She slid over the hearse’s cold, leather seats to make room for her family, looking out the window at the snow-covered graves. The mausoleums and statues lent an air of desolation to the scenery. As snow flurries swirled down from the sky, the limousine began its retreat from the cemetery. Cara stared at Hawk and their eyes locked for a heartbeat. As the limo passed, Hawk blew her a kiss.
* * *
The cemetery had been empty for a long while as Hawk stared at the newly dug grave. During the burial, he stood in the back, watching Cara. Since that night, she had withdrawn from him. He respected that she needed time with her family to grieve the loss of her beloved cousin and to come to terms with the fact that Eric had bestowed so much sorrow on so many lives. Hawk decided early on he would give her space. He was hurt she didn’t seek him out for comfort, but he knew she needed to be with her parents. Eight days had passed since Eric’s murder.
I miss my sweet wildcat. My bed is empty without her warm body and ass pressed against my cock. I need to fuck her. I miss our conversations and bantering. I need her on the back of my bike. Fuck, I miss her bad. I need to talk to her so we can get back on track.
Reaching down, Hawk picked up one of the red rose petals Cara had strewn over Eric’s grave. Rubbing it against his cheek, its softness felt like her caresses on his face. He knew she hurt, but he hurt as well, wishing like hell he could have been there to save Cara from all the pain and humiliation she’d endured in the shack that night. She relied on him to keep her safe and protected, and he’d fucking failed her. It was something he’d have to live with for the rest of his life. All he wanted was to hold her and tell her it would get better. He needed her in his life, and he had no intention of letting her go.
Placing the rose petal in his pocket, Hawk walked out of the cemetery, the snow crunching under his boots.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“Cara, you’re going to have to join the living again,” Sherrie said as she sat cross-legged on Cara’s bed.
“I know,” Cara muttered.
“It feels so weird sitting on your bed in your old bedroom like we used to do in high school when we’d spend all that time talking about guys.”
Cara nodded. She didn’t feel like talking, but Sherrie was right about having to get back out in the world.
“Speaking of guys, what’s going on with Hawk?”
“Nothing. It’s over.”
“Over? Why? I thought he made you happy. You know, girl, you were happy when you and Hawk were an item.”
Cara shrugged. “It’s over. Things don’t last forever.”
Sherrie took one of Cara’s hands, gripping it. “Cara, I know you’re hurting about Eric. I loved him, too. We all had some crazy fun over the years, but the Eric you and I knew wasn’t the dark Eric that took over his life.”
“I just need some time, Sherrie. Leave it alone.”
“I won’t because I know you’ll go deeper inside yourself, and for what? Hawk has been calling me several times a week asking about you. He said you won’t answer his phone calls or texts, and you haven’t been to the office. You at least owe him an explanation.”
“I know,” she whispered. “On another note, Jax is out of the hospital, and he’s doing great. I went to see him a few times. Kylie keeps me informed.”
Sherrie shook her head. “It’s useless to talk to you. You’re so damn stubborn. When you make up your mind, there’s no changing it.”
“Then don’t try.”
“I think you’re making a big mistake. I hate to see you sabotage yourself. I care about you.”
“I know you do, Sherrie, but if I’m making a mistake, it’s my problem, okay?”
Sherrie leaned over and hugged her best friend. “I’m there for you, no matter what. It’s okay, because when you’re ready, you’ll know.”
* * *
I’ll never understand women. When I think I got ’em figured out, they do shit like Cara’s doing. I don’t know what I did to her. I told her to keep her ass in the clubhouse that night. She didn’t listen, and all kinds of shit happened. Damn, why didn’t she stay at the clubhouse? She won’t return my calls, won’t even speak to me. What the fuck did I do to piss her off like that? I’ve given her space, but it’s been a month, and I’m done with waiting for her to come around. I miss her too much. Fuck, that’s why I never wanted any attachments, because you just get burned in the end.
Hawk thought about Cara all the time; he couldn’t believe how she had taken over his thoughts, his heart, and his life. He couldn’t imagine his life without her. When he saw her half-naked and trembling in front of Viper, his cock in her mouth, Hawk went ballistic. His one regret was that he didn’t kill the motherfucker; however, his boot-stomping made Viper impotent, something that pleased Hawk to no end. If he ever saw that fucker again, he would kill him without any hesitation. Although, he figured he wouldn’t be seeing Viper any time soon, since he was in federal prison awaiting trial on a slew of charges, among them sex-trafficking, first-degree murder, and aiding and abetting.