She turns suddenly and heads back out of her room. A few seconds later I see the bathroom light come on. She’s probably going to have a shower. That thought makes my dick twitch. It pisses me off. I push the thoughts of her naked and rubbing soap all over her delicious body out of my mind. I’m only torturing myself if I don’t.
CHAPTER FOUR
Indiana
My thoughts stray to Carter again as I let the hot water wash over my body. I was supposed to be spending the night at Mark’s, but after dinner I asked him to bring me home instead. I feel bad that I let Carter get in the way of our plans tonight, but my head is pounding.
Fuck him and his bullying tactics. Who in the hell does he think he is? Poor Mark was so intimidated by him. They’re worlds apart when it comes to personalities. Mark is so timid, Carter not so much.
After drying myself and dressing in my PJ’s, I grab a few headache pills out of the medicine cabinet and pop them in my mouth. I need to lie down.
Walking back into my bedroom, my traitorous eyes land on Carter’s bedroom window again. His lights are out so he must be asleep. I feel bad for the way I left things between us earlier, but he can’t butt into my life like that. He’s the one who walked away, not me.
“I’m not in my room,” I hear a male voice slur, almost making me jump out of my skin.
“What the fuck, Carter?” I screech when I see him sprawled out on my bed. “Get the fuck out of my room.”
“Can’t do that, sweetheart,” he says clumsily sitting up. Is he drunk? I take the few steps towards my bed and reach for his arm, tugging on it.
“You can’t be in here,” I growl. He looks up at me, and smiles. One of those panty-melting smiles that he used to give me all those years ago. I hate that he still makes me feel things after all this time. “You need to go.”
“Nope. I need to talk to you first,” he says, reaching out and pulling me forward with so much force I land on top of him. Being pressed against his hard body, on my bed, is not a good idea. “I’ve missed you,” he slurs wrapping me tightly in his arms. I can smell the alcohol on him. It’s so strong, if I stay near him like this, I’m sure the fumes will make me tipsy. I try and push myself up off his chest as he tightens his grip. I’ve missed him too, but that’s irrelevant. I decide not to voice that out loud.
Being this close to him is too much. I shouldn’t be feeling what I’m feeling. It’s wrong. My mind is flooded with memories of our time together. I can’t go there again. “Carter. Let me up.”
“Nope. Not until you talk to me.” He buries his face in my hair and inhales. “Fuck you smell good. Just like I remember.”
“Stop,” I say annoyed as I pull my face back, looking down at him. The sweet look on his face almost makes me smile. Almost. He shouldn’t be here. I’ve moved on. Being so close to him again only confuses me. He can’t just expect things are going to pick up from where they left off.
“I’m not letting you go until you agree to talk to me.”
“Fine,” I say sighing. “I’ll talk to you, but you need to let me go first.”
“Okay,” he says, releasing me. I immediately stand. If we’re going to talk, I need distance. A lot of distance. I take a few steps back from the bed. “Why are you here?”
“I told you, I miss you,” he replies, sitting up again.
“I have a boyfriend, Carter. Remember? You can’t just waltz back into my life five years later, after no goodbye, no contact, and expect to carry on as if nothing happened. You broke my heart when you left.” I feel tears sting my eyes, but thankfully I manage to keep them down. I refuse to let him see my weakness.
“I’m sorry,” he apologises, exhaling. “I thought leaving you behind was for the best …” His eyes meet mine and the sadness I see tears at my heart. “I fucked up. I know that.”
“Yes, you did. I understand why you felt you had to go, but you could’ve contacted me. Anything would’ve been better than nothing.” I wrap my arms around myself, trying hard to hold my emotions at bay.
“Do you love him, Indi?” I turn my face away from his. I can’t look at him and say this.
“Yes.” Although he doesn’t evoke the kind of feelings Carter did in the past, I care for Mark. A lot. He’s sweet. He treats me like a princess. He’d never leave me the way Carter did. With him I have a future. With Carter, all I have are memories. That’s all I’ll ever have. He doesn’t speak for the longest time. When my gaze moves back to him, I find his head bowed and his shoulders slumped. I feel like a bitch. “I’m sorry, Carter.”