“If you do not voice it, how can I help?” If she does not voice it, I will go mad with frustration. I’m selfish, prodding her, but I must know. What things? What things? The words race through my mind.
“On the alien ship.” She says the words very slowly, as if trying to dredge up her courage. “There was no courting. If males wanted a female’s attention, they…took without asking.” She looks away. “I’m afraid it will happen again.”
My head nearly bursts with this knowledge. Fury and outrage wash over me. Males touched her? Males touched my mate? My female? They touched her without her consent? Even Bek, who is the most hard-headed and stubborn of males, never touched Claire without her permission. It is not done.
It is not right.
I stare. For the first time in my life, I have no answers. I have no solutions. I have no words. I am filled with helpless rage and anger.
Someone touched my female and made her cry. Someone took from her.
The urge to destroy with my bare hands has never been so strong. Bile creeps in my throat and I’m filled with the need to hurt those that touched her. To make them suffer. “No one here would do such a thing,” I rasp out. My hand is clenching my tail so hard I am surprised the bones do not snap. I do not care. I am a hair’s breadth away from losing control.
“I know,” she says softly. “But I cannot get over the fear that it will.” She gazes down at her hands in her lap.
I lean down and clasp her hands in mine — and I hate that she flinches. Now I understand, but it does not make it easier. I know why she fears when she is surprised. I know why she holds all at arm’s length. “You must conquer your fear, Tee-fah-nee. You cannot live afraid.” I hold her soft, cold hands. “Shall I chase the others off?”
“What? No. It’s me, it’s not them. They’re just trying to be nice.” She gives me a pained look. “I don’t want to be rude or hurt them. I know they want a mate badly. It’s just…I don’t think it’s going to be me.”
Because you are mine, I want to say, but I cannot. Not now. Not after what she has confessed. She would fear me like the others if I told her of my true feelings. And she cannot be mine until we resonate. That is how things are done. “You will resonate someday,” I tell her. “It will fix things.”
Instead of seeming relieved, she looks terrified at the thought. “And if I do?”
“Then your mate will claim you.”
Her face pales. “I don’t want that.” She pulls her hands from mine. “That scares me, too.”
Helpless, I sit back on my haunches and study her. I understand her fear, but it is not good. Resonance will happen whether she wishes it or not, and the thought of Tee-fah-nee panicking as I try to touch her – because she will resonate to me – is a bad one. “You must be strong and push your fear aside.”
She nods slowly, a thoughtful look on her face. Her eyes fix on me, and she licks her lips. “You don’t scare me, Salukh. It’s because we’re friends. You don’t come after me and shove yourself in my way all the time.”
“I do not,” I agree though I feel uneasy at the direction this is heading. Just because I have been subtle does not mean I want her to mistake my intentions. I want Tee-fah-nee as my mate. I want to resonate to her more than anything.
“Will you…practice with me?” Her eyes are wide. “So I’m no longer afraid?”
I fall backwards onto my rump in the snow, utterly staggered.
What she is offering me…there are no words to describe how conflicted I am. It is what I want more than anything else – to touch her. To caress her and claim her as mine. But…she is terrified of a man’s touch. What if she hates mine? The thought guts me.
Then another, darker thought creeps in. She has not resonated to me. What if I take her to my furs and teach her pleasure…and then she goes to another? What if she resonates to Hassen, or Bek, or any one of the hunters paying attention to her?
I would have the greatest gift in my arms…and then cruelly yanked away forever.
It would destroy me to have her and then lose her.
Yet…how can I refuse her? She stares at me with sad, worried eyes. She does not want my touch, but she does not see any other options.
I have never taken another to my furs. What if…what if I do something wrong? What if I do not please her and make it worse? Resonance ensures that both male and female enjoy joining, but there is no resonance between us. I have no skill in the furs.
I cannot think. There is too much to ponder. I get to my feet. “I must consider this.”