"Emma!" Jonathan raised his voice to get my attention. "What are you talking about?"
"My mother," I explained, my voice edged with panic. "She's still not home and I don't know what to do."
"Did you call her?"
It seemed so obvious a question. I closed my eyes and shook my head in embarrassment. "No."
"Call her and then call me back, okay?" he instructed calmly.
"Okay." I hung up and immediately called my mother's phone. I didn't know why I hadn't thought to do that originally. I guess the visual of her in a ditch, bleeding to death on the side of the road, distracted me from thinking clearly.
The phone rang three times before someone picked it up. "Hello?"
"Hi, this is Emily," I answered not recognizing the woman's voice. "I'm looking for Rachel."
"Oh," the woman croaked, obviously my call had woken her. "She's here, passed out."
"Um," I faltered, "where's here?"
"This is Sharon."
"Sorry," I blundered.
"Do you need to talk to her?"
"No, I'll see her in the morning." I hung up the phone and plopped down on the couch. I wanted to be relieved, and I was... mostly.
I called Jonathan back. "She's at Sharon's. Sorry that I freaked out like that. I should have called her first. I wasn't thinking straight."
"Don't worry about it," he assured me. "Are you going to be okay? Do you want me to come over or anything?"
I paused, not expecting the offer. "Uh, no. I'm just going to bed. I have school in the morning."
I did go to bed. But I didn't sleep.
27. Lines Blurred
"Did you remember your bathing suit?"
"Huh?" I turned toward Sara, who was awaiting my answer with her shoulder against her locker. She'd caught me staring at nothing again. Thinking about my mother and wondering why I didn't see her this morning. I'd expected her to come home to get ready for work. Maybe she borrowed something from Sharon. From what I knew of Sharon, the choices must have been limited.
"You brought your bathing suit, right?" Sara repeated with her brows scrunched. "For Jill's party tonight."
"Yeah," I answered. "Are we staying at her place or going back to yours?"
"Not sure yet," she replied, walking next to me until we had to go our separate ways. "See you at lunch." I nodded and headed downstairs.
I felt like I was sleepwalking the entire day. The voices were murmurs of incoherent noise. I jotted down notes without really understanding what the teacher was talking about. Everything around me went by in a blur, but I was moving in slow motion.
I expected Sara and Evan to say something, but they didn't. It struck me that perhaps they weren't surprised by my glazed over stare and lack of contribution to their conversations. They always looked at me like they were worried, so today was apparently just like every other day. But it felt... off.
I wasn't sure I could explain it, but there was something that didn't feel right. I knew I was exhausted, not having slept more than a couple of hours, but it was more than that. There was a queasiness in the bottom of my stomach, like I had forgotten to turn off the iron or something―but much worse.
I drove to the soccer field after school. The rest of the soccer team hadn't arrived yet, since practice didn't start for forty-five minutes. I usually did homework and changed at school, but today I drove straight here. I reclined my seat and stared up at the clouds, waiting. I figured I'd change as the rest of the girls started to arrive.
My lids became heavier the longer I stared. I closed them, convinced I'd wake when the cars began pulling in.
"Do you have your cleats?"
"Yup," I answered, picking them up by their laces.
"Do you have your shin guards?"
"Yup." I stuffed them under arm.
"Do you have your coach?"
"Daaad," I laughed. "Stop being silly."
"I just wanted to make sure you had everything," he teased. "Guess I'll be in charge of the soccer star." He scooped me up in his arms and tickled my belly, making me squirm and squeal in delight. The he pulled me in to kiss me on the cheek.
"We're going to win today," I told him, my voice proud and confident.
"We're going to have fun today," he corrected, rubbing the top of my head as he carried me to the car.
When we arrived at the soccer field, I raced ahead to join my friends while my dad unloaded the soccer balls out of the trunk.