Barely Breathing (The Breathing #2)(173)

"Don't you dare," I threatened. My muscles quaked, fueled with rage. My eyes bored into him.

"Emma, please," he begged, his voice breaking with emotion. "I lost it. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

"No you're not," I bit back. "Don't even say it. This is what you do. This is what we do. We hurt people." I choked on the words, forcing them out of my mouth.

The tendons along my neck strained as I screamed, "Look what we've done!" Jonathan flinched. I hunched over Evan with a sob and gasped, "We've hurt so many people." I sniffled and gently caressed his bruised cheek. Evan remained still under my touch.

"Don't say that," Jonathan implored, his words coated with desperation. "We're the ones who've been hurt, Emma."

I released a vicious laugh. "No, Jonathan. We're just as bad as they are, with our lies and deceit. We destroy people's lives."

Jonathan opened his mouth to stop me, but I pierced him with my vile tongue. "And you. You've killed people. You're not any less of a monster than your father."

Jonathan's face turned ashen as he released a strangled gasp, like he'd been stabbed through the heart.

"It was anger and pain that drew us together. That's our bond. Not love." My words shot out with lethal force, ripping his protests from his opened mouth. "I don't love you." His eyes flit across mine, begging me to stop―but I continued, relentless. "No one could ever love you." Jonathan's chest caved. He took several staggering steps before faltering to his knees, his confidence decimated. 

Loathing corroded my veins and shriveled my heart. I watched as he cowered under my words, relishing his silent torture. "Don't wait for me. I don't want you to be there for me, not ever. Stay out of my life, and I won't breathe a word about what you've done." Jonathan closed his glassy eyes and bowed his head, clutching his chest.

I turned my back to him, unable to continue to bear witness to his devastation. I hid my shame behind my lids, tears continued to cascade down my face, dripping from my chin. My words wielded as much destruction as Jonathan's fists, tearing people apart with my lies and secrets, unleashing a verbal wrath that could alter a person's conviction. I wasn't worthy of being loved any more than he was.

I tensed when the screen door slammed shut behind me. I knew he was gone, and that I'd never see him again.

My chest spasmed in pain as I released heaving sobs, bending over Evan's unconscious body. I placed my hand on his chest, and he shifted slightly. I sucked in broken breaths, trying to relinquish the pain, but I knew that would never happen... not after today.

Evan moaned below me. My body shook in agony and my insides began to splinter. It was excruciating. I could barely breathe.

"Emma?" Evan murmured, his lids twitching.

"I'm so sorry." I released an impassioned cry, a tear dropping onto his cheek. I leaned down, breathing him in with a brush of my lips against his―savoring his clean, sweet scent and the warmth of his firm lips before pulling away. "I don't know if you'll ever forgive me, but I won't destroy your life too." My heart fought for each beat as the pieces began to fall. "I love you," I breathed.

Easing his head onto the floor, I rose. My legs unsteadily balanced my broken frame. I faltered to the screen door and pushed it open. It took every ounce of strength I had to walk away.

"Emma?!" rang through the darkness, shattering me into a thousand pieces.





Epilogue



I slid into the silent vehicle beside Sara, and Carl backed out of the driveway. I stared out the window the entire drive, allowing Anna and Carl to converse in the front without comprehending a single word. Sara's presence pressed in beside me, but she made no attempt to speak.

When we pulled up to the airport drop-off, Carl removed the suitcases from the trunk while Anna awaited me on the curb.

"I'll ship the rest of your things once you're in your dorm," she told me, smiling kindly. She examined my face and gently brushed my cheek. "You don't have to do this, Emma. You deserve to walk down that aisle on graduation day with everyone else. I wish you'd reconsider."

I smiled lightly, knowing she only wanted to console me, but I was beyond reaching now. Everything was still and quiet inside me, impervious to the emotions that weighed on her face. There was nothing left. It had all shattered, leaving me hollow.

"I should get going," I replied, sliding one arm through the strap of my backpack. Anna hugged me and handed me my boarding passes.

"Call if you need anything," she urged and I nodded.

"Your advisor will be contacting you after you arrive to arrange for your final exams," Carl explained, rolling the suitcase over to me and setting the duffle bag next to it.