“You’re not a bastard, Carter. Just because you choose to act like one sometimes, it doesn’t mean you are one,” she enforces as another tear falls from her pretty green eyes. Seeing her shed a tear for me makes the lump in my throat grow. She almost sounds like she believes what she’s saying. I want to believe her, just like I wanted to believe my mum all those years ago, but it’s a fact.
“It’s okay,” I tell her as I reach up and wipe her tear away with the pad of my thumb. “As you can see I’ve embraced the fact that I’m a bastard,” I chuckle, but she doesn’t. My words actually make her look sadder. It tears at my fucking heart.
“Lots of people have children before they marry these days. It’s no big deal. It’s stereotyping at its worst. The older generations may have believed that bullshit, but in my opinion they should be ashamed of themselves. Those poor kids never asked to be born, yet they had to suffer that narrow-minded injustice for the rest of their lives. Hypocrites like your grandfather are fucked in the head if you ask me.” Her words make me laugh. “It’s not funny, Carter. Look at what it has done to you. It makes me so mad,” she adds frowning. She looks so fucking adorable when she does that.
She goes to say something else, but I lean forward and cover her mouth with mine. I love that she feels so passionate about this subject, and I love that she doesn’t think I’m a bastard. Everything she said is true, but sadly it still doesn’t make me feel any better about myself.
I’m still a bastard.
Maybe in time her words will help, but right now all the blood has left my brain and rushed straight to my cock, so I can’t think of anything else but her. I know we said we wouldn’t go there again, but I need this. I fucking need her.
When I tilt her head back and deepen the kiss, she moans into my mouth. Sliding my hands under her arms, I lift her up and onto my lap so she’s straddling me. Wrapping her legs around my waist, her hands snake around my neck. Mine slide around her tiny waist and I draw her body flush with mine. I love the way she kisses. The way her lips feel against mine. The way her soft body moulds against my hardness. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of it. Actually I know I won’t. I’m hooked—on her.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Indiana
My heart is still hurting for him. Thinking of how he must’ve felt as a small boy, and the fact that he’s been carrying that stigma around for all these years. It breaks my heart. Although unfounded, his attitude since the day we met suddenly makes sense. I hate that he feels so lowly of himself, especially since they were circumstances beyond his control. How could his grandfather, his own flesh and blood, label him like that? He was just a fucking kid. He didn’t ask to be born.
As I kiss him, I try my hardest to show him without words, how special he is, how much I care for him. How he’s nothing like the perception he has of himself. We’ve both tried so hard to keep our friendship completely platonic the past few weeks, but tonight I need him. I think he needs this, too.
I need to lose myself in him so I don’t have to think about my dad falling to pieces back at the house. So much for my damn ‘Distraction’ playlist. In between songs I could still hear his muffled cries. That’s why I came down here. Every year I dread this date. I’ve always hoped as the years passed, things will get easier for my dad, but not this year. Hopefully next.
Carter’s hands slide from my waist down to my arse. He draws me in, my centre pressing hard against his erection. I moan into his mouth. I don’t even recognise myself when I am with him like this. He makes me so wild. One of his hands move under my top as his fingers lightly skim up and over my stomach, making me shiver, until he’s palming my breast and pinching my nipple through the lace fabric of my bra. My hands tangle in his hair as I rock my hips forward.
I’ve only been kissing him for a few minutes and I’m already on the verge of coming undone. I could get addicted to the way he makes my body feel. Our kiss soon turns primal. It’s like we can’t get enough of each other.
His hand moves down between us as he rubs my clit through the thin material of my shorts.
“Come for me, beautiful,” he whispers as his lips make a trail across my jaw and down my neck. I lean my head back and moan. It only takes me a few seconds before I call out his name when my orgasm hits. When I open my eyes I find him looking at me, smiling. “I love watching you come.” I feel my face heat. “Don’t go all shy on me now,” he adds as he leans forward and plants a soft kiss on my nose.