Barbarian Lover(23)

“Then I’m going,” Harlow says. “You can’t really stop me.”

I frown at her, frustrated by her pig-headedness. “It might not be safe,” I stress again.

“Because of the weather?”

“Because of other things,” I hedge.

She considers for a moment and then shakes her head. “I’m still going. I’ll take my chances. I need to see that ship.”

For a moment, I stare blankly at Harlow. Does she have a listening device somewhere too? Or is something else going on? “Anything you want to talk about?”

“Nope.” She hoists her pack and adjusts the strap against her shoulder. “When do we leave?”

I sigh, defeated. “Very soon. Come on.”

I get my pack and Harlow and I meet Aehako and Haeden at the front of the cave.

Aehako immediately takes a bedroll from my pack and ties it to his. “You are carrying too much. Let me help.”

“I’m fine,” I say, feeling a little embarrassed. Haeden’s not hovering over Harlow like Aehako is with me. Then again, Harlow and Haeden probably didn’t do what Aehako and I did last night. I blush hard just thinking about it.

I know twenty-two is old to be a virgin, but I’ve never given it much thought until now. There’s just never been much opportunity to have sex with someone. Now, it seems like opportunity is knocking with a sexy alien…and the timing couldn’t be worse. How can I even think about getting involved with someone?

Of course, to him it might just be playful, fun sex. Meaningless except for a night between the covers. But that’s not how I’m built. I can’t just tumble into bed with a guy for fun and not think about it again. I need to make Aehako aware of this. Oh no. A terrible thought occurs to me. What if he’s focusing so much attention on me simply because I’m available for ‘fun’? Maybe it’s a cultural thing and women that aren’t tied down by a resonance-mating should be wild and free with their bodies? There’s nothing wrong with that…but that’s not who I am.

I feel guilty that I’ve led him on for this long. I need to talk to him. I touch his arm. “Can we talk?”

“We should hurry. We need to make good time before the weather gets worse. It’s going to slow us as it is.”

I look at the others, waiting on me, and tap on Aehako’s big shoulder. When he arches an eyebrow at me, I sigh in frustration and indicate he should bend down so I can whisper in his ear. It’s not an easy task considering he’s seven feet tall. When he finally does bend down, I lick my lips, suddenly nervous. “I think I should go alone.”

“Why? I thought we settled this—“

“I don’t want you to think, well, that things are different between us.”

He rears back and gives me a guarded look. Then, he leans in again and pulls me close to him. “How should I think things are between us, then?”

I wring my hands in a maidenly gesture, but dammit, I’m feeling a bit maidenly at the moment. “It’s just…I just…” I blow out a nervous breath. “So last night? What happened between us? I realize you’re all fun and games and party time and not thinking about tomorrow, but that’s not how I’m built. I can’t form a casual relationship. I’m not set up that way. So I don’t want you to think that I’m into just having sex for sex’s sake and nothing else out of it. I don’t think I can do the things we, you know, did—“

“We did not do very much,” he interrupts, a dry note of amusement in his voice.

I ignore him and continue.

“—without thinking there’s going to be something between us in the long run. And I don’t want you to think that you have to sign up for a relationship with me.” Gosh, I’m getting all flustered now because he’s just staring at me. “I’m just telling you that I’m the wrong kind of girl for fooling around with. And I don’t want to lead you astray.”

The big alien gazes down at me in silence.

“Well?” I ask.

“Are you finished vomiting excuses at me?”

My arms cross over my chest. “Those aren’t excuses.”

“Then you are not done?”

“No, I’m done—“

He puts a big hand behind my head and tugs me in, bending down to my height. We’re eye to eye and nose to nose, and he’s so close I can smell his faint scent and breathe in his same warm breath, which feels oddly intimate. “Listen to me, Kira. My interest in you is not just for sex. Though, I would gladly take it if you were to offer it.”

I look around, horrified, because he’s not speaking in a whisper. He’s loud enough for everyone in the cave to hear.