Bastard(59)

I can still feel his erection pressing into my inner thigh. Sliding my hand down his body, I stoke him through his jeans. “Don’t,” he says pulling my hand away.

“What? Why? I want to give you relief.”

“No. I’ve been trying my hardest to behave around you for weeks. I let this go as far as it did tonight because you needed it. If we don’t stop this now, I may not be able to control myself. You make me crazy,” he admits.

“Well don’t stop.”

“I told you, we can’t go there, Indi. Your first time should be with someone special. That’s not me.” I move my hand up to cup his face.

“You are special, Carter. I want you to be my first.” I mean every word, too. I may regret it, but I doubt it. Even if we can’t be together after tonight, I’ll still treasure the fact that he was my first.

“You don’t mean that,” he says placing his hand on the back of my head, pulling my face into his chest. I can hear his heart beating wildly. I love being held like this, by him. When I’m with Carter, he makes me feel like nobody else but us exists in the world. He obviously has no idea how much I want this.

“I do. Please, Carter. Don’t make me beg.”

“I don’t do commitments, Indi. I’m not boyfriend material.”

“I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend,” I say pulling my head back so I can see his face.

“Well what then?” Even in this light, I can see his vulnerability. I wish he didn’t have such a low opinion of himself. I wish he could see himself through my eyes then he’d know just how special he is.

“I’m asking you to be my first. Nothing more. Just one night. I want you to do all the things you’ve done to the others.” Did I just say that? Yep, I did. It’s true though. Since the moment I saw Jennifer climb in his window, I wished it was me. Then there was the pink-haired bimbo.

“What others?” he asks.

“The girls that climbed through your window. Jennifer and the girl with the pink hair.”

“I didn’t do anything with the girl with the pink hair,” he chuckles.

“You didn’t? But I …”

“When I saw you watching us, I couldn’t go through with it,” he confesses.

“You couldn’t? Why?”

“Because you cock-blocked me.”

“I did not,” I say playfully slapping his arm. “Tell me the real reason.”

“Fuck. Enough with all the questions. I just couldn’t okay. I felt bad.” My lips turn up into a smile.

“Why did you feel bad?” I ask, my smile widening. I probably shouldn’t be probing him like this, but I want to know the reason.

“Just drop it,” he snaps.

“No. I want to know why.” He lifts me off his lap and places me back beside him in annoyance.

“I’m not going to answer that,” he says as his handsome face scrunches up into a frown. When he turns his head away from me, I get the impression he’s feeling uncomfortable, so I let it lie. Although, secretly I’m dying to know why.

“So are we going to do it?” I ask changing the subject.

“Do what?” he replies turning his head to look at me.

“You know … sex.” I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation with him. He chuckles at my comment making me blush. He probably thinks I’m so lame.

“Trust me, kid. As much as I’d like to deflower you, you’ll regret giving me your virginity.” Even though his words are telling me ‘no’, I can tell by the look in his eyes he wants this as much as I do.

“I won’t,” I say reaching for his hand. “I want this, Carter. I really do. Please don’t make me beg, because I will. No strings. I promise. Just one night, that’s all I’m asking.” God I’m so pathetic. He holds my stare, but doesn’t speak. Please say yes I silently chant in my head.

“You really want this?” he eventually asks.

“Yes. I want you.” He breaks into a full smile, showing his perfect white teeth.

“You’re not going to expect me to marry you or anything, are you?”

“What? No way. I don’t even want you as a boyfriend,” I screech.

“That’s just lovely, that is. Way to dirty talk it up,” he replies placing his hand on his chest, mocking fake hurt.

“I’m serious,” I say trying to hold a straight face. “I’m just using you for your body.” Seeing him like this makes my insides all warm and gooey. Even when he’s scowling he’s breathtaking, but when he smiles … no words.

“So I was right all along then?” he says when he stops laughing.