"Can you give me a hand?" my mother interrupted from downstairs. When Jonathan and I emerged from my bedroom, she cocked her head to one side at the sight of us. "Uh, hi. What are you guys up to?" Her words came out in a hesitated pattern, with a hint of unease.
"I was checking my email," Jonathan explained casually. "Remember, you said to use Emily's computer?" I looked over at him, surprised to hear my formal name. But then again, seeing my mother's questioning eyes, it was the right choice.
"Oh," she recognized. "Thanks for letting him use your computer." And instantly, all was right with the world.
I shut myself up in my room for the rest of the day; reading, studying, and listening to music. I wasn't an expert at occupying my time. I actually preferred not to be alone for too long because that's when the thinking began.
And that's where I found myself late Saturday night, lying in my bed staring at the white above me. I ran my hand along my neck, and a cold chill ran through my body. An image flashed through my head as fast as the snap of a picture, but the panic and fear wrapped in it forced me to sit up in bed. I shook off the remembrance that had forced its way to the surface―her frigid hands and my silent pleas for help. And then it was gone. I was alone in the house once again.
I searched the kitchen for something to eat, but it was scarce pickings. My mother and I kept missing each other for dinner, so I'd stocked up on microwavable anything to keep me nourished. But my supply was dwindling.
I called to order a pizza, and decided to pick up a movie along the way. As much as I wished I could hibernate for the winter to avoid the bone chilling cold, I sucked it up and drove toward the commercial side of town, far away from the homes that paid for the silence, where the neon was allowed to glow.
I pulled into the gas station that had a movie rental machine. There were a few carloads of Weslyn students lingering inside, trying to decide where to go―whose party to crash. I didn't make eye contact as I waited behind an older man to pick out a movie.
"Hey, Emma," one of the girls recognized. I looked over at the soda cooler where she and two other girls were choosing forms of caffeine. I smiled politely, trying to place her. She may have been in my Art class, but I was pretty sure she was a junior.
"Great game last night," a guy praised.
"Thanks," I returned lowly, stepping up to take my turn at the movie machine.
"Do you want to go to a party with us?" another girl asked.
"No, that's okay," I replied, trying to make a hasty decision with a movie. "I'm staying in tonight."
"See you around."
I made my way out of the gas mart and waved with an awkward smile. It was strange being recognized outside of school without Evan or Sara. But at the same time, it felt kinda good. It was like waking up to discover I was my own person and people actually wanted to hang out with me. I grinned as I started my car.
I returned to the house, prepared for my solo night, with a new found sense of confidence. I was somewhat disappointed to see Jonathan's truck had returned. It was barely nine o'clock.
I pushed open the front door and heard the buzz of the TV in the living room. After abandoning my shoes at the door, I brought the pizza into the room. Jonathan was sitting alone, and appeared surprised to see me.
"You're back early." I set the pizza on the coffee table.
"Rachel's sick," Jonathan explained.
I nodded in understanding.
"I thought you'd be out."
"Staying in," I replied. "Hungry?"
"Uh, sure." Jonathan got up from the couch and crossed over to the kitchen. "What do you want to drink?"
"Diet Coke, please," I answered, looking around for my mother. I hung up my jacket and Jonathan came back over with drinks, paper plates and napkins. "Is she in bed?"
"Yeah. She drank a little too much cough medicine," Jonathan shared, sucking in air through his clenched teeth. He handed me the soda bottle. "And then had a couple glasses of wine on top of it. I wouldn't be surprised if she's out 'til Tuesday."
"Great," I said with a shake of my head.
"What movie did you get?" he asked, eyeing the plastic casing.
"You know what? I have no idea," I admitted, pulling it open. "I was in a rush and just picked a new release. Do you want to watch it with me?"
"Sure," he responded.
I looked at the title and groaned, "Oh great. It's a horror flick. Exactly what I don't need."
Jonathan laughed. "We'll keep the lights on while we watch it."
"Did you think for a second I'd let you turn them off?"