Barely Breathing (The Breathing #2)(139)

"Don't you have any girl friends who can help you out?"

"I've discovered that having girls as friends just leads to complications. So, no, I don't."

"Complications?" I questioned curiously.

"Yeah. Someone eventually wants more, and it gets... complicated," he explained with a shrug before taking a sip of beer.

"Oh," I nodded in contemplation. "Yes, that is true."

"So, you've experienced this?" Jonathan sounded interested as he sat in the chair next to the sofa.

"First hand?" I considered for moment, then continued, "Well, yeah. That's what happened with Evan. We started out as friends, but that didn't take." My cheeks warmed reflecting upon our "friendship".

"I have a feeling you weren't really friends, even at the beginning," he noted at the sight of my flushed face.

My cheeks became hotter. "No, probably not. But I do know what you mean. He has a girl right now who's supposed to be a friend, and she definitely has a thing for him. It's, as you said, complicated."

"You don't care that he's friends with other girls, right? I mean, you have me," Jonathan countered. 

"No, I don't mind. But you and I are different," I argued. "We're not complicated."

Jonathan challenged my words with a raise of his eyebrows. "Right. We're just messed up."

I laughed and nodded. I pushed off my shoes and curled my legs next to me on the couch. My phone beeped, and I pulled it from my pocket.

Still at party. Wanna come? Its a good one.

I grinned at Casey's message and texted back, No thanks.

"That your friend?" Jonathan confirmed. "Do you have to go?"

"No. She's still at the party."

"Good," he replied, making me look up from my phone. He tipped back the bottle to avoid my curious expression.

"I like this," I said, commenting on the band and letting the comment slide. "They have a nice sound."

"Yeah, it's just a guy and a girl," Jonathan explained. "They're pretty incredible."

Their voices chimed in unison. I was enchanted by their lyrics as we sat quietly, letting them speak for us. I closed my eyes, allowing the music to float through me.

"Emma?" Jonathan called to me. I pulled my lids open, which was harder than I expected. I must have started to doze off. "Are you okay?"

"Sorry." I shook my head and sat up straighter to ward off the bout of sleep. "I'm just tired."

"Really, are you okay?" he asked again, studying my face intently.

I shifted away from his delving brown eyes and nodded. "I haven't been sleeping much."

"Or eating," Jonathan reproached.

I shrugged guiltily. "That obvious?"

"Uh, yeah," he confirmed with an adamant nod.

"It's been a crazy week," I defended feebly.

"That's an understatement," he said with a wry grin. "I know we said we weren't going to talk about it, but we can if you want. I'm really sorry about everything that happened. I still feel like it's my fault."

"It's not," I stressed. "It really had nothing to do with skipping school and spending the day with you. In the end it was about the truth, and I just didn't want to see it."

"What do you mean?"

"She doesn't love me. She never did. There's nothing that's ever going to change that."

Jonathan didn't respond. We were quiet for a moment before he asked, "What about you?" I glanced over at him. His voice was quiet and smooth. "How do you feel about her?"

I let his eyes search mine as I considered his question. "I don't know. I always thought I loved her. I mean, she's my mother. But... I don't know."

"What if you didn't think of her as your mother? Just as a person you know. How would you feel about her?" he coaxed.

"That I don't like her," I answered without hesitation. "She seems funny and nice on the outside, but when you get close enough, you realize she's selfish and manipulative, and well, a bit unstable. So I guess... maybe I don't love her either." I lowered my eyes as my words took hold. "Wow. That's messed up."

"Tends to be our unavoidable theme," Jonathan noted with a guilty grin. "Sorry. We can't seem to avoid the depressing, can we?"

"I think it's because we both understand what it's like. It's not easy to talk like this with other people because they don't know. They don't know what it's like to be hated by the people who are supposed to love you." I sunk further into the couch and allowed the sullen mood to settle within me, drawing on my weariness. I thought about leaving, but I just needed to rest for a moment. I laid my head on my arm.