Bastard(78)

Wiping my eyes, I dig my phone out of my bag. Turning it on, I find a message from Mark.

Night, babe. Hope your head is feeling better. x

Again the guilt hits hard. Technically I’ve done nothing wrong, but if Mark completely holds my heart, I shouldn’t be feeling what I’m feeling.

I’m feeling better, thanks. Sorry I had to cut the night short. See you at work in the morning. xxx



That’s a total lie. My headache is worse than ever, but I don’t want him to worry about me because I know he will. He replies straight away.

That’s good. Night, gorgeous. Sweet dreams. Wish you were here. x

I don’t reply to his last message. I’m not sure what to say. I do and don’t wish I was there with him. My head is so clouded right now it’s probably best that I’m not.

Finally, I climb under the covers. My thoughts are still well and truly on Carter. I know he’s next door. Only a few metres away. I wish I could spend more time with him before he leaves, but it’s probably safer for my heart if I don’t.





CHAPTER FIVE

Carter


As much as I hate being back in this house, I think walking away tomorrow, leaving my mum and Indi behind again, is going to be just as hard as it was the last time. For Indi’s sake it’s probably for the best, or is it? I’m not sure about that anymore. Especially after meeting that wanker she’s dating.

Once I would’ve said she was way too good for me, but in the past few years I’ve grown up, a lot. Sure, technically I’m still a bastard, but Indi’s words that night, all those years ago, have stuck with me. I’m not the same person I was. I no longer try to let that word define me. I still have my moments, but as a whole, I’ve come a long way. I’m a good, hardworking, and honest guy. That’s what I try my best to remember. Not all the other bullshit.

Going over there tonight, drunk, may not have been my smartest move, but I’m glad I did. I think she needed it just as much as I did. Being with her again was nice, but it only reinforced how good we are together, and how much I’ve missed having her close. She’s the only girl I’ve ever felt comfortable with. The only one who I can completely be myself with around.



When I wake the next morning, she’s still on my mind. My head hurts like a bitch from all the alcohol I consumed. I finished off the bottle when I got back home. My heart was hurting after saying goodbye to her. Because it was more than words, it truly was a goodbye. That doesn’t sit well with me for some reason. I have this feeling in my gut that if I walk away again I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life. I’m going to lose her forever. If I haven’t already.

After showering and eating breakfast, I decide to head next door. I don’t know what I’m going to say when I get there, but I feel compelled to see her one more time before I leave. Jax called me this morning to see when I’d be heading back. I told him today. I have a great team, so I’m not really worried about the shop. I know I also have Jax and Candice if anything goes wrong, but either way, I still need to get home. I need to sort out what I’m going to do. To figure out a way I can come back here more often. Well, if Indi wants that of course. I got mixed messages from her last night. She said she loves that wanker, which was hard to hear, but I also get that feeling in the pit of my stomach there’s still something between us. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part. Who fucking knows?

“Carter, my boy,” Ross says with a smile when he answers the door. “Come in.”

“I was hoping to speak to Indi before I leave,” I divulge as I follow him down the hall towards the kitchen.

“She’s already left for work. Sit.” Disappointment consumes me. I take a seat at the kitchen table as he sets about making us a cuppa. Is missing her a sign, or just rotten luck?

“Oh.” I hear my own displeasure in my voice.

“Tell me something?” he asks as he stops what he’s doing, turning to face me. “Do you still have feelings for Indi?” Whoa. Where did that question come from?

“What?”

“Come on, Carter. Don’t pussyfoot around with me. Do you still have feelings for my daughter, or what?” I try my best to remain calm and not give anything away.

“Why do you ask?” He exhales in frustration. I know he knows I’m avoiding answering.

“I’ll tell you why,” he says in a stern voice, walking towards the table and taking the seat opposite me. “That dick, Mark. Indiana’s boyfriend.” I can’t help but smile when he refers to him as a dick. My sentiments exactly.

“What about him?”