But I was too overwhelmed to ask him not to continue. I watched his lips move, "I couldn't believe what she'd done to you. You were cuffed to the bed, and there was tape over your mouth. You'd been crying, the tears were still running down your face. But... you weren't breathing."
"Evan," I gasped, my eyes blurred. I placed my hand on his cheek and my body ached with every word. "You shouldn't have seen that."
He looked up at me with his eyes tight, shaking his head fiercely. "I was supposed to protect you, Emma."
A tear slid down my cheek.
"But I didn't." His eyes closed, he struggled with the words. I knew he was still tortured by the image of what he'd seen.
"You were so still and pale," he continued. His smoky blue eyes connected with mine, and he whispered, "I breathed for you."
"You?" The shock of his confession devoured me.
"I begged for you to breathe with every breath I gave to you. I kept pleading for you to breathe over and over again. And then … then you did." He blinked away the tears that flooded his eyes. "I promised―"
"Evan," I interrupted, "this isn't your fault." I couldn't even begin to imagine what he'd gone through that night. What he'd seen. What he was forced to do. And then had to live with it while keeping it from me for nearly a year.
"I'm so sorry," I uttered in a soft cry.
"Emma, don't," he urged. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."
"But you," I stumbled, "But you shouldn't have..." I couldn't find the words to explain that he wasn't supposed to be there. I chose to stay. It was my silence, my denial, my decision that put us there that night.
"I shouldn't have what?" he challenged. "I should have called the police, or told someone long before that night. I know that now. And I have to live with that. But wanting to protect you, loving you... You will always be my choice."
His words pierced me, and I closed my eyes, letting the tears slip through my lids. Evan lowered his head on my lap and wrapped his arms around me. I ran my hand over his hair, comforting him.
I never wanted to hurt him. To damage him. But I had. And even now, my choices continued to destroy him―all I had to do was look in his eyes to see it.
Vivian didn't say anything when he stayed with me that night. We lay facing each other, with his hand covering mine. It was difficult to lie on my broken ribs, but Dr. Vassar explained that it would help me breathe better, and it did. The tortured look on his face pierced my heart. I was having a hard time finding my breath.
"Will you please tell me about Rachel and why you spent the day with Jonathan?" he asked softly, not taking his eyes off mine.
"You knew?"
"Of course," he replied. "What happened in that house, Emma?"
I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. His impassioned blue eyes held me captive. My voice was soft and strained with emotion. "I thought she would be different. But she hasn't changed. When she started drinking, I was convinced it was my fault―that I reminded her of my dad and I upset her. I wanted to help her, but she just kept drinking. And got worse. Each time she'd hurt me more. In the end... she doesn't love me. She never has."
Evan was quiet, gently running his hand over my cheek.
"And Jonathan?" Evan coaxed.
My eyes flickered, fearing he could see into me. "He was there. He knows how unstable she is, so he understands. He's become... a friend. We went for a drive that day, to get away from her. It wasn't planned. He just wanted to be there for me." I couldn't say more. It was evident by the tightness around his eyes that he was trying to understand, but that this was hard to hear. I kept the rest of what we'd shared to myself.
"Now I'm here for you," he whispered, holding my hand and kissing it gently. "Close your eyes, Emma. I'm not going anywhere."
I closed my eyes. But I didn't sleep.
~~~~~
When I opened my eyes again, it was light and Evan wasn't next to me. Sara was.
"Hey," she greeted with an endearing smile. "You slept a long time."
"I did?" I responded in surprise since I didn't remember sleeping at all. Holding my breath, I gingerly pushed myself up and noticed it was almost noon. "What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow."
"Jared called," she explained. "I came back on the earliest flight I could get."
"You didn't have―"
"Don't even start, Emma," she scolded. "You know I'd do anything for you. Even sit next to an annoying guy who snored on my shoulder the entire flight." She grinned. But her grin couldn't mask her troubled eyes.