Ethan is nowhere to be seen when I walk in. There’s an empty desk and two chairs just inside the door. The office itself is rather bland, done in beige and ugly brown. Behind the desk is another door with a golden placard that reads Ethan Bennett. That must be Ethan’s actual office which means the empty desk is mine. Knowing I’m a few minutes early, I sit down on the little swivel chair behind the desk and settle in.
Ethan doesn’t show up for two hours.
“Avery,” Ethan smiles as he breezes into the office. He’s wearing a grey suit and looks every inch a respectable businessman.
I stand from my chair but can’t quite smile at him because I’m irritated. Ethan walks up to me and pulls me into a hug without asking.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” he apologizes and leans back, giving me a sheepish smile. “Forgive me?”
I sigh at him then nod my head, letting go of the irritation. It won’t matter in the future if he’s late. It only sucks today because I had nothing to do.
Ethan takes a step back but his hands linger on my shoulders longer than necessary. “I’ve missed you,” he says and his baby blue eyes search my face for any sign that I missed him too.
I hesitate and resist the urge to bite my lip before telling him, “I missed you, too.” It’s not a complete lie, I’m telling the truth a little. It’s only that I miss the old Ethan, my old best friend I could count on. Not this new Ethan that’s standing in front of me and looking so hopeful.
“Good,” he grins, flashing me his winning smile. He jerks his head towards his office door and asks me, “Ready to get started?”
I nod my head and follow him into his office after he unlocks the door.
Ethan flips on the light and spreads his arms. “Make yourself comfortable.”
I look around Ethan’s office, not knowing what to think of it. Instead of a professional environment with things like plants and stuff related to his father’s business, it seems Ethan has turned the space into a place to hang out.
There’s a large black leather couch positioned in front of a flat screen mounted to the wall. There’s a desk, yes, but it’s covered in bottles that were never returned to the wet bar. In one corner is a punching bag hanging from the ceiling, and on the wall near the punching bad are framed news articles of him and his MMA exploits. In the opposite corner is a weight lifting machine.
Now that I get a good whiff of the room, it definitely smells like a gym in here.
“Um,” I say, a little amused and confused as I walk forward. “This is where you work?”
Ethan laughs and nods his head. “Yeah, it’s great isn’t it?” He walks over to his desk and points towards the couch. “That pulls out into a bed if you feel like taking a nap.”
My eyes widen and I shake my head. I don’t care how tired I am, I am never ever taking a nap in here.
Ethan smirks at my reaction and picks a bottle up off his desk. “Want a drink?”
“Is that a trick question?” I ask him while walking up to the desk.
“Relax, Ave, I’m not trying to trick you so I can fire you.” He twists the cap off the bottle and lifts it to his lips. After gulping down a few swallows he pulls the bottle away with a hiss and smile. “See.”
I nod at him but don’t accept the bottle. I’m in no mood to drink. Now that I’m actually here, about to work for Ethan, I know I’ve made a mistake. This is such a bad idea. What the fuck am I doing?
Ethan doesn’t work. You can tell just from the look of this place. He pretends and for whatever reason, he wants me to pretend with him.
My eyes wander over the desk. It’s covered in half empty liquor bottles, brochures, and one framed photo.
“Is that us?” I ask pointing at the photo.
Ethan nods at me, his smile growing wider.
I pick up the dark frame. “I remember this. This was my graduation.” I look down at the photo. I look so happy. I just graduated so I’m wearing my blue cap and gown. I had my entire life ahead of me, the world was full of wonderful possibilities. If I worked hard enough, I knew I could change my destiny. Ethan is hugging me, we’re both beaming. We both look so young though it was only two and a half years ago.
“Your grandmother snapped the picture,” Ethan says softly.
I nod, feeling a sharp pain as I remember. Even now I miss her. I wonder what she would say to me, what she would think of me hooking up with Chase then going to work for Ethan. I sigh, feeling entirely too melancholy now. I set the photo back down.
“Is this the only picture you have?” I ask, looking for other photos.
“It’s my favorite,” Ethan answers honestly. “The only one worth keeping around.”
I peek back up at his face and his eyes are burning into me. I shift, growing uncomfortable under his stare. Afraid that he’s about to say something or do something that will force me to turn him down, I reach my hand out and grab his bottle.
At first Ethan looks surprised then he smiles. Relaxing his grip, he gives up the bottle. He watches me far too closely, too intently as I tip the liquor back and take a deep swallow. It burns all the way down.
“So,” I ask, wiping my mouth off with the back of my hand. “What exactly are my job responsibilities as your administrative assistant? No offense,” I say, my eyes sliding around the room. “But it doesn’t look like you do a lot of work around here.”
Ethan laughs then pulls up the sleeve of his suit to glance at his watch. “You’re right. I don’t do a lot of work around here. Most of my work is done at the gym.”
“So? What do you need me here for?”
“I need you to help me, Avery. Here,” Ethan digs around in his pocket and pulls out a phone. He tosses the phone at me and not expecting it, I almost drop it. “If this phone rings you answer it and take a message.”
I frown down at the phone. “Okay… Anything else?”
Ethan nods. “Yeah, I had you meet me here so you could get a look at the place. We’re here when I’m not training for a fight. Since I’m in training now though, I’ll need you at the gym with me.”
“At the gym? Why?”
Ethan leans over the desk and snatches the bottle from my hand. He grins before drinking deeply from it. “Because you’re still my lucky charm, Avery.”
My face falls and I feel like all the blood just drained out of me. “Ethan,” I say in disbelief. Is he serious?
“Shit,” Ethan says, realizing his mistake. “I’m sorry, I was just trying to tease.”
I lay the new phone down on the desk and cross my arms over my chest. Just remembering that night, remembering Ethan coming at me, screaming You owe me, makes me feel uneasy.
“This was a mistake.”
“No, Avery, it’s not a mistake,” Ethan insists.
I shake my head and glance down at the picture. “You’ve changed. I’ve changed. This isn’t going to work. Why are we even doing this?”
“Avery…” Ethan pleads and I look back up at him. I know he wants me to stop, I know he doesn’t like where this is going but I’ve already started and I mean to see it to the finish.
“Why are you doing this Ethan? What do you want from me?”
“I want to take care of you,” Ethan answers honestly. “As much as you’ll let me.”
“Why?” I ask, searching his eyes. But I already know, the answer is right there. It’s always been there but I’ve been too much of a coward to face it.
Ethan licks his lips nervously, and he almost takes another drink from his bottle but must think better of it. He sets the bottle down on the table and says, “Because you’re my friend.”
“Is that all we are? Just friends?”
I watch something shift in Ethan’s eyes. There’s this heart wrenching moment of vulnerability, where I can see how much he cares for me. And it hurts, it makes me feel like a bitch that I don’t feel the same way. I’ve friendzoned him, perhaps I even taken advantage of him. Allowing this to continue is not only punishing him, it’s punishing me.
I’ve thought about it before, about trying to love Ethan. I’ve thought about it many times. And there’s been times when I felt like there was something wrong with me. Something must be missing inside me because he’s so hot and all the other girls have no problem going gaga for him. And if all the girls love him then I’m the one who must be fucked up.
I’m the one to blame.
Ethan is beautiful, he is, though even now I look at him and he’s just not as beautiful as Chase. But I can appreciate the beauty, I can understand the appeal. I just can’t get my body or my heart to feel the same way. It’s not there, the spark or the pull. Whatever invisible force that overwhelms you and makes you go crazy for a person. When it comes to Ethan it’s just missing, there’s no link between him and me.
“I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” I say.
The look of vulnerability vanishes and Ethan stiffens as if I just hurt him
Once again I feel like crying because this is it. This is the end of our friendship. And now, without Ethan, I have no one left. I’ve already pushed away Chase.
After a tense, silent moment, Ethan narrows his eyes in anger and frowns at me. “What are you going to do?”