"Do you want to stay over again tonight?" he offered, breathing in my hair as he pressed his lips against my temple.
"I should go home."
"To Rachel's?" he questioned in surprise. "I didn't think―"
"Yeah, I should," I interrupted. "It's okay. I want to talk to her. I understand now, and I didn't before. Maybe... maybe we can really fix us."
"Em." Evan waited for me to look up at him. I tilted my head and absorbed his troubled expression. "It's not your fault. No matter what she says, or believes, you have to know that, okay?"
"Okay," I answered in a whisper, kissing him gently.
The house was dark when we pulled into the driveway, and my mother's car was parked at the end. I hesitated before opening the car door, staring at the black windows.
"Want me to come in with you?" Evan offered, putting the car in park.
"No," I replied without taking my eyes off of the house. "I'll be okay."
"Call me later, alright?"
"I will," I answered, slipping out of the car and shutting the door behind me. I inhaled through my nose, preparing for whatever awaited me in the dark. Evan didn't move out of the driveway; he kept watch until I disappeared through the front door.
I flipped on the foyer light and listened. The house remained uncharacteristically still. I walked into the living room and watched through the window as Evan slowly backed out of the driveway. I turned on the lights and found the poker table still in place with half eaten bowls of chips and empty shot glasses splayed about. I began collecting the remnants of the party and carried them into the kitchen.
Once I'd cleaned up and put everything back in its place, I climbed the stairs, having spent the past hour summoning the courage to do this. As I neared her door, I could hear her crying.
I froze, my insides squirming. Before I could back away, I tapped lightly on the door. The sobs ceased.
"Yes?" she answered, barely audible.
With my heart beating frantically, I slowly opened the door and stepped in.
"Hi," I offered lightly.
My mother was lying on her bed, her eye make-up smeared with tears, her hair tangled and sprawled on the pillow. The red face and swollen eyes were a look I was all too familiar with. She still wore the same clothes from the night before.
I sat down on the side of her bed farthest from her.
"I thought you left me too," she rasped, pulling a tissue from the box next to her bed.
"No," I explained. "I just needed some time."
"So, you're... you're staying?" She took short drawn breaths, recovering.
"I'm staying," I confirmed faintly.
My mother rolled away from me. I could make out small gasps as she continued to cry. My hand hovered over her, shaking slightly, hesitant to touch her. I let down the wall, the one that protected me from everything that hurt. I opened myself up and felt her pain, my pain, and became her daughter, resting my hand on her back.
I felt her chest expand as she inhaled a sobbing breath. I waited for her to surface, sitting beside her, letting her know I hadn't abandoned her.
After some time she became quiet. I took my hand away when she shifted onto her back to face me with sullen eyes.
"Do you want to watch a movie and eat a pint of ice cream with me?" I offered gently.
She attempted to smile. "Sure."
My mother slowly sat up, wiping the makeup and tears from under her eyes. "I'm going to take a shower." Before she left the room, she turned to me and said, "I'm glad you didn't leave me."
My mouth twitched into a delicate smile.
On her way to the bathroom, my mother yelled back, "Nothing romantic and sappy―I may throw something at the TV."
I laughed as she shut the door behind her. I went to my room to retrieve my wallet and keys. The red light was blinking on my phone, so I grabbed it on my way out the door.
After flipping through Jonathan's and Evan's missed calls and texts from the night before, wondering where I was and if I was okay, I deleted them with a sullen breath.
I got up the nerve to call Jonathan when I pulled into the grocery store's parking lot, not exactly sure what I should say.
"Hi," Jonathan answered after only a couple of rings. "How are you?"
"I'm okay."
"Are you sure? You didn't look okay last night."
"I will be," I assured him, running my fingers along the steering wheel.
"I can't believe she did that. I wanted to go after you, but Evan was already out the door and she started screaming at me. Sorry. I should have gone anyway."