"I mentioned that I hadn't slept at my place in a while, and that I should probably stay there a few nights this week." He hesitated before admitting, "It wasn't the best thing to say on Valentine's Day."
I pressed my lips together and shook my head. "She thought you were breaking up with her, didn't she?"
Jonathan sighed and nodded. "We talked it over this morning, and she understands. So I won't be over much this week. I just need to … breathe a little I guess."
His choice of words alarmed me. I suddenly understood my mother's distress. "Wait. Are you breaking up with her?"
"No," he shook his head adamantly. "She and I are having a lot of fun together, honestly." He was about to say something else when my mother interrupted from the kitchen, "Did you find them?"
Jonathan looked at me and then down to the kitchen. "I found them," he lied, not making a move for her door. Then he returned to me and quickly said, "I just wanted to explain if you didn't see me around for a bit. I'm still here; I just need to back off a little." Then he went down the stairs and into the living room.
I backed into my bedroom when my mother came into sight carrying a sealed glass container of salsa. I realized he'd never intended to get anything from her room; he just wanted to check in on me, to explain things. He hadn't explained much, in all honesty. I knew that he hadn't told my mother half of what he'd just told me, or else she wouldn't have been smiling that way.
Someone had left a red heart shaped box filled with chocolates on my bed. There was heart drawn on top in marker with an "R" scrawled underneath. I held the box in my hand and stared at it. I didn't want to be the person who made things harder for her.
I lay on my bed with my hand on the heart, considering if my being there was what was best for her. How was I supposed to decide that? She sounded so hurt last night, convinced that I didn't want her. The irony was that I'd been afraid she was going to say the same thing to me.
I eventually fell asleep on top of my covers. The house was dark when I woke a couple hours later, but it wasn't exactly quiet. This house never rested. I turned on music to mask the house's distress, so I wouldn't jump at every little noise.
I was searching for a shirt to wear, when a loud bang suddenly drew my attention. I shut off the music, remaining perfectly still and holding my breath, convinced I'd heard a cabinet slam shut in the kitchen.
I crept to my door. The hinges creaked as I slowly opened it. I listened intently and jumped when the radiator rattled on. I took a breath and rolled my eyes at my overreaction, turning the music back on.
I gathered a pair of sweats and a long sleeved shirt in preparation for a shower, so I could feel a part of the human race once again and rid my hair of the chlorine smell. I had texts waiting for me from Sara and Evan when I emerged, clean and revived.
I kept each light on as I walked through the house, making my way to the kitchen to microwave a frozen macaroni and cheese dinner. I poured a glass of milk and brought the plastic tray into the living room. I wasn't sure I'd ever feel comfortable being alone, at least not in this house.
I got sucked into a pathetic reality television show with explosive drama and so many words bleeped, the sentences didn't even make sense. After wasting an hour of my life, I found a black and white movie I'd seen enough times to know just about every other line.
"Emma, you should go up to bed," the voice whispered. "Emma."
"Yeah?" I answered, not sure if I was talking in my dream.
"It's late," the voice responded.
I pulled the cover up under my chin, slowly realizing I wasn't in my bed. I pushed my eyes open to find the television playing highlights of a basketball game. I blinked heavily, waking in the dark with the lights extinguished except for the television.
"Sorry to wake you," Jonathan said from his seat across from me. "But I figured you'd be more comfortable in your bed."
"What time is it?" I asked, trying to focus on the glowing clock of the cable box.
"After two," he answered.
I pushed up to sit, slowly coming to the surface
"You should go up to bed," Jonathan encouraged again.
I took a breath, "Okay." But I didn't move. My brain started functioning, and I looked at him quizzically. "What are you doing up?"
"Needed to step away from a dream," he answered vaguely, but with words I could understand.
Then it struck me. "Wait, I thought you weren't staying over this week."