“Mmm,” Salukh says, nodding. He kneels down and begins to strap Tiffany’s snowshoes to her boot for her, like the sweetheart that he is. “He says he is not in the mood for company and will scout ahead.”
“Oh.” My cootie doesn’t like this and gives a disappointed little purr, just as Salukh breaks one of Tiffany’s leather shoe straps. He gets up and walks away to get a new one, and as he does, thankfully, my cootie gets over the fact that Haeden’s not here and shuts up.
Tiffany peers around. “What was that noise?”
Uh oh. “What was what?” I rub my stomach. I’m going to have to pretend indigestion unless I want to be found out. I’m not ready to see Tiffany’s sympathetic expression when she realizes I’ve resonated to Haeden of all people.
“I thought I heard…resonance.” Her brows draw together and she glances around the cave entrance and then looks at me. “Was it you?”
“Girl, please.” I force out a laugh. “You sure it wasn’t your man nearby?” I gesture at Salukh, who has his back turned to us. His tail is flicking and I see her gaze go to his butt. I can’t blame her. He’s got a fine butt. “His cootie might not be satisfied after last night.”
Tiffany ducks her head and gives another girlish giggle, and I can hear her own resonance begin in her chest. Jealousy gnaws through me. I’m happy for her. I really am. I’m just sad that I’m so miserable. I rub my own chest thoughtfully.
Salukh returns a moment later, and immediately Tiffany starts humming like a cat in heat. She giggles again, and Salukh’s chest takes up the song.
And me? Me, I want to barf. They’re so giggly-giddy with happiness that it’s driving me crazy. I hate that. I want to be happy for her. I really do. But I’m lost in my own thoughts and none of them are excited about the prospect of waking up next to Haeden for the rest of my life.
I…just don’t know what to do.
* * *
Our secret resonance? The dirty secret I don’t want to tell anyone about?
It lasts until all of midday.
The walk to the main tribal caves is a half a day by most hunters’ standards. But humans have to walk with snowshoes, which makes us slow. Add in backpacks and the sleds full of goods behind us that are being dragged along by the men while the women and elderly walk beside?
We are a slow-moving, wide-spread group. Tiff and I hang out somewhere toward the front, walking next to Salukh and Taushen. Taushen, bless his heart, is chatting up a storm as we walk, and doesn’t even seem to mind that Tiffany’s holding hands with Salukh. He seems to be in a good mood and I hope it’s because he’s just naturally a cheery person and he’s not pinning his hopes on me…because that would be awkward.
Haeden remains far ahead, a blue and leather blur on the horizon. I’m glad he’s staying away so my cootie remains silent.
After a few hours of walking, the twin suns are high in the sky, casting their weak light over the snowy ground, and the chilly air becomes a little too warm. We take a break in the shade of an icy cliff, and Kira comes to sit next to me and Tiffany. I take her fat baby from her arms to give her a break, and spend the next while cuddling and kissing her sweet, round face. Kira looks more tired than Tiffany and I, and I’m sure it’s because of the baby. Kae’s a pudgy little thing, fat and healthy at two months old, and wriggles constantly. Kira has no backpack but she looks wiped.
“You want me to carry this little inchworm for the next bit?” I ask Kira, pressing a kiss to Kae’s cheek. The baby’s a pale, pale blue but has almost completely human features except for the soft, downy covering on her skin that the sa-khui have. She grabs my nose and gives a delighted baby giggle, as if it’s the most fascinating thing ever.
“Would you mind?” Kira sounds wiped. “She gets heavy, and the snowshoes aren’t helping.”
“Of course I don’t mind. I’ll hand her back if she gets to be too much,” I promise, knowing I’ll do no such thing. This baby is all joy and bright smiles and I want to hold her forever. I kiss her tiny little nose, not even caring a bit that she grabs my face again and digs little nails into my lip. Everything she does is cute.
“Don’t look now, but here comes Grumpy,” Tiffany murmurs. “I’m sure he’s coming back to yell at us.”
I hold Kae a little tighter and avoid looking up, even as I hear snow crunching with approaching feet.
“Why are we stopping?” Haeden asks, his tone surly. “The sooner we get to the cave, the sooner the females can rest. It is not safe out in the open.”
“They are tired now,” Salukh says, his voice reasonable. He doesn’t get up from his spot next to Tiffany. “Let them rest for a few minutes. There is plenty of day left to walk.”
Haeden snorts with derision.
My stupid cootie chooses that moment to start purring. Loud. Like, super loud. Like it’s turned on by Haeden’s grumpiness.
Aw, crap.
I hunch over the baby for a moment, hoping no one will notice.
“Josie?” Tiffany whispers.
I guess it’s too late to fake indigestion again. I sit up and look over at Haeden. He doesn’t look a bit tired, all big, muscular arms and irritation. I scowl at him. “Really? You couldn’t wait like, ten minutes for us to keep on going? You had to come back and set me off?”
“Me? You are blaming me for this?” The look on his face is both irritated and incredulous.
“Josie?” Kira asks. “Don’t…wait. You guys resonated?”
“Not by choice,” I say, angry. Haeden came back on purpose to force my hand, didn’t he? “And we’re not doing a damn thing about it. I’m not his mate and he’s not mine.”
“Oh my God,” Tiffany breathes. “What are you going to do?”
Pray for a miracle? Hope a rock falls on him? Something? I look up and his gaze is burning into me. My nipples prick and I feel my thighs quiver, and I bite back a groan. I’d say I’m not going to do anything…but I don’t think my cootie is going to allow it.
“I don’t know,” I say honestly, and hold the baby closer.
HAEDEN
The group is somber as we trudge through the snow. No one seems to know what to say to me, and Jo-see is pretending I do not exist. The mood changes as we crest one of the last hills between the tribal cave and our location, and Rokan jogs forward. “Ho!”
I nod at him and give him a half-armed embrace of greeting. “My friend. It is good to see you.”
He nods and scans the line of people straggling distantly behind me. “I am glad you have returned. All of you. Especially the females.” He gives me a wicked grin. “It is lonely in a cave full of mates and babies, and you at the South cave keeping all the young females to yourselves.”
It takes all of my power not to shove him down into the snow. I am shocked at the surge of jealousy that powers through me. He does not know of what he speaks. “They are no longer unmated,” I growl at him, and then I storm past. I ignore the confused question he sends my way and head on to the caves. Let the others answer him. I am in no mood.
I continue on until I am in the caves. There are no family members to greet me. There are many friends, but my mother and my father and my brothers died in the khui-sickness of many years ago. I am alone.
Vektal approaches me, smile wide. “I am glad to have all of my tribe home,” he says, glancing behind me. “Are the others close behind?”
“Close,” I agree, terse. “Which cave is to be mine?”
“The hunters—“
“I will not be staying with the hunters,” I tell him, and I feel a surge of bittersweet pride at being able to say the words. “My khui has chosen a mate. I will need a cave for my family.”
The look of surprise on his face is gratifying. “Who—“
“Jo-see.”
His eyes narrow, but that is the only reaction he gives. He is my chief and he is wise and knows when to be silent. After a moment, he nods. “Come, then. I will show you. We have several caves that have opened up, thanks to Har-loh and her ma-sheen.”
I pick out one of the larger caves for my new home. It’s toward the very back of the cave system, tucked away in the new section that has been cut from the smooth walls. Here, the rock is rougher and small rock icicles hang from the ceiling, but the cave I select is roomy and private and will hold a large bed of furs as well as plenty of room for hunting equipment and supplies. It is a good cave. Jo-see cannot help but be pleased, even if she must share it with me.
Vektal leaves when it is clear I am not in a mood to talk, and I set down my pack and unroll my bed furs. My cock stirs at the thought of Jo-see lying in them, and I resist the urge to take myself in hand again. I did three times last night and it did not ease the ache. Only claiming my mate and planting my kit inside her will make the need go away.
Or the death of my khui.
I rub a hand over my chest, my mind full of bad memories from many, many seasons ago, back when I was newly made a hunter. Of Zalah and her pleasure-mate Derlen laughing by the fire, feeding each other. Of the look of dread on her face when she realized her breast was resonating to me and not to her pleasure-mate. She was many years my elder and much in love with Derlen, but my khui did not care. It wanted her. It hit me, hard and fast, and I was young and foolish enough to assume that she would comply with the demand of the khui.