"Jodie!" I called. "Jodie, this isn't fucking right! I don't want Lorraine, I never fucking have! I fucking swear it!"
She pulled away so quickly that she showered me in gravel.
I was shaking. Really shaking.
I took a seat at the kitchen table and Tonya put the kettle on. I could've done with something much stronger.
The girls knew something was up, asked me a load of questions that I answered with a fake smile and a nothing's wrong, girls.
They gave it a rest after a while, and laptop wars resumed as normal. I let it slide for now, content that the voices were far enough through the house that they wouldn't hear us talking.
Tonya handed me a tea and sat down opposite. "I can't believe it. Lorraine! What an absolute skank."
"She hates him … she always has … I just can't … " I shook my head. "I cried on her shoulder so many times, Tonya. Told her everything. Everything."
"Turns out she had her own fucking agenda, doesn't it?"
I kept breathing, kept calm for the sake of the girls and the plus-one in my belly. "I knew he was a gigolo. I knew the shit he does. I just … Lorraine."
Tonya waggled her finger. "Uh, no way, Jo. No fucking way. Don't make excuses for him, this crap was well out of order. Well out of order. I mean that stupid cow Mandy was one thing, but Lorraine?! Your boss Lorraine, your friend Lorraine. He should have fessed up about this shit long before now."
I shrugged. "I didn't ask. I didn't push him."
"You shouldn't have had to ask, Jodie. He should fucking know better."
"She said years." I put my head in my hands. "It's been going on years and I didn't even know it."
"So she says."
I met her eyes. "I saw it in his face, Tonya. It's been going on years, believe me."
"Well, more fool him. More fool her, too. There's no doubt she was paying for it." She paused. "You do know that, right? He clearly hasn't got feelings for her. This is just a job to him."
I didn't know anything. Didn't even know where to begin working out what I did actually know. I shrugged.
She sighed. "He wants you, Jodie. He's a fucking idiot, but he wants you."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"He said he thought you'd be there … that's why he was there."
"I told him I'd be there." His messages flashed in my mind and I groaned. "Shit. He asked me if I was at Lorraine's seedy sex party. I thought he was just being funny."
"She planned this." Tonya scowled. "All of it. Everything. She knew he was gonna be there. She set you up … set him up."
The betrayal smarted. It really fucking hurt. "Why would she do that?"
"I guess she wants him. I guess he's not such a useless disgrace of a man after all."
The thought of her having him made me feel sick. The whole thing made me feel sick. "I trusted her."
"Yeah, well, maybe he did, too."
I shook my head. "If he's been seeing her for years it must mean something."
"Money under his bed, that's what it means."
"Maybe."
"Definitely." She took a sip of tea. "You gonna talk to him?"
I shook my head. "Not yet. I've got to think first."
"Think about what?"
I shrugged. "About me, the girls, the baby … about how we're going to cope without the cafe wage. About getting over him."
"Is that what you want?" She looked so horrified.
"No, of course not. But I can't … not now I've seen it … not now I know what this gigolo stuff actually means. I can't walk down the street and pretend it's ok. I can't turn a blind eye and pretend it doesn't matter to me if he's fucking for money every night of the week. I can't pretend that knowing he's been fucking Lorraine for years doesn't make a difference. It makes a difference. I don't think I can even look at her again, not ever."
She let out a sigh. "She's really fucked things up for you."
"Maybe they were fucked up anyway and I just didn't know it."
"Sounds like you think she's done you a fucking favour, Jodie."
I felt the venom, my hands shaking again. "Oh no, no. I don't think she's done me a fucking favour, Tonya. She's dead to me. She's no friend of mine."
"Good," she said.
I looked at the clock. "I'd better get those girls to bed." She squeezed my hand as I stood from the table.
The girls went about their bedtime routine without too much backchat, and I was grateful. I think any extra hassle would have sent me over the edge.
Nanna must have sensed something was wrong. She took herself off to bed early and gave me a nice big hug on the way.
I pottered around as usual, doing the girls' lunch boxes and feeding the cat.
"Just stop, Jo," Tonya said. "Give yourself a break."
"Life goes on," I said. "Just got to keep on keeping on."
"No," she said. "You fucking don't, Jodie. Just give yourself a bit of time, will you?"
I stopped wiping down the side and stood for a minute, and it hit me. It really hit me. Single, jobless, and pregnant.
Oh my fucking God.
"I can't believe this is happening … " I said, and felt the tears springing up. "I'm such an idiot for thinking we could make this work … for hoping we could start over … "
"You aren't an idiot." She let out a groan. "He is. He's the idiot."
"I really thought this could be something … "
She was about to speak when there was a knock on the front door. My heartrate rocketed, and I felt sick, dizzy at the thought of a showdown.
"I'll get it," Tonya said. She pointed at the table. "Sit. Relax. I'll deal with this, don't you fucking worry."
I didn't have the energy to argue with her.
Tonya stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind her before I could say a word.
"You've got some fucking nerve, showing up here right now."
I took out my cigarettes and she held out her hand. I gave her the pack and she took one for herself, lit up with my lighter before she handed them back.
"I need to see her," I said. "This isn't as it fucking seems."
"Have you been fucking Lorraine, yes or no?"
"Yeah," I said. "But not … "
She shook her head. "Then it's as it fucking seems, Trent. You're fucking her friend, her fucking boss. That skank set her up, made a fucking idiot out of her. You let that happen."
"Like I had any fucking idea what that bitch was up to."
She shrugged. "How many years have you been fucking that skanky old cow?"
I took a drag. "What does that matter?"
"It matters a fucking lot, Trent. How long?"
I fought the urge to smash my fist into the brickwork. "I don't fucking know, wasn't keeping tabs. Three years maybe."
"Three fucking years?!"
"Since I did the fucking calendar," I said. "Since Jo got with Brian."
"Jesus Christ."
"Yeah, well, it was a fucking mistake, wasn't it?"
She glared at me. "No. The fucking mistake was keeping it from Jodie when you two got back involved. You should have fucking said something."
"Said what? I've been fucking your fucking boss and she's been paying for it? Hope that's fucking ok? Yeah right, Tonya. Get fucking real. She'd have run for the fucking hills."
"Like now you mean?"
The thought hit me in the gut. "That's how she feels, is it?"
She sighed. "Of course that's how she fucking feels, Trent! Can you blame her? She walked in on you getting your end away with a load of skanky bitches she knows! People she sees every fucking day at the cafe!"
"I wasn't getting my fucking end away with anyone, Tonya. I turned up there for Jo. Lorraine told me you two were going to her seedy fucking sex party, I could hardly fucking believe it myself."
"Not that kind of fucking sex party. Jo thought we were going to buy fucking sex toys, for you and her! I did, too!" She shook her head. "Well, it doesn't look too fucking good, does it? That sour old bitch was hanging off your fucking dick, Trent, plain as day."
"A set up," I snapped. "It was a fucking set up." I met her eyes. "Can I see her?"
"And what are you gonna say, huh? Sorry I fucked your friend, for three fucking years? I should have told you?"
I shrugged, and I had no answer. I didn't fucking know.
"She needs to stay calm," Tonya said. "For the girls and Nanna." She paused. "This is gonna fuck her up, she needs some fucking time."