Barbarian's Prize(21)

“If you like.” He doesn’t stop stroking my back. Nor does he try to do anything else. It’s like he’s content to simply hold me.

It’s…nice. Really nice. I’m no longer freaking out, either. It’s like all the anxiety that built up overnight exploded in a torrent of tears and all that’s left is me, kind of boneless and content. “Are you uncomfortable?”

“No. I like you here.”

“I’m really sorry about the kiss.” I mentally wince, even as I curl my hands against his vest and snuggle in against his chest. The softness I’m feeling? It’s not his clothing but his skin. He feels like velvety suede. I knew the sa-khui had a downy layer of light fur on their bodies from a passing touch or two, but it feels different when you graze someone’s hand versus pressing your body against them. I want to touch more of him and explore the texture, but I’m afraid I’ll freak out again. I bite my lip. “Just so you know, most kisses don’t end up like that.”

He chuckles. “I suspected as much.” He pats my back with one enormous hand, like he would a child. “You do not have to explain anything to me, Tee-fah-nee. I am happy simply to be the male you chose to spend the day with.”

“I…cried all over you.”

“Mmm. You were emotional. There are many bad memories in your head.” His hand resumes stroking my back. “It will take more than one afternoon to make them go silent.”

He’s so understanding. I’m lucky to be here with him, that we’re friends first and foremost. I don’t think Taushen or Hassen — or shudder, Bek — would be quite so understanding. There’s no sense of urgency with Salukh. No desperation or worry that if I displease him, he’ll retaliate. There’s something about him that makes me realize that he never would. He’s intense, but protective. It’s not his style to attack. Yet another reason why I like him so much.

I sigh. “I wish I wasn’t so messed up.”

“There is a saying among my people,” he muses. “‘We may wish for many things, but it is easier to wish for snow. The snow is more likely to happen.’”

“Reminds me of an earth saying: ‘Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up faster.’”

A deep laugh rumbles out of his chest, and I bounce against him as he moves. “I like that. Though if the dvisti shit, I would not mind so much. It would save me many hours of dung chip gathering.”

I smile against his chest. “You’re a good guy, you know that, Salukh?”

He strokes my back again.

I relax against him, not quite ready to move. If he’s not dying for me to get up, I’ll take advantage of the moment. “I don’t know what to do,” I confess. “I’m scared to try again.”

“Then we do not try again.”

“I feel like I need to.” If nothing else, so I can conquer my own head. I can’t live in fear forever. “Can we try again tomorrow?”

“Of course. We can try again as many times as you like.”





Chapter Seven





TIFFANY



We try for the next week. Every day, we meet to ‘gather herbs’ and head off to our cave. Each time, I’m not able to move into kissing. We end up just cuddling for a long time, and honestly…I really like it. Salukh never demands anything of me, and our cave time has turned into just ‘touch and talk’ time. He strokes my back as I talk about whatever comes to mind – things I miss back home, my ideas for how to start farming here on the ice planet, or whatever Chompy has bitten into today. In the last week he’s eaten three shoes, half of his gate, and whatever else shows up in his pen. Farli has been spending a lot of time watching him, and she’s a wonderful help because I seem to be gone for long hours of the day with Salukh.

If my other suitors have noticed we’re spending a lot of time together, they haven’t said anything. They’re too busy winning more of Josie’s seeds. Yesterday was a running competition, and the day before she had them braiding sinew into long cords of rope for the tribe. So far, Taushen is still in the lead but Hassen is close behind him. The men have been giving me more space lately, but I think it’s just because Josie’s been running them ragged with her endless competitions. At some point they’re going to demand that I pay up. Josie’s game is a two-edged sword. It’s great that it keeps them off my back for now, but at some point, they’re going to want answers from me, and I’m not sure I have anything to give.

But I can’t focus on that right now. And I don’t share those worries with Salukh. We have enough going on between us.