I follow him out into the street. He’s quiet for the longest time. I watch on as he paces the sidewalk. His hands are threaded through his hair. I presume his trying to calm himself down first. When he finally stops, he turns to face me.
“Remind me again, what do you see in that guy?”
“Excuse me? Is that why you came here?” I give him a look of disbelief. He better not have come all this way just to tell me that.
“No,” he says exhaling. His big brown eyes search out mine.
“Then why? What do you want, Carter?”
“You can do so much better.”
“Really?” Again with this bullshit.
“Yes. Can’t you see how wrong he is for you, Indi?” He steps forward and reaches for my hand. He met him for all of a minute. How would he know if he’s right for me or not?
“That’s not for you to decide, Carter,” I snap, pulling my hand from his. He doesn’t even know Mark. He has no right to judge.
“Indi, please.” His hands fist in his hair again. He’s definitely struggling with something. I have no idea what. Surely he didn’t come all the way here to tell me Mark was the wrong guy for me. He already made that quite clear last night. “If you stay with this guy, you’ll regret it. Trust me. There’s someone better out there … waiting.” What the hell is he talking about?
“Like who? You? Mr. I-don’t-do-commitment. You’re asking me to throw away a future with Mark, for what? Friends with benefits? Been there done that, remember? The day I gave you my heart was the same day you ripped it out and stomped on it. I’m not stupid enough to go through that again.” His shoulders slump slightly at my verbal assault, but every word I spoke is the truth.
“I’m sorry. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted,” he says. The sincerity in his voice is clear. I’d like to believe he would never purposely hurt me, but the fact is he did.
“Well you did. That’s irrelevant now because it’s in the past. I’m over it.” Which is a lie. I’m not sure I’ll ever completely be over it. “Why did you come here?”
“I don’t know. Fuck,” he says with a sigh.
“You don’t know what?” I’m really starting to lose my patience with his indecisiveness. “Spit it out, Carter. If there’s something you want to say, then just damn well say it.”
“I don’t know if I’m that guy, but I do know it’s definitely not him.” He’s not even making sense. He doesn’t want me to be with Mark and he doesn’t want me either. What the hell? His words cut me right to the core.
“Thanks for the advice. If that’s all, I need to get back to work. You’ve already pissed my boss off. I don’t want to lose my job.” I turn to walk away. Even more confused than I was the moment I saw him standing in the reception area. If he only came to cause trouble, then he’s achieved that. Disappointment consumes me. Funny thing is, I can’t even tell you why.
“Wait.” I stop when he reaches for my elbow. “Maybe I should’ve thought about what I was going to say before I got here, but I didn’t. I came on an impulse. I came …”
“For what, Carter?” I ask in a frustrated tone as I turn to face him again.
“I came to tell you …” I raise an eyebrow when he pauses. I’m waiting. “Look, I’m not sure if I can give you what you need, Indi, but I do know I don’t want to lose you to him.” He flicks his head towards the clinic when he says that. “I don’t want to lose you to anyone for that matter. I know you told me you loved him last night, but does he make you feel what I did when we were together? We had something special. I know you felt it too.”
No he doesn’t, but I’d never admit that out loud. My heart rate picks up. Is he asking me to break it off with Mark, so we can have a relationship? Has he lost his mind? “Had being the operative word here, Carter. I still have no idea what you are trying to say.”
“To be honest, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say,” he chuckles, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration. I feel my lips curve into a smile as I watch him. I’ve never seen him looking so unsure of himself. “It’s just … I’m lost without you. I’ve spent the last five years trying to deny it, but it’s true. I miss you. I’ve felt like I’ve had a hole in my heart since the day I drove away and left you crying in the driveway. I want you in my life again.”
“What are you asking me to do, Carter?” He reaches out, grasping both my hands in his. I hate how even the simplest touch from him sends my heart into a flutter.