"Jodie's not my missus."
He sighed. "Yeah, right. Keep telling yourself that." He gave me a jab in the arm. "Gotta get back to it, that bloody Rover isn't gonna fix itself."
I nodded.
Maybe I'd have calmed it down enough to make it up with Jimmy. Maybe I'd even have calmed it down enough to laugh at Petey's little lube accident, too.
Maybe I'd have put the whole fucking situation behind me and got on with business as usual.
If only Eleanor Hartley's fucking Porsche hadn't pulled onto the yard.
Fuck it. Fuck all of it.
This time I was in my fucking truck and out of there before she'd even turned off the ignition.
I played it cool, even to myself, pretended that I wasn't hoping for a text or a phone call, wasn't hoping for him to pop in for another coffee or be waiting outside for me in his truck.
Of course he wouldn't. It was a job and now it was done.
But it'd felt so real. He'd felt so real. So … there.
Maybe he felt like that with all of his clients. The thought made me nauseous.
Oh well, fuck it. Fuck all of it.
Same customers, same gossipy school mums every morning, same people to wave at and shout good morning to. Same old same old.
I got on with it with a smile on my face, same as every other week of my life. There are worse things in life than a bit of routine.
I heard from Mrs Webber that she'd had Tyler Dean's mum in for a meeting the very same day, assuring me that she'd made it clear that bullying was not to be tolerated on the school bus. I breathed a sigh of relief at the news, thanking her for her prompt action. I relayed it to Mia with a smile, telling her it was all done now and she wouldn't be getting any more trouble. Always the best way, I said. Speak up about your troubles and they'll get sorted.
I just wish she'd have told me sooner, to save herself all the upset.
I still kept my eye on things, hanging on that few minutes longer at the bus stop to make sure the situation looked calm, but Tyler Dean and his friends never went within two metres of her, not while I was watching. They kept a seriously wide berth, and that brought a puff of self-righteousness to my chest – Mamma Bear at my finest. I hoped Mrs Webber had given those little dipshits quite a roasting.
In fact, I hoped they'd be in detention until the end of time. Serve the little assholes right.
"All's well that ends well," Tonya said. "Poor Mia, this should make those little bastards think twice before they open their mouths in future."
"Definitely," I said. "Mrs Webber takes this kind of thing very seriously. She told me so."
We clinked coffee mugs, and life felt good again. The kids were all smiles, Ruby talking non-stop about this upcoming rally weekend, determined to drive me insane with her begging that we all go, all of us – even Nanna and Tonya. Like Nanna is going to cope on a bloody airbed, I said. Mia didn't seem nearly so bothered about camping, knuckling down to her school test revision with the kind of dedication that made me proud. She didn't even watch Question King with Nanna, just ate her dinner and went straight up to hit the revision.
I'd have to plan a celebratory meal out when she was done, maybe even get a cake. Maybe get Darren along, make a proper family thing out of it. A proper family thing. I laughed when I caught myself.
There was no proper family thing between me and Darren. A family thing between him and the girls, and me and the girls, but between us, no. Separated. We were separated. Long-time separated – even if the thought of being with him was still getting me off every night. Maybe sometimes in the morning, too.
So what if I was thinking about him sometimes during lulls at the cafe? So what if my tummy would tickle every time I thought about his face in mine?
So what about the other tickles … the dirty thoughts … the dirty thoughts that wouldn't let up … not ever … not even knowing that he was probably fucking half the women in the village and barely giving me a second thought …
Luckily I had my girls' night out to keep me occupied.
One epic night of drinks, dancing and good girly chatter, topped off nicely by the opportunity to wear my flash new bodycon dress.
I could hardly wait.
I made up with Jimmy O over drinks at the Drum. We shook hands and grunted apologies and bought each other pints in the usual way of it. No hard fucking feelings and all that shit.
Rutting Eleanor Hartwell always seemed to put the guys in good spirits. Talk of Jodie was off the menu and I kept it that way. No point dwelling on it now. It was already done.
I put a lid on it, but the whole fucking thing was a barrel of shit. I'd be raging one minute, wanting to face off to every single one of them for going anywhere near her, and the next I'd be in the garage toilet, jerking one off to the thought of her face as she came with her eyes on me and another guy's dick in her pussy.
Just as well I was taking a break from the Bang Gang business, I couldn't trust my dick to play ball if I'd wanted to. It had a mind of its fucking own these days.
I handed Buck the black book and he stared at me, raised his eyebrows.
"What's this for?"
"What do you think?" I said. "Knock yourself out, book in whatever you fucking like. This week, next week, sometime never. I don't give a shit."
He didn't look convinced. "And you? You planning on joining in or what?"
No.
I shrugged. "I'll play it by ear. Might be there, might not be."
"Fair enough," he said. "I'll let the guys know. If you're sure?"
Not really. I pictured the piles of notes I'd be adding to the university box if I could sort my pissing head out.
"I'm sure."
"Alright," he said.
"Alright," I said.
And it was done.
I contemplated just texting her. A did that mean shit to you? text that would set my mind at rest one way or the other, but every time I pulled my phone out Lorraine's stupid smug face put me off again. It's embarrassing. Christ, Darren, she's long over you. Let it go, have some dignity. I thought about them laughing over me at the cafe, Jodie brushing it aside and hoping I didn't get the wrong fucking idea about her little Bang Gang splurge.
No fear, I wouldn't be getting the wrong fucking idea. I'm not that much of a soft fucking twat.
At least Lorraine was sorting Petey out. The guy had the permanent balls-emptied kind of grin that we'd all had at some point or other while she was on the scene. Me first, right in the beginning, before we were even a group act. Even the thought of it now gave me the shivers.
"Mum's getting a tent," Ruby announced one night after school. She was sitting on a pile of tyres, sucking on a cherry pop while her sister caught up on Facebook in the office.
I stuck my head out from the Citroen's engine. "That right?"
She nodded, a big toothy grin on her face. "And Tonya might be coming. Not Nanna, though, Mum says if we put her on an airbed she'd never get back up again."
I smiled at the image of Nanna slumming it in a sleeping bag. "Your mum might well have a point there," I said.
"Will I be able to help? With the cars?"
I let out a sigh. "Not sure, Rubes. It's not like round here, it's pretty fast, all hectic like while the racing's going on."
"But I can help! I can be fast!"
"I know you can," I smiled. "I'll make sure you get to see enough of it, don't you worry."
"Can I sleep in your tent?"
I thought of the lads along with me, the fact that Buck was already planning to throw a sleeping bag in my tent to save setting up his own. "Probably best you stay with your mum," I said. "She'll be worried otherwise."
She didn't argue.
I wondered if it meant anything, Jodie coming. Jodie's never been interested in Rally in her life.
But Ruby was.
Ruby wasn't interested in a whole lot else.
It was almost certainly for Ruby's sake and not for mine.
I picked up the girls on Saturday morning, and Jodie seemed shifty, nervous even.
"Good week?" she asked.
I nodded. "Alright. You?"
"Yeah, average," she said. The girls piled into the truck and I went to follow them but she called me back. "I'm out tonight," she said. "First time in ages. Just a night in town with Lorraine and Tonya."
Lorraine. The thought hit me in the gut.
"Have fun," I said.
She sighed. "It's just … I haven't been out before … not for so long … not so far away … "
"Girls will be fine," I said.