Betrayal stabbed me all over again. "She really said that?"
He nodded. "Oh yeah, and a whole lot fucking worse, too. The woman's fucking poison."
I'd be damned if I was crying over that nasty cow. I choked back my upset. "I thought she was my friend."
"Yeah, well, she wasn't. She fooled a lot of people, Trent included."
"He's been seeing her a long time, hasn't he?"
He laughed, but it wasn't malicious. "Seeing her? Wouldn't call it that. She paid good money, he did what he had to. She was just a client, Jo, she didn't mean shit to him."
The thought made me feel sick. "See, that's the thing, Buck. I thought I could handle this shit, but I can't. I just can't. I can't cope with knowing he's off fucking half the village, people I know, people I see every day. I wanted to think it was alright, that it meant nothing, just another job, but it isn't alright. It's just not."
His eyes were wide. "You think he's fucking half the village?"
"Isn't he?" I scoffed. "I'm a big girl, Buck, I can take it."
"No," he said. "He's fucking not. He bailed out of Bang Gang, gave me the diary and called it quits. He's done, Jo. Has been for fucking weeks now. Ever since you turned back up on the scene."
My stomach lurched, turned right over. I felt the blood drain from my face. "You what?"
"I can't believe he didn't tell you this, dumb fucking idiot. He hasn't fucked anyone, Jo, not since … you know. Not since you and him … "
"Nobody? Not even for money? What about the blonde in the Porsche?"
He shook his head. "Nobody, especially not the blonde in the fucking Porsche, and believe me, they've offered, plenty good enough cash as well."
I felt unsteady, a bit lightheaded. "But why … why didn't he say anything?"
"Because he's Darren fucking Trent, I guess. He's a fucking fool like that, Jo, you know he is."
I did know. I knew it all too well.
"Jesus, Buck. I don't even … "
He sighed, squeezed my shoulder. "Go after him. I know he's a prize fucking tit, and he's brought this crap on himself, but seriously, if you want him then go after him. He's falling apart, Jo, breaking his fucking heart."
"He said that?"
"He doesn't need to say it, it's written all over him."
I was shaking all over again. "I didn't think he gave a shit."
"Yeah, well, he ain't fucking helped himself in that, has he?"
"But Lorraine … and her lies … "
"That bitch hasn't done either of you any favours, that's for sure." He smiled at me. "He fucking loves you, Jo, always has. Loves those girls, too."
I looked across the road, the lights were on upstairs.
"Go," he said. "He'll only be moping up there."
I took a breath, squeezed his hand. "Thanks," I said. "At least someone told me what the hell was going on."
"Tell him he can buy me a pint when he pulls his head out of his fucking ass."
I smiled. "I'll let him know."
My legs were wobbly as I climbed the steps up to Darren's place. I thought about knocking then decided against it, tried the door on the off chance. It was open.
The place stank of beer and cigarettes, the hallway dark. I fumbled around for the light switch, flicked it on.
"Darren?"
He came from the bathroom, his face dripping. He pulled a towel from the hook, wiped himself down. His lip was swollen, cut. His t-shirt was splattered with blood.
"Come to have a go at me?" he said. "Don't bother, I know I was a fucking prick."
He threw the towel aside and walked into the kitchen. I followed him, kept my distance.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?"
He shrugged. "Punched Jimmy O, he punched me back." He pointed to the kettle. "You want a cuppa?"
I shook my head. "Lorraine lied about me, I know that now."
"Lorraine fucking lied about a lot, Jodie."
"I wasn't there for an orgy, Darren, I can't believe you seriously thought I was."
"She said you were going to her sex party. I asked you if you were going to her sex party. You said yes."
"I was going to a girls' night! I was going to buy some stupid sex toys!"
"I know that now," he said. "Christ, Jo, she spouts some lies. I can't believe I was such a gullible fucking prick."
"Yeah, well, I guess that makes two of us."
He flicked the kettle on anyway, grabbed a couple of mugs from the drainer.
He stared right at me and it burned. "It wasn't how it looked. I wasn't there for that."
"It looked bad, Darren. It looked really fucking bad."
"I know how it looked, Jodie, but that's not … I wasn't about to fuck anyone. It was a pissing ambush."
"You never said you'd given it up, I never expected you had. It's just … Lorraine. She's my boss. Was my boss. Was my friend, too. How do you think that makes me feel?"
"I haven't been anywhere near Lorraine in months. Must've made her fucking crazy, like. Scheming fucking bitch."
He made me a tea and I took it. We stood drinking in the kitchen like this was normal.
"How long were you seeing her?" I didn't know why I was asking, since I already knew. I guess I just needed to hear it. Needed to hear a lot of things.
He shrugged. "Couple of years. She signed us up for the calendar, for some kids' charity she's on the board for. Came to me after, said she wanted a bit extra."
My heart was racing. "That was Lorraine?! She was your first client?"
"Yeah, the only client for fucking ages, too."
I thought back three years, to me still crying on her shoulder over Darren's engagement to Stacey. To the way she'd pushed me to online dating, told me to get over it once and for all.
He sighed. "You were getting with Brian. I'd just done the pissing calendar. The money sounded good."
"And it just went on and on? You didn't … fall for her … "
He pulled a face. "Hell no."
I nodded. "Alright. So she's a crazy twisted bitch. We know that now."
His eyes met mine. "I'm sorry, Jo. I fucked up. Should've said some things."
"We both fucked up, Darren. I should've said some things, too. I should've been firmer about this Bang Gang stuff, should have pushed to find out where we stood. I should've asked who you were fucking, should have found out what was going on."
He put his mug on the side. "No, Jo. I should've told you where we stood on the Bang Gang stuff, it was my gig."
A stupid rush of emotion bubbled up, I struggled to choke it back down. "Why didn't you? Why didn't you say anything?"
He didn't flinch. "Scared of being a fucking fool. Lorraine told me you weren't interested, said you were after an orgy and nothing else. She said you were chasing something better, someone better."
"And you believed her?!"
"Guess I half believed it myself and she put the nail in the coffin."
I sighed. "But why?! Why would you think that?"
"Because I'm no Brian, Jo. I'm just a bit of fucking rough, aren't I? I don't like fucking opera and strolls in the sunshine. I don't talk all posh like he did."
I shook my head. "Not this again! Jesus! I didn't even love Brian, Darren! I met Brian because I needed to move on, because you were engaged! Because I couldn't live my whole life alone while you married someone else!"
"I'd never have married someone else!" he snapped.
"You have a funny fucking way of showing it!" I snapped back.
"And here we are, back here again," he groaned. "Round and round in fucking circles."
"Seems that way."
I sipped my tea and felt sick. I willed it to ease off.
He touched his lip and it bled again.
"You need to clean that up," I said.
"Already done it."
I sighed. "Properly. Do you have any antiseptic cream?"
He smirked. "Yeah, right."
I tutted, starting rooting in my bag. "You have two girls, Darren, antiseptic cream isn't some kind of crazy novelty." I pulled out a couple of Ruby's sweets and some plasters. The antiseptic cream was right at the bottom. I pulled out an antibacterial wipe and closed the distance between us. "Can I?"
He grunted, nodded his head.
I wiped his lip and he didn't even flinch, just stared at me. I put some cream onto my finger and dabbed it on. It made my tummy flutter.
"I'm not a baby," he said. "Thanks, though."