless. I yanked away, straightening up, and lifted my hands. "Okay, enough of that now, you shameless things. Behave your naughty selves. You gotta actually win before you can sample the goods."
Next to me, Ten tugged off his own shirt, obviously feeling the need to compare chests. More ladies screeched their approval and urged both Mason and Quinn to take theirs off as well. But the two do-gooders refused to budge.
I cast a glance toward the end of the bar where I'd last seen Tinker Bell. Covering her mouth, she laughed so hard, tears trickled down her cheeks. I winked at her just as it hit me that I was shirtless. If she were close enough, she'd be able to read the names tattooed over my heart. But fortunately, she wasn't. To be on the safe side, I turned slightly away from her.
"Moving along to the modest members of the group." I hitched my thumb Mason's way. "We have Family Man Mason. But watch out ladies, he's about to be a daddy."
When I motioned to the very pregnant Eva, Mason spun to me, his glare beating the shit out of me.
"What the hell?"
"Relax," I told him out the side of my mouth as I dropped the mic to my side. "I'm trying to make you look less appealing so no one will want you."
He didn't exactly relax, or stop glaring, but he didn't pounce and try to physically pound me into the ground either. The women reached for him as well, but he stepped to the very back edge of the bar so they couldn't lay a finger on him.
"And last, but certainly not least, we have Hamilton . . . the virgin."
Ten hooted and hollered, laughing his ass off, while Quinn's mouth dropped open, his face turning a very bright, scarlet red.
"Oh, that was harsh," Mason said into my ear, shaking his head in disapproval.
Ignoring him, I asked the crowd, "Any ladies out there willing to deflower this delicate little petal and show him what having a woman's all about?"
When a hell of a lot more feminine voices than I was expecting catcalled, claiming they would gladly take him on, I cringed, hoping my plan to make him look less appealing hadn't backfired on me. But shit, who knew women actually preferred inexperienced men?
I checked on Eva again, wondering if she was as pissed at me as Lowe was by my unappealing introductions, but she was still smiling. She shook her head as if to scold me, but her smile clearly said she forgave me for using her pregnancy for Mason's benefit.
"So, let's get this party started, shall we? Is anyone willing to buy one of us as your very own personal bartender for the rest of evening?"
About fifty woman lifted their hands, cash clutched between their fingers. "Ten bucks," some shouted.
I heard fifty and twenty from a couple of other directions, but I didn't react until a hundred was tossed out among the melee.
Holy shit! A hundred bucks? This was going to be a good auction.
I pointed that way. "Did I hear a hundred? I think I just heard a hundred."
"One twenty," another girl called, rattling me by how easily it had gone over a hundred.
"One twenty-five!"
And we were on. The bidding quickly escalated. We reached two hundred dollars in a matter of seconds. My palms started to sweat, so I rubbed one against the hip of my jeans. More than half the crowd of ladies dropped out at three hundred. But some kept going, hot and heavy. By the time we reached four-fifty, a bead of sweat anxiously leaked down the side of my temple because I was certain the tall redhead below me, who was one of the big bidders, would choose me. But when the price went up to five seventy-five, that woman dropped out. It came down to two ladies I'd never seen before.
"Do I hear six hundred?" I asked, pointing at the woman whose turn it was to raise the price.
She bit her lip, looking undecided and called, "five-eighty," right before her contender immediately said, "seven hundred."
No one wanted to top that. I kept the bidding open a few seconds longer, pointing out past women who'd thrown out a price before, but no one would go over seven hundred dollars. Not that I blamed them. Seven hundred was a lot of fucking money. I glanced at the blonde who was about to win the auction and tried to figure out which bartender she preferred. But I couldn't read her at all.
Unable to help myself, I checked on Eva again. She chewed on her bottom lip, studying the blonde winner as well.
I drew in a breath. "Well, it looks like we have a winner, weighing in at seven hundred big ones. Give me your hand, sweetheart, and climb on up here with us."
The blonde reached up for me, and I helped her step onto a stool and then the bar top so she was standing between me and Ten. "What's your name, precious?" I asked before lowering the microphone to her mouth.
She was an attractive thing, tall and slim with big breasts. Ten would have a field day with her if she chose him.
Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, she leaned forward to announce, "Cora."
"Well, congratulations are in order to you, Miss Cora. You won yourself your very own bartender for this evening. So, who's the lucky guy going to be?"
I held all the air in my lungs as she leaned past me, turning away from Ten. Shit. She was going to pick Lowe. Already trying to figure how to let her down easily, I was shocked senseless when she gestured at Quinn instead.
"Him," she said. "I want him."
I lifted my eyebrows and took in Quinn's reaction. His mouth fell open, and I swear the poor virgin fell into lust that very second. Instantly changing his tune, he stepped past Lowe and grinned shyly at Cora, his face bright red with embarrassment but also glowing with wonder.
"Uh . . . okay," he said.
Still standing between them and holding the mic in my hand, I announced. "Well, okay then. I hereby announce Cora and the Virgin, bartender and wife. May you two live happily ever after . . . or at least 'til the end of this shift. You may now serve her whatever alcohol she prefers."
Motioning Quinn to move past me, I nudged him and the blonde together as I told everyone else the auction was hereby closed, and thanked them for participating.
"Just for the record, you suck as an emcee," Ten growled into my ear after we were all on the floor again and ready to return to our regular duties. "That chick with the purple hair totally wanted to throw down some major cash for me."
"Hey, she had a chance to give her bid. I'm as pissed as you are, bud. I totally could've used an extra three hundred and fifty bucks tonight."
"Yeah, well, you still suck."
I rolled my eyes, and we parted ways. Lowe stayed behind the bar. I had a feeling he was never going to go out on the floor when it was ladies' night.
Fine by me. The tips out here rocked.
"I second Ten," he told me as I slipped my own damp shirt back on and tossed him his dry, borrowed one back. "You totally suck. Almost a daddy? What the hell was that about?"
"Hey, the winner didn't pick you, did she?" When he merely scowled, I nodded my head. "I rest my case."
Then I got my ass to work, because all that time we'd taken for the auction had shorted me out of that much tip money I could've been making.
Twenty minutes passed, things returned to normal, and Eva stayed seated on her stool at the end of the bar, sucking down water and orange juice. Mason wandered her way every once in a while to check on her, but mostly she was left to her own devices. I gnashed my teeth, wondering where the hell her cousin was and why she hadn't shown up to get my girl home yet. No one had picked on her, but the longer she stayed the higher the likelihood rose that she would be targeted.
I was busy as fuck, with only Ten and me working the floor and a flustered Lowe taking care of all the drinks. There was no time at all to stop by for more than a, "how're you doing?"