I slipped back under the covers and lay staring at the ceiling. The tears silently slid along my temples and were absorbed into my hair. I let them flow, but I kept the lump lodged in my throat, pushing away the pain and sorrow I'd seen in my mother's eyes.
6. Lifestyles
By the time I stumbled out of bed the next morning, tired and bleary eyed, my mother had already left for work. There was a text waiting for me. So sorry about last night. You shouldn't have seen that. Dinner tonight?
I responded with, See you tonight.
But when I arrived home after practice, I found her rushing around, slipping earrings into her ears. She wore a short skirt and a flowy blouse, and her dark hair was flipped and curled in an abundance of volume.
"Hi," she offered, out of breath, hopping into one of her heels and almost falling over. "Um, I hope you don't mind, but I forgot I had plans tonight. I made them a while ago, you know, before I knew that you'd be here." She stopped, awaiting my reaction with her face scrunched in apology. "But I could cancel them. I mean... I could stay."
"No, go," I encouraged. "I'll be okay, really."
"Are you sure?" she asked again, battling with her decision.
"Yeah, I have a ton of homework to do," I exaggerated, trying to make her feel better. "Have a good time."
"Okay," she replied, staggering on one foot to pull up the strap of her heel as she grabbed for her purse. "Well, help yourself to the freezer, I guess." She took out a mini Altoids tin and opened it, popping a small white pill down her throat with a toss of her head.
"Don't wait up," she advised, removing her jacket from the hall closet next to the stairs. "I'll probably be pretty late." Before I could even unzip my jacket, she was out the front door. I shook my head in befuddlement and took in the vacant house with a heavy breath.
The door flew open behind me. I turned with a start. "Uh... can you move your car?"
"Oh, yeah. Sorry." I followed her back out the door.
"Sorry that I'm running off so fast," she attempted to explain as we walked down the driveway. "I'm so late and my friends hate waiting on me."
"It's okay," I replied to … no one. She was already in her car, anxiously waiting for me to back up. I watched her speed away before pulling back into the driveway.
I put my things in my room and went down to the kitchen to prepare something to eat. I pulled out a frozen lasagna and followed the instructions to heat it in the microwave.
As I sat in the silent house, watching television and eating the lasagna, I realized I'd never been alone like this before. As much as I'd felt alone most of my life, emotionally isolating myself from … well, everyone, I'd never really been by myself. Before I lived with Sara, I wasn't allowed to be home alone. But I was usually involved in something at school that kept me occupied anyway. And now that I was alone, I didn't like the stillness. It made the thoughts in my head too loud.
I ventured upstairs a couple hours later, leaving the table lamp turned on at the bottom of the stairs, along with the light on the porch. After getting ready for bed, I pre-occupied myself with homework as best I could. But with every creak, my head jerked to attention and my heartbeat faltered. When the wind picked up outside, rattling the windows in their peeling wooden frames, I opted to drown out the creepiness with music.
Eventually, I crawled into bed, keeping the music playing so I wouldn't be kept awake by every groaning board in the house. I took a deep breath and stared at the black door across from me, hesitating before shutting off the light. The door and the entire wall disappeared with the click of the lamp.
I shot up in the bed, gasping and covered in sweat, flipping on the light to disperse the figure at my door. The black door remained closed, mocking me.
My eyes twitched, listening for any movement. I wasn't sure if I'd screamed out loud since my mother hadn't rushed into the room. That's when I heard the deadbolt click open at the bottom of the stairs followed by laughter and a deep voice. It was after two in the morning. I blinked at the clock, wondering where she could've been and who she was with now.
I shut off my light, so she wouldn't think I was waiting up for her, and pulled the covers over me. The wind screeched against the windows, rustling the black curtains with each frigid gust. The old house couldn't keep out the cold that seeped in through its bowed boards. I pulled the comforter up to my nose, waiting for sleep.
~~~~~
"That was quite the storm last night, wasn't it Mary?" the radio personality chuckled, his voice forcing its way into my ears. I rolled over and hit snooze, fighting the urge to pull the covers up over my head and go back to sleep. I lay on my back and stared up at the ceiling, dreading the chill that awaited me once I flipped back the blankets.