“I fucking love it, but she spelt Larry’s name wrong.”
“No she didn’t.” I couldn’t hide the smile on my face. Finally, one for Indi.
Well that’s what I thought until the next morning. He actually met me at the car before school wearing the shirt. I couldn’t believe it. I should’ve known he was up to something by the big-arse grin on his face. My gaze immediately moved to the bottom of the shirt where Lassie’s name was printed. Ugh! He’d crossed it out with a thick black sharpie, and written ‘Larry’ next to it in big capital letters. Touché, arsehole.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Carter
Over the next few weeks, life seems to get harder. Even though I finally have my car back, which is a fucking relief, Indi and I are spending a lot of time together. I’m finding the more I’m with her, the more I don’t want to be without her. It’s so fucked up. It sucks to want someone when you know you can’t have them.
I try my hardest not to show it and continue to give her a hard time whenever I can, but with every passing day I’m finding it harder to resist her. I should’ve just taken her when she offered it up to me, but for once in my life I tried to be the good guy. I put her wellbeing before my own needs.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about what we did that night, or that sweet pussy of hers. I want to be buried balls deep inside her. More. Than. Anything. Don’t even get me started on that mouth of hers.
Things at home are getting worse as well. I’m not sure how much longer I can continue to bite my tongue around Fuckwit. I think he’s figured out that I won’t fight back because I don’t want to upset my mum. He’s using it to his advantage. He now taunts me every chance he gets. Fucker. I need to get the hell out of here before I ruin everything.
If I lose my shit with that motherfucker, it will ruin things for my mum. As much as I hate him, I love seeing her happy. I’ll never understand why, but he does that for her.
And then there’s Indi. If I let this thing between us go any further, I’ll ruin her as well. I don’t want to cloud her sunshine with my darkness. She’s pure and I’m not. How can something that feels so right be so wrong? Life can be a real bitch sometimes.
I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Some days it gets so bad, it’s a struggle to even breathe. It’s still a few months before I turn eighteen. In my heart I know I’m not going to last that long.
On Saturday night I’m sitting at my desk in my bedroom, doing homework, when I see Indi climb out of her bedroom window. Where in the hell does she think she’s going? Fuck. Today I’ve avoided her like the plague. I just needed some space to sort through all these unwanted feelings I have for her. Looks like that was a waste of fucking time. I can’t sit here and watch her sneak off to God only knows where. Anything could happen to her.
I watch to see which direction she’s heading before throwing on a shirt. For some reason she’s walking down towards the lake. Although it’s a warm night, she’s got rocks in her fucking head if she intends on going for a swim.
By the time I put my shoes on and jump out of my window, a few minutes have passed. I hope she hasn’t gone too far. I should’ve grabbed a torch. It’s so fucking dark out here. I have a good mind to throw her over my knee and spank her for leaving the house at this time of night on her own. Christ, she makes me fucking crazy sometimes.
I’m mumbling profanities under my breath when she comes into view. She’s sitting on the dock all alone, her feet dangling over the edge. I can only see her silhouette by the aid of the moonlight. It’s casting a silvery glow over the water, illuminating her.
My heart rate picks up as I get closer. I have this love/hate thing going on with the feelings she ignites within me. Although I kind of like it, it’s also foreign and scares the crap out of me. When I’m around her I feel alive. I thought that part of me died a long time ago. I can’t explain how this tiny little spitfire, who annoys me to no end, can make me feel that way, but fuck me she does.
“What are you doing out here all alone?” I ask annoyed when I’m standing a few feet behind her. She doesn’t answer, but I clearly see her hand come up and wipe her eyes. Fucking great, she’s crying. I don’t know how to deal with this shit. I haven’t cried since I was a kid. Why do women have to be so damn emotional?
What I want to do is turn around and walk the fuck away. But I can’t do that to her. Jesus Christ. I know I’m gonna regret asking this. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she sniffles. She’s not fucking fine. “Can you just leave me alone?” Even though she just gave me the out I was hoping for, I can’t walk away from her. One: because she wants me to, and the stubborn part of me won’t allow her to tell me what to do. Two: because for some reason, seeing her upset tugs at my heartstrings. Shit.