"I like spontaneity," I announced as we headed into the woods. Evan grinned as he drove us further along the trail toward the meadow.
As the sun tucked behind the trees, we set the tent up in the clearing, closer to the brook where the grass wasn't as long. Evan pulled out a small shovel and dug a fire pit.
While he stacked the wood near the pit and prepared a fire, I set up the interior of the tent.
"You brought an air mattress?" I questioned when I pulled the sleeping bags out of the trailer.
"I thought it would be more comfortable," he explained. "I know you're still a little sore."
"Thanks," I grinned.
Evan lit the fire as the hues in the sky transitioned from orange to dark purple. The lingering warmth teased that summer was right around the corner, but still far enough away to make me yearn for it. Evan laid out a thick blanket in front of the fire where we sat to eat.
"I really do like it out here," I shared with an easy smile.
"Me too," Evan agreed. "Does Sara know you're staying over?"
"Ooh, no," I said with a grimace. "I left my phone in my car. Do you have yours?"
"No, it's in my room," he said. "Do you want to go back to call her?"
"She knows I'm with you, so she'll cover for me. Anna and Carl trust you."
Evan grinned. "I'm sure they might hesitate if they knew we weren't sleeping in separate rooms tonight."
"No, I think they would still trust you."
After we finished eating, I lay back on the blanket. The sky was filling in with stars as the darkness spread.
"Everything seems so possible when I look up in the sky and see the universe gleaming before me."
"It is," Evan replied, laying next to me to take in the same view.
"Wanna know something I realized?" I continued without waiting for Evan to respond. "I've spent most of my life trying to make it to a future that still hasn't happened, or avoid a past that won't let me go. I don't remember when I've ever just stopped to live in the present, to hold on to the seconds I'm in."
"Well, your future's still unfolding, you'll just have to let it happen as it intends to. But what's keeping you from being free of your past?"
I thought for a moment. "Forgiveness."
"Do you forgive me?"
I shifted my head toward him with my brows knotted. "Why would I need to forgive you?"
Evan tilted his head to the side to look into my eyes. "Because I kept it from you... what happened that night."
"But I didn't want to know, so you did what you thought I needed." I turned back to the stars. We listened to the crickets chirp in the stillness.
"Evan?"
"Yes."
"Can you tell me one thing that I still don't understand?"
"I'll try."
"How did my ankle shatter?"
Evan was silent. I zoned in on a single star above me and waited. "She had a hammer. I saw it on the bed next to your foot." His voice was low and strained. I closed my eyes, the strangled words overtaking me.
"That's why you couldn't do that Art project, isn't it? Why you had to leave the room that day?"
I reached for his hand. It was hot and tense. I slipped my fingers through his and he gripped them tightly.
"I forgive you," I breathed. "Now you have to forgive me."
"For what?"
"Not listening. For staying when both you and Sara begged me not to. For not telling anyone and convincing you to remain quiet too. For not asking for help. For―"
"That's enough," he cut me off. My heart pounded hard, thinking of the many reasons I needed to be forgiven that I still hadn't named. Evan raised my hand to his lips and kissed it. He rolled on his side and intercepted my view, his eyes glassy and full of emotion.
"I forgive you," he whispered. My throat closed and I swallowed against the tears that pooled in the corners of my eyes. "I forgive you," he whispered again, running his hand along the side of my face. My eyes shut with the tenderness of his touch. "I forgive you," he breathed, his voice wavering. I opened my eyes to see the tear glisten as it rolled down his cheek.
I opened my mouth to speak. My lip quivered and the words remained choked in the back of my throat.
"Now, Emma, you need to forgive yourself."
I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes, the tears caught in my lashes. Before I could open them again, my breath was captured by the firmness of his lips. That kiss said every word left unspoken. It filled me with more emotion than I thought possible to contain.