Instead, I pad out into the main cavern and move to the fire pit, staring down at the glowing orange coals. If I can’t sleep, I’ll just be out here again anyhow. Kira’s left her drinking canteen out by the fire, likely distracted by her new baby. I pick it up and it sloshes, still half-full. I pull off the stopper and lift it to my lips.
As I do, I see a pair of blue eyes shining out in the darkness.
My body freezes, and I drop the water bladder. Dark images immediately flash through my mind. Not me. Not me.
A big, horned form steps forward, blue chest without his normal vest, tail twitching against one legging-clad thigh. Salukh. Shocked relief spirals through me and I stagger. My body’s trembling, my mind gone back to that terrible place. Did I think I was unsettled before? I’m practically crawling out of my skin now.
Salukh moves to my side and hitches my cloak around my shoulders from where it’s fallen. “Careful,” he murmurs in a low voice. “You’re near to falling into the fire.”
Am I? I can’t stop shaking. My fingers pluck at the cloak, but I can’t seem to grip it. I’m freaking out. I should calm myself, pick up Kira’s waterskin that’s leaking its contents all over the cold stone floor, but I can’t move.
His big, warm hand caresses my cheek. Suede knuckles trace my jaw. “Tee-fah-nee? Are you well?”
His touch is oddly comforting. I lean into it, and then push forward until I’m pressing my cheek to his bare chest. So warm. So strong. So safe. “Will you come hold me while I sleep?”
Salukh’s body tenses, and then he strokes my back. “Of course.”
I’m so relieved. I take his hand in mine and pull him back toward my cave. I won’t have to face the night alone. I do feel a bit guilty for sneaking a guy back to my bed. Feels a bit like when I was growing up back on my aunt’s farm and I’d sneak a boy into my room. Of course, that boy would have expected to get laid. Salukh doesn’t expect that of me. He just wants me to be comforted.
I put the privacy screen in place as Salukh walks in after me, and then peer over at Josie’s furs. She’s moved to the far side of the cave, her face to the wall. She’s such an awesome friend. She’s giving us as much privacy as she can, and I love her for it. I lead Salukh over to my pallet of furs and sink down. He immediately climbs in next to me and stretches his big body out. He’s also taking up most of the bed, but I can’t find it in me to care. I just like that he’s here.
I pull my cloak off and toss it aside, then snuggle up next to him. My cheek goes to his chest and I give a small sigh of contentment. His big form chases the shadows away.
He presses his mouth to my brow and his arms go around me. One big hand starts to stroke my back, and I slide an arm around his torso. My body is hugged against his, and oh, God, it feels amazing. I’m warm and safe, and all of my anxiety feels as if it’s slipping away. If his tail is twitching slightly, I can ignore it. It doesn’t spoil the utter perfection of having him here against me.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“You do not need to thank me,” he murmurs into my ear, hot breath tickling my skin. “I find great pleasure in holding you.”
Yeah, well, he isn’t the only one. I find great pleasure in him holding me, too.
“Are you well?” his hand moves to my hair and he brushes my curls back from my face. “You seemed nervous all day.”
“Just a lot of unwanted attention,” I tell him. I don’t want to think about it any more, though. I just want to relax and forget about it until tomorrow, when I have to face reality again. I nestle in against him and press my body closer to his.
His hand slides up and down my spine, caressing me. Over and over, he’s just touching me and holding me. It feels so good that a small sigh escapes me and I find myself stroking his skin in response. My fingers glide over the raised-up ridges along his arm, and then over the taut muscles. His skin is velvety soft, but the body underneath is so firm and so perfect it’s like he’s been hewn from stone.
I can’t stop touching him…and I don’t want to. I’m enjoying exploring his body, because he feels safe. I know that Salukh would never hurt me. He would never lose control and attack me. To him, I’m a person and a friend. To the aliens that kidnapped me, I was just spare cargo. My life didn’t matter.
To Taushen, Hassen, Vaza and Bek, I’m not really a person, either. I’m a trophy, a prize to be won. None of them have shown any interest in me as a person. They don’t know that I have fun with the leather-making or that I want to grow crops. No one has ever asked me about my childhood, or what I think about anything. I’m pretty and I’m available, and that’s all they need to know.