***
Honey stared at her, deep into her mysterious eyes, trying to read the emotions that he saw there but it was so tangled up that he couldn't begin to puzzle it out. Except for the sincerity. That he could see written all over her face, he could hear it in the soft tremble of her voice. He couldn't imagine how hard it was for her to tell him that, and he especially couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for her to have to live through it.
Some of the puzzle pieces of her clicked into place. Why she liked everything so neat and in its place. It was the hallmark of anyone who had been in the system. Prison, military school, juvenile facility. Foster care.
And the claustrophobia, the anxiety that would bubble up inside her for seemingly no reason to him. But he knew she struggled with it. Struggled in social situations. It all made sense now, or most of it anyways. And his heart broke for the little ten year old Elle, the blonde haired dark eyed girl who had lost her entire world in the blink of an eye.
In that respect, he'd been lucky. He'd never known paradise, so it hadn't hurt near as much when he'd lost it. He'd never know there was another way.
"Drugs," he said softly, after an interminably long silence, both lost deep in their own thoughts, their own painful memories of the past.
"What?" Elle asked the question, just as soft.
"My parents. It was drugs," he shrugged, falling back on the guise of uncaring casualness that he did whenever the rare moment arose that he talked about what little experience with family he'd had. And it wasn't much.
"They were both addicts. My mom got pregnant with me. I was one of those, what are they called, methadone babies? Spent the first few months of my life getting clean," Honey shook his head, "more than either of my parents did. I basically raised myself. Got through school okay. I was smart." He grinned over at Elle, but it was a bitter grin, a grin full of cynicism and pain.
"I learned how to forge my mom's signature for registration, for field trips, for anything, really. I learned how to steal food when my parents were too high to go to the grocery store. I made it through high school without failing any of my classes. I had dreams of going to college, even." Honey barked out a rough laugh. The dreams he'd used to have were long gone, along with the boy he'd used to be. Hopeful, no matter how many times life had shit on him. He still kept believing that his break would come, that the answers would all fall into place.
"I had just graduated. It was one of the proudest days of my life. Because I'd done it on my own, despite everything. Despite the shithole family I'd had the misfortune of being born to."
"What happened?" Elle asked after he went quiet, "did you go to college?"
"No," Honey said on another rough laugh, "No. That summer me and a bunch of friends took off on a trip. A sort of last hurrah before going our separate ways." He could remember that summer so clearly, the first part of it anyways. Staying out all night drinking and smoking, sneaking away with Sara Parker under the bridge.
"It had been magical, at first. Those first few weeks. No family to worry about, no school, no responsibility. Not a care in the world and the unshakable belief that we were invincible."
"Then what?"
"One night, it was a Tuesday, we all went out to this house party. It was warm out, and everyone was either drunk or high. A buddy of mine dragged me upstairs to this bedroom where they were doing some drugs and asked if I wanted in. I shrugged and held out my arm. It was the first time I ever did heroine." Honey couldn't look over at Elle, couldn't stand to see the look that he knew would be shining in her dark eyes.
"The first time, but not the last time. It sucked me in, killed me little by little until there was almost nothing left. That's when Joel found me. He helped me get clean. He helped me become a member of the Dirty Cruisers. I'll never forget that day," Honey wasn't aware of the sudden smile that tilted up his lips as he spoke, "I was born Cooper Delaney, but that was the day I became Honey, and that's who I've been ever since."
They were both silent then, as the movie played on unseen, both thinking about their past, and the paths that had led them to each other. Because Honey knew it had to be more than random happenstance that had dropped Elle Watson in the middle of his lap. He'd had plenty of women over the years, but there was something different about her. Something so pure and so clean that drew him like a moth to a flame.
Something so different from any other person that he'd ever known before. She was honest and brave, braver than he ever could have imagined now that he knew what she'd had to live through. That kind of pain shaped a person. He knew that from experience. It either made you hard and brittle, or it made you strong. Strong enough to face life head on, even knowing how terrible it can be. How painful. How merciless.
Honey looked over at her, tracing her profile. The delicate curve of her cheek, the way her nose tilted up at the end. She tucked a stray lock of blond hair behind one ear in an unconscious gesture and he watched her, entranced. Everything about her seemed so fragile, so small and delicate. Everything except for her spirit. That shone like a beacon, pulling him towards her, and he couldn't stop himself. He didn't want to stop himself as he reached out one hand and slid it gently under her jaw.
Slowly, he pulled her face towards his until she had no choice but to meet his gaze. The force of it hit him like a ton of bricks straight to the solar plexus. He couldn't look away from the sheen of moisture that caught the flickering light from the television and threw it back at him in watery black and white. It was like he could feel all of the emotions that swept through her, like in that one, single moment they were perfectly connected. Two people who had suffered, and had come out the other end alive, and better for it.
Without thought Honey leaned forward, at the same time sliding his fingers up to cup the silky soft skin of her cheek, placed his lips against hers and kissed her.
Chapter 17
The touch rocked through her. It was so intense that it stole the breath clean from her lungs and she had to cling to him dizzily. Elle curled her fingers into his shirt, trying to pull him closer but he didn't move. Nothing else touched except their lips, and the hand that Honey had curled around her cheek.
His fingers slid with the utmost gentleness down the side of her neck until they could spear into the soft waves of her hair. He used his hand to hold her still with the softest of pressure as he tilted his head, his mouth angling over hers for better contact.
She gasped as his tongue teased against the seam of her lips, allowing him instant access and he slid it in to tease wetly with hers. It was slow and languorous and had a heaviness seeping through her that made it hard to move. Not that she wanted to. No, she could finally admit to herself that she was exactly where she wanted to be. In Honey's arms.
Elle was overwhelmed by the emotion that stole through her at his kiss. Just a simple kiss, but there was nothing simple about the painful need that was bubbling up inside her. But still, he kept things slow. So sweet and gentle, so unlike their first times together, and so tender that it had tears stinging the corners of her eyes and she had to squeeze them tight.
His kiss didn't stop, it didn't slow or speed up. On and on, his mouth moved, light and soft against hers until she felt like she was drowning in his kiss. He nipped at her lower lip, drawing it gently between his teeth and she let out a breathy moan at the pleasure that ripped through her.
Something about his pace, or the maybe it was the fact that their bodies were still inches apart, made the ecstasy that much more intense, that much more overwhelming. His scent surrounded her and every time she inhaled she drew more and more of him deep inside her. Honey invaded every part of her, that heaviness spreading like syrup until she could feel moisture pool warm and wet between her thighs. She moved restlessly then, unknowing, wanting him more than she'd ever wanted anything in her entire life. But nothing she did could make him alter his slow, steady pace.
Torturously, his fingers grasped the edge of her cardigan, just barely touching her as he pulled it off her boneless arms. They were so heavy she could hardly lift them at all but then he was working on her blouse, anticipation spiking through her as he painstakingly unbuttoned each button going down the front and slid it front her shoulders to land unheeded next to her sweater.
"Lean back," he whispered the words roughly against her mouth, still not breaking the kiss as he helped her back until she hit the arm of the couch behind her and he was working on the button and zipper of her jeans. Elle reached down to help but he held both of her wrists over her head with one hand while he went back to work on the closures with the other.